Posts Tagged ‘AA’

Hippopotamus Sea’s 1st Professional Review – Five Stars!!

Posted: April 6, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
1

In celebration of the 1st Professional review we’ve allowed the book to be downloaded on smashwords 100% free for a limited time. Smashwords converts the book for  Kindle, Nook, Sony’s reader, the IPAD and more, and Mark Coker is a genius as I’ve blogged about before. I allow Mark’s Smashwords.com site to handle all the digital distribution of the book because it’s simply the cleanest  most effective distributor of ebooks on Earth. Check out the book for free there, I’ll probably keep it free for a few weeks, down from $3.95.

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/19066

It’s funny, when I was out there drinking, I was never insecure, shy or passive in any way shape or form, I was quite the opposite, loud, boastful and assertive in almost all aspects of my life. And running the show ended me up absolutely psychotic, so today things are different, I try and follow God’s will.

From a publishing standpoint though, if you’re not blowing your own horn, nobody else is gonna, especially as an Indie writer, but despite being slow, and shy, having sent out the book to only one professional book reviewer, instead of what is suggested by all the blogs and other vanity publishers, sending them to dozens, I couldn’t have handled bad reviews from that many folks. So I just sent to one, Bobbie Crawford McCoy in Canada, Founder of Nurture Your Books. You can find her review on my Amazon page, Smashwords on the front page of my blog, or directly:

http://nurtureyourbooks.com/website/index.php/blog/book-review24/

I was so relieved to finally read it. It’s a good review. That’s all I could ask for, and more importantly to me, she noted the fact that it was honest, and that the motive really is to help other people who may be going through the same struggle.

So now that I’ve gotten a good professional review, I feel much more comfortable sending out the book to multiple book reviewers as was suggested, I just really didn’t have the confidence to spend the time money and energy on that adventure without at least knowing I had one good professional review under my belt.

Thanks Bobbie Crawford McCoy, I can move confidently in the direction of my dreams for a while.

“There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.”
— Oscar Wilde

-Jared Bryan Smith

 

Comprehensive List of Celebrities with Hepatitis C : My personal fav, Linda Lovelace, awww yeah, haha…

Posted: March 19, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
2

Country music icon Naomi Judd opens up about being diagnosed with hepatitis C.

For more information, visit http://www.thedoctorstv.com/

Several public figures suffer from hepatitis C and some have died. Celebrities with hepatitis C, according to news reports:

• Gregg Allman Rock musician and founding member of The Allman Brothers Band

• Pamela Anderson: She is perhaps the best-known hepatitis C patient, if only because the former Baywatch star has such a flair for publicity. Her revelation last year that she had the disease prompted innumerable news stories.

• Keith Richards–Guitarist/singer/songwriter/producer and founding member of the Rolling Stones. He claims that due to the strength of his immune system he beat hepatitis C by leaving his body to deal with it

• Ray Benson–Front man of the Austin Western swing band Asleep at the Wheel. Benson chose to treat his hepatitis C with Eastern medicine.

• Steven Tyler–Musician and songwriter in the rock band Aerosmith. In September 2006, he announced that he had been diagnosed three years previous and had just completed eleven months of treatment with interferon.

• Natalie Cole–Singer and daughter of Nat King Cole. She was diagnosed in mid-2008 during a routine examination.

• Willy DeVille One of the founders of the band Mink DeVille and a pioneer in punk rock. He was diagnosed with hepatitis C in February 2009 and was found to have pancreatic cancer during the course of his treatment

• Anthony Kiedis–American vocalist/lyricist of the rock band Red Hot Chili Peppers. He contracted Hepatitis C from regular intravenous drug use in the early 1990s and claims he was cured of the Hep C virus by Ozone therapy

• Naomi Judd: The former nurse and country singer has been one of the best-known hep C celebrities. She retired from the Judds, the duo with daughter Wynonna, in 1991. But she has since undergone treatment and become more active.

• Dusty Hill: The band ZZ Top stopped touring in 2000 because the bassist had hepatitis C. The band began touring again in 2002.

• Evel Knievel: The motorcycle daredevil had a liver transplant more than two years ago and later said doctors could find no trace of the virus in his blood.

• Chuck Negron: He’s the former lead singer on such Three Dog Night classics as “Joy to the World.”

• Larry Hagman: The television actor required a liver transplant in 1995.

• Phil Lesh: One of the founding members of the Grateful Dead, the bass player received a liver transplant several years ago.

• “Superstar” Billy Graham: The former WWF wrestling champion got a liver transplant last year. He thought he contracted the virus by being bled on during wrestling matches years ago.

• David Crosby: The rock star with a fabled history of drug abuse is touring again after receiving a liver transplant in 1995.

• Freddy Fender: The singer of such ’70s hits as “Wasted Days and Wasted Nights” suffers from several health problems, including hepatitis C.

• Jack Kevorkian: The retired pathologist, now serving a prison term for killing a man who had Lou Gehrig’s disease, has hepatitis C, his lawyer says.

• Laurie Bembenek: The former Playboy bunny, whose conviction in a Milwaukee murder and later escape are chronicled in the book Run, Bambi, Run, is free now but suffers from hepatitis C.

• Rolf Benirschke: The former star kicker for the San Diego Chargers got the virus from a transfusion two decades ago. He has used his sports status to raise awareness about the disease.

• Linda Lovelace: The star of the 1972 porn film “Deep Throat” contracted the virus from a transfusion and had a liver transplant in 1987. She died in 2002 at age 53 after a car crash.

• Willie Dixon: The legendary bluesman was diagnosed with hepatitis C shortly before his death in 1992. He contracted the virus from transfusions in 1987.

• Alejandro Escovedo–Musician specializing in roots rock/alternative country, diagnosed in April 2003.

• Mickey Mantle: The baseball great is thought to have contracted hepatitis C during a transfusion for a knee operation. He died of liver cancer in 1995.

• Stormie Jones: The 13-year-old died in 1990 six years after becoming the first person in the world to receive heart and liver transplants in a single operation. Hepatitis C damaged that liver, though, and before she died she received a second liver and treatment for the virus.

• Ken Kesey: The author of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, who died of liver cancer in 2001, suffered from hepatitis C.

• James Earl Ray: The confessed assassin of Martin Luther King Jr. died in 1998 of liver disease after being infected with hepatitis C, probably in a 1981 blood transfusion he received after a prison stabbing.

• Allen Ginsberg: The poet laureate of the Beat Generation died in 1997 after battling hepatitis C for many years. He had terminal liver cancer.

• Lance Loud: The free-spirited son on public television’s “An American Family” in 1971, he died in 2001 of liver failure caused by hepatitis C and HIV.

• Frank Reynolds: Experts speculated at the time that the newsman’s death in 1983 was hastened by the virus later known as hepatitis C, which he may have contracted through a transfusion.

• Benito Mussolini: Did Il Duce, the World War II Italian dictator, have the disease? A new biography speculates that his chronic health problems — stomach pain, fatigue and depression — stemmed from an ulcer and a mild case of hepatitis C.

• Chet Helms Music producer who helped create the vibrant San Francisco rock music scene in the 1960s. He was undergoing interferon treatment for hepatitis C when he suffered a stroke

• Phil Lesh Founding member and bass guitarist of the rock band Grateful Dead. He was diagnosed with hepatitis C in 1992 and received a liver transplant in 1998.

• David Marks Early member of The Beach Boys, who believes that he contracted the disease through drug use. He campaigns to raise awareness, supporting the UK National Health Service’s “FaCe It” campaign.

• Tawn Mastrey Disc jockey who was the voice of 1980s heavy-metal scene in Los Angeles. She contracted hepatitis C when she was a child.

• Kenny Neal New Orleans blues and swamp blues guitar player. He took a year off from performing while receiving treatment and returned to the Monterey Blues Festival in 2007.

• Chuck Negron Vocalist and founding member of Three Dog Night. He contracted hepatitis C due to “the long-lasting effects of drug use and alcoholism”.

• Gary S. Paxton Bakersfield country and gospel music artist. He contracted hepatitis C through several blood transfusions and almost died from the disease in 1990.

• Curtis Salgado Blues, R&B, and soul singer-songwriter-musician. Developed cirrhosis and liver cancer because of hepatitis C. Six benefit concerts were held in 2006 to raise money for his medical bills

• Tony Scalzo Rock musician and songwriter, best known as a founding member of the band Fastball.

• Uncle John Turner Blues musician and one of the founders of the blues-rock style of drumming

• Randy Turner Lead singer for the seminal hardcore punk band Big Boys.

• Christopher Lawford Nephew of John F. Kennedy, best known for his role as Charlie Brent on the soap opera All My Children in the early 1990s. He was diagnosed with hepatitis C in 2001

• Natasha Lyonne Best known for her roles in the first two American Pie films

•Anita Pallenberg –Italian-born model, actress and fashion designer. Also known as the great influence on the development and presentation of the Rolling Stones from the late 1960s and through the 1970s

• Ken Watanabe Japanese actor best known for his role in The Last Samurai. He contracted hepatitis C from a blood transfusion when he was receiving treatment for acute myeloid leukemia

• Stanley Fafara Child actor who played “Whitey” on Leave it to Beaver. He contracted hepatitis C from intravenous drug use

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_people_with_hepatitis_C

Living Sober – Exercise, Insomnia, AA, Dr. Amen and Chemical Imbalances (SPECT Scans)

Posted: March 14, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
0

In 2008 I had just finished over a year of grueling, miserable Interferon Treatment which cured my Hep C, but which was hell. Even after quitting the Interferon I continued to suffer extreme headaches and it felt like some days I was better off while on Interferon. All you can do at that point though is just power through and hope for the best. For me that meant praying the treatment would be successful and it hadn’t all been in vain. For me, it was worth it, I was cured of Hep C, but for far too many, or roughly 50% of the people who do the year-long Interferon treatment, they don’t get cured and still must suffer all the long-term horrific side effects that the scientific, or maybe just the pharmaceutical community downplay so effectively here in the states. I’m lucky because at least my constant headaches, aches and pains mean I am at least cured of Hepatitis C. But in that first month when I wasn’t quite sure yet, since they must let you be off the Interferon for six months before they will pronounce you “cured”, I just had to wait, suffer and wonder. During that time I saw a PBS show that covered the science of the brain.

Dr. Daniel Amen as it turns out was using a new technique to study the brain, and I found it absolutely fascinating, primarily because I was facing so many changes in my own mind, having suffered from the disease of addiction and alcoholism, literally losing my mind, and then in 2008 at roughly 1.5 years sober, recovering from a year-long assault on my mind in the form of Interferon, in the name of curing Hep C. Some of the things his scans showed, called SPECT Scans, were freaking amazing. Mainly that the alcoholic brain in the SPECT scans looked empty and riddled with holes for roughly 12 months after the alcoholic quit drinking! That it took over a year for the alcoholic mind to get back to normal blew my mind, but it made perfect sense. Also he had data showing clearly worse recovery rates of the brain of people who used harder drugs like methamphetamine’s, Cocaine and LSD (lucky me). To me, this looked like conclusive evidence, and the only data I’d ever really seen portrayed as efficiently. Having gotten sober myself, and thinking, hell after 30 days, or 90 days I should be just fine, be right back to normal, and that obviously not happening, I was very glad to see hard data showing that it took longer than I had expected to return to a state of normalcy, and furthermore he had done even more research into the mind, and even delved into looking at the Pharmaceutical Industry’s cure alls, anti depressants, ADHD medication, and even anti anxiety medication. This guy had really done his research with thousands of patients, and the data he shared on the PBS special I was watching was mind-blowing. For one thing I fully expected him to endorse all the meds out there thrown to the American populus but in fact his data refuted it.

I don’t have the charts or the graphs he used in front of me, but let me just give you the gist, and if you’re in a similar situation as I was back then, at least do yourself the favor of researching Dr. Amen’s data yourself, as I include a link at the bottom of this blog.

As I was recovering from a year long fight with Interferon, depression, and roughly 20 years of addiction and suffering from terrible bouts of sadness and more acutely headaches, getting on antidepressants or medications was a serious consideration. The only thing holding me back from it was the experience I’d had with it just before I began Inteferon which was that when I began taking Wellbutrin my cravings to drink and drug went through the roof. As my sponsor told me it was disconnecting me from the spirit, just like a drink or a drug would do. But still I was suffering so I was still considering trying the softer easier way of medications again, especially now that I had over a year sober. I wasn’t making the decision lightly though, and watching this special ultimately made me try exercise instead. As I remember the presentation, what he basically said was that, yes, you could get temporary results against depression and ADHD from medicines but the chart basically showed that like with any drug, to continue experiencing the favored results you would need to continue increasing your dosage, and also you would experience side effects that came along with the drugs, and as you increased your dosage, you would increase you side effects. One of the major side effects being sexual. Well, sorry folks, but fuck that. I like my sexual prowess to remain unaffected, haha. That basically sealed the deal for me but he continued, showing the same chart of moods, but instead of countering them with medicines and pharmaceuticals, countering them with an exercise regimen, that also increased along as your body became more and more capable of handling the work out. The data was spellbinding to me. Basically, the mood stabilizations were equal if not greater than that of the same patients using medicines, except that sexual side effects weren’t experienced, in fact quite the opposite, sex became more enjoyable in my case once I got in shape, and also exercise is free, as well as you didn’t have the other side effects of dry mouth, nausea, etc. and more importantly, you weren’t becoming dependent on chemicals. The effects of exercise long-term, were more effective at creating the natural chemicals in your mind that ultimately make you feel better.

And to back it all up he shared brain scans of different patients using the two different methods, of exercise vs chemical dependency, because that’s what anti depressants become, even if they are prescribed by Doctors, and low and behold the patients with just exercise mind’s were much better in those scans a year later than those who were relying on pharmaceuticals. And yet people still choose the softer easier way and come into the rooms of AA overloaded with prescriptions and anti anxiety medicines, and ultimately, if they make it and that’s a big if, they’ve just switched dependencies.

I’m not a Dr. and AA doesn’t have an opinion on medications, but the data Dr. Amen showed was clear and I’m glad I saw it. Please check out the scans at the link below and I’ll also add his blog to my blogroll as it is fascinating information. And yes I am fully aware of his critics and those that discredit those SPECT scans, but the arguments seem to me much like telling Columbus the world was flat. People on the forefront of technology are constantly getting attacked, and also, for someone so blatantly talking about the ineffectiveness of the pharmaceutical industries cure alls that are over prescribed wish lists of symptom treaters, I would expect nothing less than a full on counter attack. Fuck em the data makes sense to me because I lived it.

Based on his data and the show’s I’ve since incorporated exercise into my program of recovery, and it makes a HUGE difference. If I don’t work out even just for a couple of days, I become prone to depression, and thoughts, although they pass quickly, of the chronic “Fuck It’s” we in recover are prone to. Nothing like the obsession of early recovery mind you, as I am free of that obsession, thank God, but still, if I don’t work out, I definitely can feel a difference. And again, my experience with meds was that they made me feel less connected, where as working out, I experience endorphin rushes, runners high, and after wards often feel as good as having just had sex… well maybe not that good, but closer than I ever have with the meds I’ve flirted with in recovery. Bottom line, though our literature only mentions exercise in one book, “Living Sober” it sure as hell has made a huge difference in my recovery, and I wish we had more studies regarding it’s long term positive effects, versus that of prescribed medications because though Dr. Amen’s data was conclusive to me, there is still a lot of debate out there, and I’d love to see the issue settled, with hard conclusive facts.

I would really also love for Dr. Amen to do a specific study of the brain effects, before and afterwards of both Chemo and interferon patients, and maybe he has and I just haven’t seen it. Because the scientific community claims it doesn’t affect the brain but I’m here to tell you there are long term ramifications to interferon, I can no longer do math in my head, remember names as well, and more and though they may not be able to prove it through blood work, I wonder if Dr. Amen’s scans show a difference.

Oh the other thing I definitely wanted to mention, and if you’ve ever spent ANY amount of time in the rooms of AA or NA this is something you constantly hear, “but I’m an insomniac, or I have trouble sleeping.” Exercise is the BEST way on Earth to counter insomnia. Nobody, and I mean nobody on Earth goes through boot camp, and can’t fall asleep at night! Yesterday I ran 13 miles in two hours, and guess what, I slept like a baby. If you have trouble sleeping, before you go get nyquil, or good forbid prescription meds to go to sleep, incorporate exercise. Those chemicals are mood changers and I’ve taken them and know for a fact they change the way you feel that night, but also for the day or two following, and we are too sensitive to be flirting with that kind of disaster. If you have bad knees and can’t run, join a gym and swim. The human body spent hundreds of thousands of years wallking, running and exercising on a daily basis and evolution hasn’t caught up to the fact that we no longer use our bodies for survival and therefore all of us generally have pent up energy at the end of our days. Add to that scientific fact, the fact that we made ourselves pass out to go to sleep for years on end, and OF COURSE YOU HAVE TROUBLE GOING TO SLEEP, we all did early on, and I’m here to tell you, simply add exercise daily to your life, and you will find you no longer have a problem sleeping. Even if you just start out by walking a mile or two a day, start some where, this is scientific fact… and if you’re around me, and don’t work out, don’t whine about not being able to sleep. It’s simple cause and effect. And it’s really simple, as Nike says: Just do it!

http://www.amenclinics.com/brain-science/spect-image-gallery/

– Jared Bryan Smith

Pharmaceuticals, Doctors, AA, and Sobriety, The Over Medication of America – Modern Bloodletting

Posted: February 25, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
1

Pharmaceuticals, Doctors, AA and Sobriety

It is clear, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Alcoholics Anonymous, has no stance on outside issues, and this includes the use of pharmaceuticals, prescribed by Doctors to help the newcomer get off alcohol and more illicit drugs. I used Librium to fight detox on two occasions, and I’m glad it existed, as the time I detoxed with nothing, was a freaking nightmare, so I get the good that they are capable of, though I never used them for more than a few days to get past the worst of the shakes and dt’s.

What does concern me though, is when a newcomer comes into the rooms, has several different Doctors, is cross diagnosed as manic depressive, borderline personality disorder, let us not forget the ever popular Bipolar diagnosis, and of course each and every one of us qualifies for ADHD, and is on several different kinds of heavy legally prescribed drugs, and then can’t figure out, why at 90 days they aren’t feeling any better.

It was refreshing therefore to see a speaker yesterday who’d been diagnosed schizophrenic, and a few other diagnoses and had all the accompanying symptoms, have a Doctor tell him, “I don’t think you are any of these things, just a plain old fashioned garden variety alcoholic, and I believe if you just practice the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, you will feel 100% relief from all these supposed conditions.” The Doctor then told him, “We will keep a close eye on you, expect some moderate to severe discomfort the first week or two as you cycle all these meds out of your system, but as you come into week three, four and five, I’ll be willing to bet you begin feeling considerably better, especially if you stay on top of your program and continue going to lots of meetings and working the steps.”

The speaker from last night told us he immediately began to feel better. His mind began to clear almost instantly, that it was uncomfortable the first few days, but after a week, he began to feel the light like he’d never felt it before and he was something in the neighborhood of six months sober. Those meds had been blocking the sunlight of the spirit however, and for the first time, he really began to feel relief. He said he believed those meds had been keeping his mind fuzzy for months on end and as soon as he stopped the fog began to lift. Most Doctors do not understand this miracle that is recovery. Since 1939 people with as bad and worse cross addictions, and emotional disorders have been getting sober through AA without medications, and yet, now, in 2010, it seems, every woman and man that comes in to the program comes clutching on to two or three pill bottles, for two or three different diagnoses. Though AA doesn’t have a stance on medications, I feel like we should at least tell people, “Listen, should you do it your way with all these meds and find the results still wanting, remember there is another way.” The Founders, and for decades millions, of AA’ers got sober, without any meds at all. Having anxiety is a normal part of getting sober, which is the God sized hole we must fill with the program of action.

 

I by no means speak for AA and I by no means advocate not listening to your doctor, but AA does have a pamphlet you can share with you Doctor at the link below, and it was just good to hear a speaker talk about how it had worked for him, specifically dropping his medications, and giving 100% chemical freedom a chance.

I know for me, when I was diagnosed with Hepatitis C, and began taking Interferon, which I wouldn’t wish on Osama Bin Laden (well maybe him), they told me to take Wellbutrin, because the awful side effects were so strong they were surely going to make me depressed. But after just a few days of that medication, after being completely sober a year, 100% chemical free, I felt completely disconnected from God. I quit taking them that day and instantly felt better. I did my entire year without anti depressants, anti anxiety or pain medications because I didn’t want to feel disconnected from God as I went through that year of low level chemotherapy to clear my body of Hepatitis C. I’d felt the connection with God, and I didn’t want anything to sever that, more so that the Interferon itself would have to. I can’t imagine what it must be like getting sober, with those kinds of chemicals keeping you separated from the very beginning. It may make the first few days easier, like Librium, but I bet when you’re rounding the 90 day and 6 month timeframes of sobriety, you just aren’t as connected as someone who has been getting sober without all the psychological meds.

Again, I’m no official, or Doctor, but my experience strength and hope is that, just as I couldn’t get sober on the Marijuana Maintenance program, I doubt real sobriety comes while on a cocktail of pharmaceuticals. If you are on a cocktail and you don’t feel like you’re getting the results, just remember that you haven’t tried all the ways of sobriety just yet. Please just be aware that there is another way, the way of 100% chemical freedom, no medications other than Tylenol, Advil and the like. Show the following AA pamphlet to your doctor, and honestly ask them, “Could this approach work for me? Could we at least try it for 90 days, and if it’s not yielding results you can always go back to all the meds, but don’t give up, don’t stop persevering or relapse back into the old drinking and drugging ways, without at least giving every single avenue, every single creek that leads to the river and ocean of life, a chance. Many more people have gotten sober without all the medications in the last 10 to 20 years, than have with them, and if it feels like it’s not working, just remember, there is one more way.

If you are on a bunch of meds and it’s your first time in AA, don’t beat yourself up, who can blame anyone for doing as their Doctors suggests? We are all just proud of you for being here in the first place and we will love you until you learn to love yourself, it just makes sense to be aware that there is another way of doing things, and the purists, over the past 70 years, cumulatively have a lot of sobriety. So if it’s not working your way, remember, there is another path that may hurt more on the front end, but that many believe, pays huge dividends as you work the 12 Steps clean and sober, without any medications. If nothing else seems to be working, isn’t it worth a try?

http://www.aa.org/catalog.cfm?origpage=189&product=33

-Jared Bryan Smith

 

Hippopotamus Sea: My Viral Sobriety – Rand Hopkins Dedication

Posted: February 23, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
2

So recently I’ve been asked a few times about the dedication in the beginning of my book, given to Rand Hopkins who was a mentor to me in my writing from early on. He, my Uncle and my father were good friends dating years back in the Atlanta theater scene as they worked on such productions as “The Boy King”, a play about Martin Luther King’s childhood and several other plays in Atlanta during the eighties. My Dad had a sound recording studio in the basement, prior to his death, and this was where they recorded the scores for all of those plays.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0394259/

Rand Hopkins was a writer, an actor, and even a talented painter, and my Aunt still has several of his paintings. He was also a very jovial, loving man, who was one of the few people on Earth who could tell me good stories about my Dad after he died in 1989 of alcoholism, or suicide rather, but still when someone dies like that most of the stories take dark turns. Only a handful of people were able to tell me good things about my Dad, and he was one of them. A particular funny story involved my dad going outside to take a piss and coming back in screaming and yelling about a dog almost biting his dick off, and as Rand would tell the story he’d be in tears with the theatrics, and his laughter was a contagious sort, so I’d be in tears laughing about my dad’s antics. That was a kind thing of him to do, and I was grateful, then and now.

Shortly after my father passed, my mom allowed me to go to NYC with a group of kids that Rand would host, and we would visit all the Broadway Plays in New York City. What an adventure for a 12 year old. We would have a blast. My mom gave me a few hundred bucks spending cash, and I remember hitting Time Square and finding every arcade I could possibly find, and just spending hours and hours in them. Rand didn’t mind just so long as I made it back to the hotel before midnight or so. While we were in NYC we saw a ton of plays, from Phantom of the Opera, to Miss Saigon, Les Miserable, and even a few off broadway productions as well, including one in which we sat second or third row and Ralph Macchio from the Karate Kid was the lead actor. I remember watching it and marveling at the differences between plays and movies with the Karate Kid a few feet from me, remembering his lines flawlessly, but still so much more human than on the big screen.

As the years passed we lost touch, especially as my drug and drinking use accelerated. But at a few critical moments I would reach out to him and share with him my writings, and he would encourage me, and tell me I was talented and I should continue writing. He sent me a copy of the Writer’s Market around 1998, and then again in 2004, when we reconnected after I was cast, quite accidentally, in “Miracle on 32nd Street” due to Gwen’s insistence. That’s another story you can find in the book. It was just a few weeks after my mama had died of cancer, and Gwen had left me for San Diego. I was withdrawing from all opiates and doing my damnedest not to kill myself drinking, or at this point, the way my father had gone. We talked briefly one night about a month after my mom, and he said something to the effect of “Live out your dreams JB, because life is short and you just never know when you might get run over by a bus. Write a book about everything you’ve gone through, because you’ve gone through a lot, and it will help you heal.” Literally a month later Rand Hopkins died suddenly in his sleep. I dropped out of that play, unable to contain my drinking binges, and completely incapable of showing up to anything on time or with any kind of consistency, but because of that play, and the people at the play house I heard about Rand’s death, and otherwise, I doubt I would have ever even heard. Funny how life works out like that.

I wasn’t invited to the funeral. Or maybe I was, and they just couldn’t get a hold of me. That’s the predicament of being a black out drunk, it’s hard to blame folks for lost invites, but the significance of that man, his words and his sentiment was never lost on me. He believed in me as a writer, and because he was an award winning writer himself I believed in him. If anybody else had said it I wouldn’t have believed them.

He had awesome connections and friends, and I sometimes wonder if I could reach any of them, but I know he knew Michael Jay Fox and also helped out Kenan Thompson who was also from my hometown of Atlanta, GA, early on in his career, though I’m not real sure the extent or depth of either friendships.

Still, I wish he’d been here to see my book launched, and could have helped me a little to promote it, and more than that, to tell me what he really thought. The good die young it seems. I suppose I should rejoice that I had him in my life as long as I did, and be proud that I did complete the project.

I dedicated the book to him because more than anyone else, his encouragement and faith in my writing meant the absolute most to me over the years. He was a good friend and I miss him much.

-Jared Bryan Smith

Kindness Regardless – The Challenge of Ego

Posted: February 20, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
0

For years and years I jumped at the excuse for a fight, and a grudge, hell I collected those. Having had a spiritual awakening though, and being relieved of the obsession to drink and drug, and having turned over my will to God, I know for damned sure he doesn’t ever want me to be angry, resentful or aggressive in any manner… ever. Knowing these philosophical laws and acting accordingly are two entirely different things though. Still in all the literature, both AA, and New Testament, ridding ourselves of anger and resentment is a cornerstone of our new found freedom.

In the Big Book, on page 66 it says:

“If we were to live we had to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for alcoholics these things are poison.”

A few years ago, and this is something I removed from the book, a friend of mine and I moved in together after I had finished my year of Tx, or Interferon treatment. I was literally evicted from the abandon house the month my TX treatment ended, which was a miracle in itself, but regardless, I was tired. Sheerly exhausted after a year of hellacious low level chemo for Hep C, and I just moved in with him thinking our long term friendship, from the time of kindergarten, was enough of a reason to trust him. I did it in spite of my sponsor’s advice, and despite the fact that he was still using drugs and alcohol moderately. All of those signs should have been ominous red flags, but in the program you just have to live and learn. It turned out, as my sponsor and network assured me it would be, to be a fricking disaster. He would get drunk, scream and yell at me and generally get both verbally and physically abusive. This was a guy I used to fist fight when drunk all the time, but I had about two years sober and was being told that wasn’t the way to handle things. So I would find myself walking away from my own home, into the night, as I’d done when I was drinking and drugging a lot and after about three or four months of this domestic drama I’d had enough and plotted a way to move out. I did so, one weekend, in a hurry, because otherwise it would have been dramatic and I’d had enough of the confrontations. After being successfully moved in to a new apartment near my work and starting a new job, he called several times, freaking out on me, saying he’d signed a year lease on account of having a roommate, etc, which I’d never agreed to, and also that I owed him some money, roughly 200 bucks for utilities. I said I would pay him at the end of the month. He told me to pay now or he’d call the CEO of my 25 million dollar company and tell them I was an ex heroin addict, had Hepatitis C, and in the end he said, nobody wants a junkie working for them. I called his bluff and a day later I was called into HR’s offices and confronted about being an ex junkie, and Hep C survivor, as if that was anybody’s business. I denied it all, but was actually fired for no reason, with the top sales numbers in the company six months later. When I walked out of those offices, I walked to my car, more like a quick march, and I prepared to go find this supposed friend of mine I’d known since kindergarten, and proceed to fucking kill him. On the way there, I heard a voice in my head tell me that I should go to a meeting instead. I went to the meeting, and like infinite times before I heard exactly what I needed to hear, that anger wasn’t acceptable for an alcoholic, and that I had to be rid of it. And so I prayed about it. I’d spent years in anger before. The beauty of alcoholics anonymous is that I had a network of men I could talk to about my anger, and within 24 hours I had completely, 100% forgiven this man for trying to get me fired, and ultimately freed myself of the resentment within 24 hours. When I was in my disease, I held onto resentments for years, even decades. This program taught me how to forgive, and be a useful servant to those suffering, because angry, who can I serve? Only myself.

Matthew 5:44

“Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be the sons of your Father in heaven…if you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even the pagans do that.”

Funny how so much program stuff and Christianity go hand in glove like that. It is common to love those that love you, it is much more challenging to love those that have wronged you, or whom do not like you, but are not they God’s children as well? And especially in AA, where we want the hand to be open to newcomers at all times, under any and all circumstances, it is crucial to forgive, forget, and love everyone, no matter what, period, the end. Pride and ego make it easy to forget this fact, but that friend that called my boss those years ago, whom I forgave, has since reached out to me about quitting drinking. Had I hated him, or worse been aggressive and violent as my initial gut reaction screamed for, I could have closed that door of useful service, of being able to be a hand of AA. Thank God I was taught how to forgive, and thank God my resentments don’t rent space in my head anymore.

And even when it can seem unfair, Pauls words in Romans help me as well:

Romans 5:2:

“And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character, and hope.”

Basically it is easy to give lip service to forgiveness. To being kindness, regardless of all circumstances, to turning the other cheek if necessary, and  being able to be of service, to everyone at all times. Just as Christ taught us forgiveness, the program teaches us that anger is the dubious luxury of normal men.

My ego, and pride can flare up and say something like “But then my kindness is misinterpreted for weakness, or naivety, or worse cowardice.” But as even Ghandi, who was not a Christian said ““The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” 

Ego deflation though, is critical to all spiritual progress, as humility is the cornerstone of all spirituality.

So what if it hurts my ego. Suck it up cupcake. You can not let your light shine on the world, be happy, joyous and free and be angry at the same time. To be of maximum service of God, you absolutely must forgive yourself, and all others around you, all their transgressions, real or imagined.

– Jared Bryan Smith


Gregg Allman – Hepatitis C – Liver Transplant – Interferon – Dirty Tattoo Needle…really Gregg? You’re a rock star, who cares.

Posted: February 2, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
2

Gregg Allman was always one of my favorite musicians, and I used to love getting drunk and high going to Allman brothers shows. Recently I found out he too was a Hep C survivor and had actually had a liver transplant done as well. This article I found on the internet though, is fucking laced with inconsistencies about Hep C, treatment, Interferon, and the like, even calling Hep C an STD which it is clearly not. I have first hand proof that it isn’t, having knocked up a woman years and years ago while still in my active addiction and disease, who then had an abortion, but never got the Hep C that I was carrying back then, thank God I’ve been cleared of it. But surely if it was an STD it would have spread during the conception of a child, but it didn’t. My liver doctor told me of multiple cases of man and wife being married for 20-30 + years and not spreading the virus via sex, and yet major news outlets like CNN can still report it as an STD, just blatantly disregarding facts, and common accepted truths in the medical community. Hell even the AMA took it off the list of STD’s a few years back, and here is all they say about it:

“HCV is transmitted primarily through large or repeated direct percutaneous exposures to blood. In the United States, the relative importance of the two most common exposures associated with transmission of HCV, blood transfusion and injecting-drug use, has changed over time. Blood transfusion, which accounted for a substantial proportion of HCV infections acquired >15 years ago, rarely accounts for recently acquired infections although the risk is not zero. In contrast, injecting-drug use consistently has accounted for a substantial proportion of HCV infections and currently accounts for 60 percent of HCV transmission in the United States and a high proportion of infections continue to be associated with injecting-drug use.”

There article is completely devoid of any STD talk because it is proven not to be transmitted via semen, saliva, or other fluids, only blood…

But because it was mislabeled in the beginning of it’s discovery, the rumor and confusion persists, and even educated nurses will call it an STD, when it clearly isn’t:

Here are several other links basically stating the exact same facts.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15128350

http://qjmed.oxfordjournals.org/content/92/9/505.abstract?maxtoshow=&hits=10&RESULTFORMAT=&fulltext=Lack+of+evidence+for+the+heterosexual+transmission+of+hepatitis+C&searchid=1&FIRSTINDEX=0&resourcetype=HWCIT

And yet still, a CNN reporter and presumably an editor fuck it up as recently as last summer while reporting on Gregg Allman’s case:

CNN by Deborah Mitchell

Hepatitis C, a liver disease in which the organ become inflamed and dysfunctional, destroyed Gregg Allman’s liver, making him a candidate for a liver transplant. The 62-year-old rock and blues legend underwent the surgical procedure at the Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville, Florida.

Individuals can get hepatitis C through contact with an infected person’s blood. This can occur in a variety of ways, such as being born to a mother who has the disease, having sex with an infected individual, being tattooed or pierced with an unsterilized needle that was used on an infected person, sharing drug needles with an infected individual, experiencing an accidental needle stick from a needle that was used on an infected person, or using an infected person’s toothbrush or razor.

Most people do not experience symptoms of hepatitis C until the virus has caused damage to the liver, which can take ten or more years to occur once the infection sets in. Symptoms may include jaundice (yellowish eyes and skin), swollen stomach or ankles, diarrhea, upset stomach, tiredness, nausea, weakness, loss of appetite, dark yellow urine, weight loss, abnormally long bleeding times, and the development of spiderlike blood vessels on the skin.

Allman began treatment for chronic hepatitis C in late 2007, and his doctors recommended a liver transplant because his liver had suffered chronic damage. Most hepatitis C infections become chronic, according to the National Institute for Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases. Without treatment, chronic hepatitis C can cause cirrhosis (scarring of the liver), liver cancer, and liver failure.

Hepatitis C is not treated unless it becomes chronic. A combination of drugs, peginterferon and ribavirin, is usually used to help slow or stop the virus from damaging the liver. Peginterferon is administered by injection once a week while ribavirin is taken daily by mouth.

According to the National Organ Procurement and Transplantation Network (OPTN), which is operated by United Network for Organ Sharing, approximately 6,500 liver transplants have been performed each year in the United States. More than 15,000 men, women and children are on a waiting list for a donated liver. The details of each candidate’s condition are confidential, although the OPTN can answer general questions about its transplant policy and process.

When chronic hepatitis C results in liver failure, a liver transplant is typically necessary, as occurred in Allman’s case. Drug treatment typically continues after transplantation because hepatitis C usually returns despite surgery.

SOURCES:
CNN, June 23, 2010
National Institute for Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases
National Organ Procurement and Transplantation Network

So yeah, good work Deborah, way to continue to misrepresent and promote an incorrect stereotype, and kudos CNN on letting it slide.

As for Gregg Allman, you amazing guitarist and hero to so many southerners and music fans out there, why come up with this bullshit story? You sing about heroin, we know you were an addict, we aren’t fucking morons. You could have been so helpful to so many people by stating exactly what happened to you, your struggle with Hepatitis C, your liver transplant and exactly how you got it, but instead of manning up and just admitting you were a junkie, you give the world this crap ass cop out:

“Gregg Allman was diagnosed with Hepatitis C in 2007; he suspects he was infected by a dirty tattoo needle. Allman had been on a donor list since 2008.

Look Gregg, I know getting Hep C isn’t exactly prestigious, but who gives a shit, you’re a fucking rock star. Now that you’ve beaten it, how about it? Tell us how Interferon was? Are you still suffering from the after effects like so many of us are? Are you achy, fatigued constantly with headaches plaguing you every other day, sometimes day in/day out for weeks on end? Do you have brain fog, was your creativity affected? We fucking need a voice Gregg, and you and Steven Tyler just brush it off completely. Worse yet is Anthony Keidis and Keith Richards who claim to have beaten it with good luck and charm, and Anthony rambles on about Ozone and some magical fairy dust or gas, but the rest of us went through hard as hell Interferon treatment, and many of us are still suffering from long term effects of it… the worst of which for me is the brain fog. Are you Gregg? Steven? Or do you just feel fine? Inquiring minds would love to know, cause we could really use a voice. The pharmaceutical industry thinks they’ve got a cure, but may I remind you of the Hippocratic Oath. First do no harm. I am in constant chronic pain, and though Hep C free, that sure as fuck feels like harm. What about you Gregg? I am glad you got your liver and have beaten the disease, but come on man, step up to the plate, there are millions suffering, and you could be a really big inspiration to people. Let us know how you’re really doing.

-Jared Bryan Smith

A minor operation is one that is done on someone else – Dr. Richard Selzer (Hep C, Interferon, Pegasys Side Effects Reported to Roche Genentech)

Posted: January 25, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
0

So in the interest of conspiracies and full disclosure, I did just formally complain to Roche Diagnostics, or a division of Roche called Genentech via an 1-800 number and case number *ahem 1462, because I was led to do this by an underground advocate of Hep C and Interferon treatments who are still suffering serious side effects from his Hep C treatment, Interferon and Pegasys, just as I am. So if I disappear mysteriously, let the bread crumbs start here! haha… He also forwarded me the side effects document that I posted on the left side of my blog here under Hep C Side Effects, and I’m grateful this guy is doing something, because 3 years out I am still suffering major headaches, daily and wake up every morning with a crushing pain in my skull, and I have to take 4 advil every single morning. At three years out I’m concerned that this is never going to go away, and in fact has been getting worse as of late.

The more concerning factor is that I’m now not alone, but have been hooked up with a group of at least 20 or so who are all experiencing these major side effects from Interferon treatment. It sucks, and mine, headaches, seem to be on the light side of the symptoms. There are people on this underground list with MS, fibromylgia, chronic joint and skin problems, and more. We’ve read doctors quotes talking about how it seems like anyone who uses Interferon is worse off than when they started. And yet I personally am obviously torn as to how to protest or be letigious, simply because I am cured of the disease of Hepatitis C, which now kills more people than HIV in the United States. So, I’m cured, but I suffer chronic pain. I wasn’t in dire need of Interferon treatment, I could have waited 20 years, but of course as Dr. Hutchinson told me, the young do better than the old, so I guess it does make sense to take the meds sooner rather than later. Especially in my case when you had the tougher version of the disease, which takes 12 months of Interferon and Ribavirin treatment, not just 6 months, and which of course is only cured 50% of the time, compared to some of the less aggressive strains of the virus which are closer to 70%. But had I known about these side effects and the advent of Telepravir which is supposedly right around the corner and lightens the load of the interferon and ribavirin one has to take, I may have waited.

I am very grateful to be free and clear of the virus of Hep C though, and what’s more, Roche actually paid for my entire one year prescription, which would have been 3k x 12, or 36k I sure as hell did not have. Still… my motivation is drained constantly. Fatigue is always with me, no matter how much I work out or don’t work out, and my memory, both short and long term are definitely affected. The irony is that the brain fog I have is so closely associated to a hangover I may as well have kept drinking. I often wonder if I did some cocaine or amphetamines like I used to (which is of course why I got Hep C in the first place) if it would reconnect all those neural synapses or whatever the hell. Who knows. I know a girl who went back out and used Adderall for a while, and she seemed sharp for a little while, but as fate would have it, she just last week got another DUI so there goes that one million and fifty fifth excuse to relapse, drink and take drugs… foiled again! haha….

Anyway, so yeah, I reported my side effects to Roche, though  I doubt anything will ever come of it, and to be honest, I am grateful the virus is gone. I mean I feel better than when I was on Interferon for sure, but what I wouldn’t give to feel sober, healthy and as lively as I was prior to the treatment. I mean it really was night and day, and I wish there had been an easier method of getting rid of the virus.

I wish someone would do an actual scientific study on Ozone, and Anthony Kiedis and Steven Tyler would both come clean about how and why they both choose to treat it differently.

I wish the tests would show that something was different with me, but all my tests come back saying I’m perfectly healthy, and yet hear I am, every single day, brain fog, tired, waking up with a headache and taking more than 8 advil a day. One day science will have something to definitely indicate the differences in patients pre and post interferon but apparently for now, the benefits, or being cured of Hep C, most certainly outweigh the consequences, or dying of hep c, and of course, not having any measurable side effects. Who can blame dr’s for thinking it doesn’t cause differences if here I am feeling like shit all the time, but completely incapable of proving it to anyone.

Oh the quote, haha, that refers to the Hep C, Liver Biopsy or sword inserted into your side, no fun at all, and though considered minor, very majorly painful. Read my book Hippopotamus Sea: My Viral Sobriety to hear my entire Hep C, Interferon, recovery journey through alcoholism, drug addiction, and of course Hepatitis C, and I give it away 100% free on http://www.books4free.com , it aint no scam, just a site that allows you to read my life story for free, and it’s also available for sale on Amazon and Smashwords for very cheap in hard back, and digital on smashwords.

-JB Smith

Atlanta Snowpocalypse – The Stress Simmers – Aint no Sunshine When She’s Gone… just blizzards.

Posted: January 14, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
0

Man oh man… me and my roommate stuck in an apartment at each others throats for 4 days in this Snowpocalypse finally took its toll yesterday when we ended up just straight screaming at each other at the top of our lungs.

So I started the day having to look for a new apartment. Last Saturday it was the woman I told off, now the room mate. I’m doing a fine job of letting my ego paint me into a corner lately. Can’t deal with her on her terms, so I say fuck everything and run (fear) can’t deal with my room mate on his terms, so I do the exact same thing. Fuck Everything and Run. Fucking FEAR.

The day actually started off pretty damn good and I closed a deal. My 5th for the month, I’m selling a text marketing solution to fast casual dining places, and there are residual incomes, so each little deal makes a difference. My goal is to sell 10 a month, and even with the ice storm, I’ve hit my quota for the half month, which aint bad considering the snowpocalypse, breaking it off with her, and now of course the room mate. So at least there is some light in the storm I guess…

But things went downhill from there. I go to the post office to put the check in the mail, because the client didn’t bring his credit card to the closing. Sooo, the post office tells me nothing is moving, no trucks have been there all week, and they have no idea when the trucks will begin rolling again. Before I went into the post office, I brought my leatherbound folder into the Jersey Mikes to try and sell to them but the owner was gone. After leaving the post office, I go out to my car, and I go to open the driver door, and I guess I pulled so hard I ripped my feet out from under me, sliding , really busting my ass, as my leather bound folder flies up into the air, scattering flyers with my biz cards everywhere, all over the parking lot, like a birds feathers in a cartoon after being nailed by a baseball. I cussed up a storm too, “Mutherfucker!!!!” as I’m getting up I see a mom pushing her stroller, all sympathy gone, disgusted at my vile mouth. I humbly walked around the parking lot picking up my flyers, which took a few minutes.

Driving out of the post office, flustered, bleeding, I blow past grandmas and soccer moms driving five miles an hour to haul ass over to Fed Ex so I can get the check to the CEO of my company. I pull in there, drive up to the parking spot, which is closed off on one side by a brick wall and when i go to hit the brakes, they just act like they don’t exist and i fucking nail the brick wall going 10 miles an hour. “FUCK”! I get out and an old lady is staring at me like I’m a moron…either from the cussing or the hitting the wall. I don’t know and I don’t care at this point.

Fed Ex tells me it’s 30 bucks and they can’t guruantee overnight… great, I fill out the form and send it off, bleeding all over the packing slip. I go apartment hunting… they suck, they are ghetto fabulous, and they require good credit and a deposit otherwise. Fuck… I go to pay my ex child support. I go inside to sit down for lunch while I wait for her, and the waiter, who I used to know, over 5 years ago when i drank in the joint at Chaplains, asks me what I want, I say a water, and go to pee. When I return there is a cold frosty beer on my table, a shot of jaigermeister, and the waiter, smiling like the devil. “Man that looks good buddy, but I haven’t had a drink in 4 years, and I asked for a water.” My bad he says. The reuben I ordered wouldn’t have passed quality control at my sons middle school cafeteria… I ate it anyway, and of course it gave me a stomach ache.

I drove down to Little Five to look at apartments where you don’t need credit, away from her, away from my meetings, away from my life, but fuck it, what choices do I have. 75/85 is bumper to bumper traffic. I circumvent it by going all back roads through Atlanta, past peidmont, monroe, blvd, to Freedom, I know my way around. The apartment, where I used to be a dope feign in little five, is still of course, the dump I remembered. Cool location, unique building, but an OCD nightmare, beyond description, lots of paint covering up problems, uneven floors, a kitchen to inspire fasting, I mean it’s not ideal. So I left bummed.

Went to see my client in Atlantic Station whom bought my first order last week, and guess what? She wasn’t there. Bought a coffee drink, but surprise, my check card was declined. Try this one. Also declined. Had to go out to car, did I mention this was my first client, oh yeah, I’m stylin, pray I have enough change scrounged up, which thankfully I did, and finally leave, embaressed and humbled. Get on 400 northbound and there is a wreck. 1 hour later, I make it home.

Man, that’s a shit day, hell I’m afraid to leave the house now. I did close the deal though, and once again, I wasn’t even tempted to drink when it was put right in front of me. That’s God, not me. Still, though I walked through the day successfully, it was stressful the entire way through. And I miss her terribly, but I guess I did that to myself.

Seriously, there just aint no sunshine when she’s gone.

-JB Smith

Protected: On again off again AA Dating -Mike Ness, Mike Ness, Social D, Social D, damnit!

Posted: January 10, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

This content is password-protected. To view it, please enter the password below.

Older Entries
Newer Entries