First of all internet, come on, Garth Brooks didn’t write that shit, he’s a fucking thief. I know for a fact he stole Beer Run from Todd Snyder, that aint enough, the internet’s gotta give him credit for this gem too. I only know that nugget of information because my brother is a singer/songwriter in Chattanooga, Tennessee, and I have heard Todd Snyder’s version and Brooks version and Snyder’s is better. Man, it really is an unfair world. Of course if life were fair I’d be dead buried and in hell for damn sure. And damned for sure. No life isn’t fair…Thank God.
No, so after agonizing for weeks over the decision to join the Army or not, romantic notion or not, I finally gather up all my paperwork, medical records, criminal background and all and went in to sign on the dotted line. Only to find out that as of a few months ago the have raised the medical bar, to not accept people with a) metal in their major joints, ie ankle and b) hep c antibodies, cured status and all. 1 year ago I was eligible, but with the economy in shambles and enough people signing up, they decided to raise the bar. So there’s several weeks of pointless debate for no fucking reason what so ever. Well shit, I guess God has different plans. Which brings up an even bigger issue. I still have no idea what God’s will is for me. I pray about things and the answers I hear, like join the army, or date a newcomer, are obviously still the fucking answers I want to hear, and not the actual answers God has intended for me. But hell I guess I ultimately do end up with God’s answer, as things inevitably blow up in my face, and the saving grace is that I haven’t committed to, signed up for a war zone, or knocked up someone I thought I loved who didn’t love me only to have to pay child support for the next 20 years again. I guess this is progress. Not forcing it, but letting it go when it isn’t working out, even though I wanted for it to be God’s will. Well, you can’t manipulate the Army, though don’t think I didn’t think it through. Hell the Israeli Army is probably looking for folks, lol, and yes I visited their website upon hearing the bad news, haha. Nothing like forcing it for us ole alcoholics huh.
Aww well, guess it’s not meant to be. On so many levels. At least I tried. I gave it my absolute 100% all. I put all my fear and bullshit worries behind me and I went and made my intentions known, and they said, thanks but no thanks. I won’t have to live with regret wondering if I could have done something more, tried a different way, called one more time, written a note, it just doesn’t matter. They do not want me, there is nothing I can do about it, it just aint God’s will. Wish everything in life was so clear cut and dry as the Army.
So bigger and better things, what’s next for ole JB, well I suppose my fundamental talents in the recruiting world aren’t entirely useless, guess I’ll start that company back up again, perhaps even write a new book. Been thinking about a Sci-Fi series quite honestly. The challenge with the books4free.com format for an autobiography is that it really lends itself more so to that of a series, instead of a one time hit, flash in the pan. Also if I can model the books4free.com site to exchange facebook likes, with a simply pop up screen before you get to the registering page, as well as a pop screen to the facebook like, linkedin, twitter etc, in effect trading social media presence for the free manuscript, in addition to the email addresses I am already collecting, well then, books4free.com is a much more viable tool to the indie author willing to promote his book for free, in exchange for theoretical popularity. Soo yeah, perhaps, being rejected by the Army will focus my career path as never before. Launch the recruiting company, books4free.com with a renewed vigor.
Thank God for unanswered prayers, as it says in “Acceptance is the Answer”, my favorite fucking short story in the back of the big book, this is the one that finally set the hook in me, that third time in DeKalb County crises or the looney bin if you will “Today I find it’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. This proves I don’t know what’s good for me. And if I don’t know what’s good for me, then I don’t know what’s good or bad for you or for anyone. So I’m better off if I don’t give advice, don’t figure I know what’s best, and just accept life on life’s terms, as it is today—especially my own life, as it actually is.” That is Dr. Paul O. 1918 – 2000. If you’ve never read “Acceptance is the Answer” you should. I’m saving it for an entire blog post on its own, he’s incredible.
“This proves I don’t know what’s good for me.” Wow. Yeah, duh. My own fucking brain wanted, desperately, conned lied, cheated and stole from me, to try to keep me drinking and drugging that first year. I can’t trust it. Why would I think I can trust it now. Careers I think would be perfect for me, marching around in 120 degree heat shooting a hot metal rifle, my mind told me would be perfect. The woman of my dreams, if I’m to trust my mind, would probably turn out to be the most cruel vindictive person on Earth. I’d do well to run more and more by my sponsor and less and less by my mind as this last year has really showed me it’s true colors, and how often I can taint it with romantic notions, and emotions, void of facts, clearly wrong.
So I must Accept, that I dodged a bullet. The Army doesn’t want me. So be it. I tried, I gave it my all. No regrets. It happened just like it was supposed to. I didn’t take too long, I thought about it for roughly a month before walking in prepared to sign the papers. I talked about it with my sponsor, I tried my best, it just wasn’t in the cards. Moving on. haha, at least thinking about it for over a year has got me in the best shape of my life, lol.
Jared Bryan Smith
JB Smiths Blog - Author @ books4free.com 