Posts Tagged ‘AA Recovery’

Post Interferon Headaches Good News Finally- Topomax – For Me At Least

Posted: March 12, 2017 in Uncategorized
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If you’ve read my blog for a while or just googled post TX, post interferon headaches, and found this blog, welcome, I went through interferon back in 2006-2007 and beat Hep C, and have never test positive since, which is considered cured thank God!

At the time it was an injection of interferon once a week and pills of ribavirin daily, and it went on for a year, and it was much more than flu-like symptoms, most obviously admitted by the medical community by the fact that within just a few short years of my completing this cycle of medication they were no longer offering it, but opting for a much shortened time line of medication, that not only offered a higher than the 50/50 rate of remission than my cocktail did, but also was closer to a 13 week, rather than 48 week I believe mine was. Anyway I’m not bitching about what my options were at the time. In the words of the 2nd President Roosevelt who served his term in a wheelchair, in secret I might I add “Do what you can, with what you got, right where you are.” My liver was failing, I was dying. That’s that.

After I was cured, I was left I was left with terrible headaches, a surprise side effect, that having conquered, my drinking, and drugging problem that had plagued, me that previous 20 years, and of course, cursed my family childhood years previous, I’d really was hoping for a fresh, clean slate to build my life upon, and when I went into the corporate world I was really thrown back when I found myself in extreme pain, several days out of the week, if not all the way through.

Eventually I found a few treatments, for me it was Prodrin and Sudafed that allowed me to push through the work days that have allowed me the last five years to have steady employment and build a successful sales career back up, but it’s just been fighting through steady headaches with Prodrin, which is a heavy caffeine and Tylenol mix, and then Sudafed is a decongestants and Sudafed is a vasoconstrictint so I believe that sometimes helps, but not all the time. But its made me very antisocial. I’m thought of as angry around the office, and I don’t make enough meetings, don’t like to go out, as a result. I truly have a life that revolves around the headaches as a result.

I tried several different combinations of medications to alleviate the constant pain and wrote about them in this blog  a few years back, off the top of my head, indomethacin works, but kills your stomach, constipation, ulcer-like pain, Zoloft, a slew of other antidepressants and the like, to no avail, for six months stints at a time. And a few months ago, my girlfriend suggested I try Topomax. At first I felt nothing, and it wasn’t until I got to the full dosage, but lo and behold, I am finally feeling a lot better.

Now fair warning, they say you get a bit of brain-fog, and feel dumb. This is not inaccurate. I do software presentations, and could not remember how to spell words that I clearly knew how to spell for a good two weeks. Also I couldn’t remember the name of a place I’d eaten at lunch for five years. Touch of mania as well, sending oddball texts to my boss for a week or so, but I’m way above quota for the year, so I’m in a good place politically for these kinds of antics, and the emotions are definitely starting to settle back down.

Anyway, I can honestly say its the first time since the treatment that I haven’t had a MAJOR migraine and that is huge news. In fact, its hard for me to remember if it was the treatments that caused it or my whole adult life because prior to the treatment i was an alcoholic addict, so I’d have to go back 25 years. before I wasn’t self medicated. I don’t remember having headaches leading up to the interferon, maybe one or two a week or so, i just remember feeling so happy that I was finally cured of alcoholism, and then BOOM finding out my liver was failing. It was that quick, it was just a few months after. It’s been ten years now. I’ve suffered with headaches the majority of that time.

Finally for the last three weeks or so I haven’t. I just pray with the Topomax it holds and I can continue to stay sober and continue to do God’s will and find out what the next leg of the journey is!

Crazy it took me that long to find the right medication. If anyone is struggling with Post Interferon or headaches after your hepatitis C treatments, please try to cycle up to 200 mg of Topomax with your headaches specialist or Neurologist. I thought I had tried everything and nothing worked till I got to that. I even paid $19,000 cash for jaw surgery, I didn’t need! It’s funny, not haha funny, but ironic I guess, not that isn’t the word, either. To a hammer everything looks like a nail I guess, basically every kind of Dr you see, thinks their particular field is probably what is causing your headache. I’m just glad I finally have some relief.

Big news on the book and the website coming soon. Very grateful as always to be ten years sober, and now to be pain-free, and of course with a full long life ahead of me!

Anyway, God’s Will not mine. I just hope that it holds!

Jared Bryan Smith
Author
Founder
Books4Free.com

Thank God for unanswered prayers. – Garth Brooks

Posted: September 16, 2011 in Uncategorized
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First of all internet, come on, Garth Brooks didn’t write that shit, he’s a fucking thief. I know for a fact he stole Beer Run from Todd Snyder, that aint enough, the internet’s gotta give him credit for this gem too. I only know that nugget of information because my brother is a singer/songwriter in Chattanooga, Tennessee, and I have heard Todd Snyder’s version and Brooks version and Snyder’s is better. Man, it really is an unfair world. Of course if life were fair I’d be dead buried and in hell for damn sure. And damned for sure. No life isn’t fair…Thank God.

No, so after agonizing for weeks over the decision to join the Army or not, romantic notion or not, I finally gather up all my paperwork, medical records, criminal background and all and went in to sign on the dotted line. Only to find out that as of a few months ago the have raised the medical bar, to not accept people with a) metal in their major joints, ie ankle and b) hep c antibodies, cured status and all. 1 year ago I was eligible, but with the economy in shambles and enough people signing up, they decided to raise the bar. So there’s several weeks of pointless debate for no fucking reason what so ever. Well shit, I guess God has different plans. Which brings up an even bigger issue. I still have no idea what God’s will is for me. I pray about things and the answers I hear, like join the army, or date a newcomer, are obviously still the fucking answers I want to hear, and not the actual answers God has intended for me. But hell I guess I ultimately do end up with God’s answer, as things inevitably blow up in my face, and the saving grace is that I haven’t committed to, signed up for a war zone, or knocked up someone I thought I loved who didn’t love me only to have to pay child support for the next 20 years again. I guess this is progress. Not forcing it, but letting it go when it isn’t working out, even though I wanted for it to be God’s will. Well, you can’t manipulate the Army, though don’t think I didn’t think it through. Hell the Israeli Army is probably looking for folks, lol, and yes I visited their website upon hearing the bad news, haha. Nothing like forcing it for us ole alcoholics huh.

Aww well, guess it’s not meant to be. On so many levels. At least I tried. I gave it my absolute 100% all. I put all my fear and bullshit worries behind me and I went and made my intentions known, and they said, thanks but no thanks. I won’t have to live with regret wondering if I could have done something more, tried a different way, called one more time, written a note, it just doesn’t matter. They do not want me, there is nothing I can do about it, it just aint God’s will. Wish everything in life was so clear cut and dry as the Army.

So bigger and better things, what’s next for ole JB, well I suppose my fundamental talents in the recruiting world aren’t entirely useless, guess I’ll start that company back up again, perhaps even write a new book. Been thinking about a Sci-Fi series quite honestly. The challenge with the books4free.com format for an autobiography is that it really lends itself more so to that of a series, instead of a one time hit, flash in the pan. Also if I can model the books4free.com site to exchange facebook likes, with a simply pop up screen before you get to the registering page, as well as a pop screen to the facebook like, linkedin, twitter etc, in effect trading social media presence for the free manuscript, in addition to the email addresses I am already collecting, well then, books4free.com is a much more viable tool to the indie author willing to promote his book for free, in exchange for theoretical popularity. Soo yeah, perhaps, being rejected by the Army will focus my career path as never before. Launch the recruiting company, books4free.com with a renewed vigor.

Thank God for unanswered prayers, as it says in “Acceptance is the Answer”, my favorite fucking short story in the back of the big book, this is the one that finally set the hook in me, that third time in DeKalb County crises or the looney bin if you will “Today I find it’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. This proves I don’t know what’s good for me. And if I don’t know what’s good for me, then I don’t know what’s good or bad for you or for anyone. So I’m better off if I don’t give advice, don’t figure I know what’s best, and just accept life on life’s terms, as it is today—especially my own life, as it actually is.” That is Dr. Paul O. 1918 – 2000. If you’ve never read “Acceptance is the Answer” you should. I’m saving it for an entire blog post on its own, he’s incredible.

“This proves I don’t know what’s good for me.” Wow. Yeah, duh. My own fucking brain wanted, desperately, conned lied, cheated and stole from me, to try to keep me drinking and drugging that first year. I can’t trust it. Why would I think I can trust it now. Careers I think would be perfect for me, marching around in 120 degree heat shooting a hot metal rifle, my mind told me would be perfect. The woman of my dreams, if I’m to trust my mind, would probably turn out to be the most cruel vindictive person on Earth. I’d do well to run more and more by my sponsor and less and less by my mind as this last year has really showed me it’s true colors, and how often I can taint it with romantic notions, and emotions, void of facts, clearly wrong.

So I must Accept, that I dodged a bullet. The Army doesn’t want me. So be it. I tried, I gave it my all. No regrets. It happened just like it was supposed to. I didn’t take too long, I thought about it for roughly a month before walking in prepared to sign the papers. I talked about it with my sponsor, I tried my best, it just wasn’t in the cards. Moving on. haha, at least thinking about it for over a year has got me in the best shape of my life, lol.

Jared Bryan Smith

“You told me goodbye, How was I to know, You didn’t mean goodbye, You meant please don’t let me go.” – Robert Hunter (Grateful Dead)

Posted: June 24, 2011 in Uncategorized
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Woke up thinking about work again, it’s been an amazing few months with our software going into almost every major nightclub and dozens of great restaurants throughout Atlanta, and I’ve hired three sales folks, and I’m just amped still. We release on iphone very soon, and the anticipation to see how everything all works is palpable.

Staying busy has kept me emotionally stronger than I think I would have otherwise been with all the damn goodbyes this year. Starting with the one at the beginning of the  year that still stings most prominently no matter how much i wish it didn’t, it’s like my professional life had to make a trade with my personal life or something.

I still feel good sobriety wise though. Had an ear infection in the beginning of the week and my hearing is only about 50% of what it usually is, but it finally seems like its getting better. That’s always scary in sobriety, in our heads its never just an ear infection, I was positive I was going deaf. But 100 bucks for a drs appt and some antibiotics and it seems to be going back to normal.

Visited my sister for her birthday and got to hold the new baby, and she is gorgeous. They are so happy with their perfect little family. I remember those days, when my now 15 year old son was first born, every breath is magic, and they smell so good. My son still smells sweet to me. My cousin has two kids as well and me and the older one, who is 3, played angry birds and ant smashers on my phone until he killed the battery. There was a hyper dog running around as well. How is it the people who already have 2 kids, working on three, also have a hyper dog running around, and just don’t even seem annoyed by any of it? I guess when you’re happy those things don’t irritate you, and they are all very happy in their new families.

I guess I’m just lonely, but hey thats the brakes, nobody ever promised me anything in sobriety except for work, and a daily reprieve. I didn’t wake up with an obsession to drink and drug and somedays that is all the victory you’re going to get.

Still no word on the addicted project interview but I’m definitely looking forward to seeing that in print.

Tomorrow evening, 8 pm, telling my story at the 8111 clubhouse for those in the know! Hope to see you there!

– Jared Bryan Smith

“I’ve never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure.” – Mark Twain.

Posted: May 2, 2011 in Uncategorized
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Mark Twain once wrote about a parade of soldiers, recruits mostly joining up to go fight the Mexican border wars after the Civil War, and it goes, “I have no urge to go kill men I’ve never met” but the difference of course is he never saw with his own eyes the evil perpetuated by the enemy, I believe in the case of Bin Laden, Twain would have been moved beyond pacifism, because he, cynic though he was, also appreciated and loved civilization, and hated violence in the name of God, slavery, and all other forms of man insanity. Western civilization has many flaws, but turning the dial back ten centuries would have appalled Twain even more which is what Bin Laden’s dream world looked like.

I walked ground zero about nine days after 9/11 and I remember the smoldering rubble, still smoking, piled higher than the buildings around still standing. I remember the photographs of the missing, the drawings of faces plastered all over the walls as you approached ground zero, but mostly I remember the people, still suffering, waiting, hoping against hope nine days later that somehow, their missing relative was still alive, that it was all somehow a terrible mistake. Denial is a powerful powerful emotion. Denial hits everyone on Earth in times of great distress, and 9/11 was no exception. I will never forget holding victims families, crying on my shoulder, having to tell them their family was dead. It felt cruel, but it was honest. They were dead, and they weren’t coming back. We in recovery are very familiar with denial, drugged out kookie ass looking people telling you all about their spiritual experience, claiming to know about sobriety, screaming to the world they know best, when their lives are clearly a wreck. Denial is ugly, and the humility it takes to get past it, is rare. What it really takes is a gut level honesty, and few find it. People will live a lie, nine days later, walking around, hoping against hope that their dead loved one didn’t die. It’s really a lack of acceptance. Stubborn selfishness… but it happens to a lot of us, in recovery and outside. Denial is a human trait.

Ten years later we got that motherfucker, with his son, with his wife, and killed them all. Good riddance. Rot in hell you backwards ass egomaniac murderer. Mark Twain didn’t see the towers fall. We did. Fuck Bin Laden and fuck all his followers, and anyone who kills innocent civilians in the name of whatever the fuck. Let it be a lesson, if you fuck with the United States, we will invade your country or your neighbors and hunt you down until we find you, kill you, and your family and dump your fucking body at sea. Thanks to all those sung and most especially those UNSUNG heroes that for security reasons, clearances, and mostly vows to their nation, can never speak about what it is they’ve done in the massive ten year effort to bring this son of a bitch to justice. There has been much blood, time and energy sacrificed that WILL NEVER HIT THE NEWS, and those men and women will never be able to whine about shit in a meeting, or to a shrink, they will just have to walk alone and carry their burdens between themselves, their God, and their superior officers. A prayer of thanks to everyone whose sacrificed in whatever way their nation asked them to, to get this piece of shit and remove him from the Earth.

If you are in denial about anything else in your life, be honest with those around you that love you, your family, your network, your sponsor, and ask them how they think you’re doing, and really listen to what they have to say, don’t just wait for a chance to speak. Listen… sometimes the truth hurts like hell, just before it sets you free.

To read more about my story of recovery from alcoholism, addiction, Hep C, and Interferon, including walking ground zero a couple of weeks after the 9/11 strikes, please read my book  4 free on:

http://www.books4free.com

or for kindle, nook, or ipad for only .99 cents on Smashwords:

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/19066

and available in hardback from amazon:

-Jared Bryan Smith

Drinking Wisdom: Proverbs 23:29

Posted: April 15, 2011 in Uncategorized
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This has been a strange week for me. I thought something hadn’t affected as deeply as it really had, and seeing a few images brought it all back to light, and made me sad. To this day I just don’t understand how women dismiss chemistry so easily, as if it’s just something that the next gust of wind will bring along. For me it is rare and it just seems so simply disregarded by women sometimes, it makes me wonder if we even feel things the same way. Regardless, some weeks in sobriety, all you can do is just stay sober and your mission is accomplished. A day above ground, a day building or at the very least not destroying is better than the life of the past where every moment is slow suicide, and fortunately, though love continues to be a barren desert wasteland for me, opening the bible I continually find wisdom and sage advice over 6000 years young  that still hits home.

This passage is striking to me because it’s one of those moments in time that mean more to you once you’ve experienced it first hand. If you’ve not detoxed from alcohol and drugs you’ve not experienced what this Proverb is discussing, but man if you’ve felt it, you know it’s the truth and the fact that its in the bible and that old is striking.

Proverbs 23:29 (NIV)

Who has woe? Who has sorrow?

    Who has strife? Who has complaints?

     Who has needless bruises? Who had bloodshot eyes?

Those who linger over wine,

     who go to sample bowls of mixed wine.

Do not gaze at wine when it is red,

     when it sparkles in the cup,

     when it goes down smoothly!

In the end it bites like a snake

     and poisons like a viper.

Your eyes will see strange sights

     and your mind imagine confusing things.

You will be like one sleeping on the high seas,

     lying on top of the rigging.

“They hit me,” you will say, “but I’m not hurt!

     They beat me, but I don’t feel it!

When will I wake up,

     so I can find another drink?”

WHEEEEWWW boy, that hits home. Man I pray you don’t relate too closely to those words, because let me tell you something, if your mind is imagining as confusing things as my mind was imagining in the end days of my drinking, you are fucked in the head, lol. And that quote about getting hit and never getting hurt, that’s like jumping off a bridge and not getting a scratch, or wrecking a car going 120 mph down 75, or any number of fights and scenarios I was in in which I just didn’t or couldn’t get hurt, though I wanted to die. In that Nicolas Cage movie “Lord of War” he refers to it as the curse of invincibility and I talk about it in my book some. It’s hell, because you’re miserable and want to die, but somehow you just keep getting lucky, punched and not feeling the pain, dreaming of a drink, while you lay sleeping. When can I wake up and find another drink? That’s not a monkey on your back, thats a fucking guerilla. That obsession had been lifted in me and that my friends is proof to me that there is a God. My dad blew his head off with a .357, clean off, because he believed the obsession to drink and drug was never going to be lifted, that there was no cure, that RECOVERY didn’t exist.

I’m 4.5 years sober and I promise you it does, you can get the monkey off your back, go to meetings, do 90 in 90, get a competent sponsor and begin building in your life instead of destroying. If you think you’re only hurting yourself you fail to realize that every day you don’t use your God given gifts is a day you didn’t live up to your purpose, we’re not here to selfishly serve ourselves, so get busy living or get busy dying. Make some meetings and share your experience strength and hope. God is good.

Check out the book at the link below and its on smashwords for kindle nook and the link via the links on the blog for .99 cents, so go check  it out and please like Hippopotamus Sea on facebook! Thanks so much!

-JB Smith