Posts Tagged ‘Jared Bryan Smith’

Post Interferon Syndrome vs Celexa 20 mg – 90 days in… thereabouts…

Posted: April 14, 2012 in Uncategorized
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Lets see, that has to be about right, maybe 60 days because I guess I started taking the Celexa at the end of January and now we are rounding mid april so probably 70 days or so. The great news is that I rarely have the major stop me from functioning headaches anymore, taking the pain level from an easy 8 or 9 to a most days nothing at all and when the headaches do return it is a mild 2 or 3, not the all encompassing pain I experience full well half my days for so many years Post TX. Is it the medicine, or perhaps just the amount of time now finally getting on close to 4 years post TX, I really can’t say but I’m too scared to try and stop taking the medicine. I’m much less manic, much more focused and consistent and I’ve been outperforming at work and doing well. Save a couple of emails from disgruntled cheap shot customers, lol, in one I called my VP of Sales the price Nazi and since he was out I could offer an incredible price and the stupid customer sent it to my boss, the little pain in my ass, I was called in and reprimanded. Since when is Nazi a bad word… Oh well, who cares, life goes on.

The major downside of Celexa I’ve noticed though is that I’m not as driven and or motivated if you will. I’ve written almost nothing, nothing in the blog, books, barely anything in my own personal journal. I do my job well enough, even put in the extra hours for fear of being laid off yet again in this fickle economy, but as far as extra curricular, the gym, the blog, the meetings, I have been barely getting by.. And the meetings. the thing that has literally held me together the last five years, well I will be honest, on Celexa, while I still go, I don’t really feel like I get as much out of the meetings as I used to, don’t feel as compelled to share, and don’t leave with the sense of accomplishment and well being that I used to… now it’s just a blah feeling… but no headaches. Hard to weigh the pros and cons. I mean I’m not going to stop taking Celexa, I simply can’t. But there is a lot to be said about losing the drive to write, work out, or go to meetings and be passionate….

Also peeing. Urinating and orgasms, now take effing forever. Sometimes I’ll have to pee really bad walk in the bathroom and sit there for five minutes just waiting and waiting… weird side effect. In addition my super regularity is gone, as you could have timed the stock market on my morning movement prior to Celexa, and now, who knows, sometimes its a few days, sometimes its daily, which is strange for me.

Are those symptoms things worth the headaches being gone? Hard to say. I guess I’ll keep on keeping on, grateful that I’m cured of Hep C and alcoholism, or daily reprieve or what have you, and just be glad that something, anything was able to treat the headaches at all… for if this thing treats them one way, perhaps Lexapro, or Wellbutrin will treat them another, and I owe it to myself to explore those ways as well. Hope is better than despair I suppose, and headaches for years was starting to get a bit desperate for sure.

I’m grateful I’ve found something, but am definitely open to the possibility that something else may treat them better, and this time at least it will be nice to know I can fall back on the Celexa, should the headaches return. Also I may as well use whats working for a while at least, or hell for economic reasons at least wait until Lexapro has a generic.

– Jared Bryan Smith

Post Interferon Syndrome – Headaches and Celexa (Citalopram)

Posted: March 4, 2012 in Uncategorized
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So I made the move back to civilization from the mountain house, and I’m loving the new apartment and the new job. More than anything, all the fear wrapped up into not being able to perform at the new job is beginning to dissipate as the Post Interferon Syndrome headaches have been so diminished with the new meds. After Interferon I was so shocked to have that brain fog penetrate through and destroy my quality of life for many years after I stopped Interferon. I mean it sucks even worse because the doctors won’t admit it’s happening, blame it on other things, and tell you such idiotic things as, “Just take a multivitamin” or when you tell them about your symptoms kind of look down their nose at you and state “Well, if you say so.” I mean it’s quite remarkable really, how online you can find multiple people suffering from an almost universal diagnosis, and then go to three educated doctors in a metropolis like Atlanta, and have your General Doctor, your Gastroenterologist and your Neurologist, all basically say Interferon has no lasting side effects, so this must be an anomaly or just in your head, or even that you’re being a hypochondriac to the point you almost question it yourself. But I wrote about it, I journalled and I was even able to stop working for a while, move out of the city and see if it was allergies, pollution or something I hadn’t thought of, and the headaches persisted. I was still, 3.5 years later suffering from brain fog type headaches at least 66% of the time, which made selling, or making cold calls very tough if not impossible. So in 2012, facing a new job, a highly micro managed job, I was really scared I wouldn’t be able to perform because of the headaches. Two or three weeks into it, I was still suffering 2-3 days during the week, so almost out of hope, I decided to take a scientific practical objective look at what meds might possibly do for me. This is despite my being a member of Alcoholics Anonymous and opposed to being on any mood altering substances. I had tried anti depressant while I was beginning Interferon and I had been so early in sobriety, I felt like it made me more squirrely and even so uncomfortable that it made me think of drinking more often, and trust me at one year sobriety, I wasn’t in a position to be flirting with that possibility. Especially as I was just starting my battle against Hep C, the disease which attacks the very organ my liver uses to process alcohol. So my attempt at mood altering substances, or anti depressants had gone so bad I just was afraid they would make me want to drink again, but at 5 years sober, the headaches practically making me an invalid, I finally decided, hell or high water, I would give several different substances, 90 days or so, give them a fair shake and see how much better or worse I felt, just so longed as I didn’t drink or drug, it was worth the experiment. I’m glad I did.

It’s mind boggling how well Celexa works in combating my constant headaches. I mean it just doesn’t make sense it’s so effective. The first week or two was weird as I was adjusting but after I got over the hump, I mean to tell you the brain fog headaches I would rate as an 8 or so, fell down to around a 2, and the frequency of around 66% of the time or 2/3rds of the time walking around trying to function in pain has been reduced to around 1/10th of the time. They also gave me Prodrin to combat the migraines, the other kind of headache that actually significantly went away when I quit smoking 2 years ago, and it’s basically caffeine and a ton of Tylenol, but that too does the trick on that particular kind of headache. I am just so grateful I held out and waited, and found something that finally worked. I will give this another 90 days or so, or maybe even after that explore other ones to see which one I function the most highly on, but this is like a minor miracle to me, because I was suffering for so long, in so much frustration and pain, and I thought it would never end. I still don’t understand it. Could it be I was so depressed, or so chemically imbalanced it actually caused physical pain to my brain. I mean that looks like the case but seems far fetched and unlikely, however, I am not a chemist, a doctor or even educated about such things. All I know is it killed my headaches, made my life functional again and I am grateful.

I was written too by someone recently stated they had to go back on oxys because of their post interferon pain, and let me tell you man, I can relate. I was an opiate addict for a long time, and I write about that part of my life significantly in my book Hippopotamus Sea, however, I am not going back to that shit, ever again. Not saying I haven’t been tempted over the last 3.5 years though, I thought about it at least once a week for sure. It just isn’t an option for me anymore, I’d sooner eat a bullet. Just like any drug, I need more and more, for less and less effect, and it’s what caused all this bullshit to begin with. I’m not ever going back to that, and if you’re suffering I beg of you to quit the opiates and try Celexa, for some reason it really helped me with my post interferon symptoms. Opiates and drinking, relapse in general is not a viable option, period the end. Other than catastrophic surgery and taking the meds with sponsor supervision, we with the disease of addiction can not flirt with pain meds or drugs effectively, and even with the Celexa, I was in constant contact with my sponsor and letting him know exactly what I was trying, and he was aware of every decision I was making. Accountability is key in sobriety, and no matter the pain, there is no excuse to going back to opiates, drinking or any kind of narcotic. With us to use or drink is to die.

That being said, I do still feel a bit anxious from time to time on Celexa which makes me want to try Lexapro because I hear that it has an anti anxiety portion, and now my mind is much more open about the capabilities of these meds, whereas before I thought it was a block to your higher power, and the sunlight of the spirit, now I’m glad my headaches are gone regardless. Actually the Doctor had suggested Lexapro, but they didn’t have it in generic, and therefore the insurance company changed my prescription, or rather made me call and get the Doctor to change the prescription, which in itself is news worthy. Who the fuck gives the insurance company of none doctors the ability and power to change my medications, solely based on cost. I mean, it’s really an outrage. They say Lexapro will have a generic within the year though, so I’ll just continue on Celexa, record the symptoms, and then compare once I switch over later on.

I am still glad I found a baseline before using them, but I mean, Post Interferon, meetings and step work just wasn’t killing the headaches like it killed the urge to drink early on for me. Everything happens for a reason I suppose.

– Jared Bryan Smith

Fear of death increases in exact proportion to increase in wealth. – Ernest Hemingway

Posted: September 14, 2011 in Uncategorized
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Well I suppose this Hemingway quote at least explains why I don’t fear dying in Afghanistan. I’ve been broke too long to fear death, haha. Nah, I still fear death, in fact years ago, and this is chronicled in my book Hippopotamus Sea, I did something like 5 hits of acid, a couple of months after doing 50 and being put under house arrest and beaten up pretty severely by Atlanta finest, ironically, about a block away from 8111. I digress… as soon as I was off house arrest, released into the wild if you will, we went to Rishi Nagranis and we all ate some LSD, and I ate about 5 hits as I recall. It is one of the only times I can remember having almost shamanic like visions. I felt like I saw the universe expanding and condensing on itself, my life after death, being a part of the molecules in the earth, and then in a tree and then eventually released free into the air, and I even thought I saw my own death. As fate would have it, it was by AK-47 in Afghanistan, and this was long before 9/11 or we were even at war with the Taliban. I’m sure it was just a collection of memories from a book or something I’d read, surely I’m not prophetic or anything at all, but damn if I can’t shake the idea of still joining up, even though I’d thought I’d decided against it.

I should just go turn in the paper work go spend the day at the medical office and see if it’s even an option. More than likely they will just say you’re too damn old, we don’t take Hep C cured or not, thanks for playing, btw we found an old fine you still haven’t paid the city of Atlanta from way back when in your drinking and drugging days. But at least then I’ll know that it’s no longer an option, that I tried, and that the romantic notion of adventure, combat, and stories galore is just a figment of my imagination and I can refocus on the work at hand, building a successful recruiting career here in Atlanta. And of course growing the Indie Publishing house books4free.com from more than just one book. I’d originally started hoping to include a bunch of recovery related books, but now I think my next project will be sci fi. Anywayz, finding out will at least galvanize my next decision.

“The shortest answer is doing the thing.”

– Ernest Hemingway

Another gem, so fuck it, lets go see if it’s even an option.

-Jared Bryan Smith

Book Review – The Mindful Addict: A Memoir of the Awakening of a Spirit by Tom Catton

Posted: July 9, 2011 in Uncategorized
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In 2004, after my mom had passed away and I was detoxing from all opiates, I read the book “A Million Little Pieces” by James Frey. What a colossal piece of shit. What a shame for the publishing industry, that they not only published such garbage, but then, after being called out and discovered to be untruthful, simply slap a few sentences in the beginning of the book, stating something to the effect “A million little pieces is a collection of James Frey’s personal and fictional experiences, blah blah,” instead of having the decency and integrity to take the lying trash they’d already made millions on down, apologize profusely, and walk away with at least an ounce of respect. But they didn’t do that. They continue, to this day to publish this collection of exaggerated, self glorifying, egotistical, atheist view of recovery, in which honesty is not mentioned one time in the entire book, let alone the word humility. I was coming down off a year of opiates, hellish withdrawals, and trying to read that book for hope, and only finding that I couldn’t relate to it at all. Because it was lies. Tom Catton’s book rings true from the very beginning, through out the entire book. Maybe James Frey’s book wouldn’t have bothered me so much, if HONESTY weren’t the VERY FIRST principle of the VERY FIRST step, but it is. Also, I was so blessed to have people in my life who had multiple years of recovery, and the thing that rang true for all those people, as does while reading Tom Catton’s book, is they were ALL very very humble, grateful to be alive, and thus their stories sounded honest to me. Shame on the publishing industry for falling for such easily spotted vanity writing. So it is with a skeptical eye and wary mind that I read any book or memoir on recovery, and this one, I could tell from beginning to end was one of the most humble honest stories of sobriety, life and spirituality in general that I’ve ever read.

For me too, personally, the book held a lot of meaning in synchronicity. His sobriety date was a day or two off my birthday, I haven’t traveled to a ton of places, but the north shore of Oahu is one place I spent about two weeks when I was married, so I recognized a lot of the setting, or I thought I did at least. I was enthralled the entire ride through. Walking in faith, truly LIVING IN THE MOMENT, this book encapsulates the way, my Higher Power, Jesus Christ, asked us to really live, and there in lies another sweet irony, Tom writes as a Buddhist, haha, and yet, written eloquently, spiritual truths, NEVER contradict other spiritual truths, and though when I began reading I had a preconceived notion I might not jive with everything he’d written, I never once found myself offended, or even skeptical or in disbelief. If anything, I only coveted some of those spiritual experiences he writes about that bring tears of joys to his eyes, hoping that I may one day be as blessed as to reach those states in simple meditation. I do believe it’s possible, I just have never been there before. But there again, he’s 30+ years sober and I’m only 4 years or so. He is truly a sage spiritual guide and anybody, Christian, Buddhist or whatever flavor ice cream you prefer can benefit from the mindful pages in this book.

It really was just a very well written, humble, honest story of recovery, and I recommend everyone pick up a copy. We are blessed to have Tom as an outlet for the Universe’s energy, and I’m truly a better man for having read the book, keeping an open mind, and reading through his wisdom when it comes to our 12 steps, and especially his emphasis on the 11th step. This is something I need to put more work into and it’s funny, because almost every meeting I went to this week talked about the 11th step and then the book I’m reading takes me to his summary of the 12 steps and his writing on it, being mindful, and being in the NOW, was really like God smacking me across the face with the Captain Obvious backhand. As always I hear what I need to hear when I really listen.

If you haven’t already, look up Tom Catton on facebook and go get and read his book, for any level of recovery, it is worth the read.

-Jared Bryan Smith

“You told me goodbye, How was I to know, You didn’t mean goodbye, You meant please don’t let me go.” – Robert Hunter (Grateful Dead)

Posted: June 24, 2011 in Uncategorized
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Woke up thinking about work again, it’s been an amazing few months with our software going into almost every major nightclub and dozens of great restaurants throughout Atlanta, and I’ve hired three sales folks, and I’m just amped still. We release on iphone very soon, and the anticipation to see how everything all works is palpable.

Staying busy has kept me emotionally stronger than I think I would have otherwise been with all the damn goodbyes this year. Starting with the one at the beginning of the  year that still stings most prominently no matter how much i wish it didn’t, it’s like my professional life had to make a trade with my personal life or something.

I still feel good sobriety wise though. Had an ear infection in the beginning of the week and my hearing is only about 50% of what it usually is, but it finally seems like its getting better. That’s always scary in sobriety, in our heads its never just an ear infection, I was positive I was going deaf. But 100 bucks for a drs appt and some antibiotics and it seems to be going back to normal.

Visited my sister for her birthday and got to hold the new baby, and she is gorgeous. They are so happy with their perfect little family. I remember those days, when my now 15 year old son was first born, every breath is magic, and they smell so good. My son still smells sweet to me. My cousin has two kids as well and me and the older one, who is 3, played angry birds and ant smashers on my phone until he killed the battery. There was a hyper dog running around as well. How is it the people who already have 2 kids, working on three, also have a hyper dog running around, and just don’t even seem annoyed by any of it? I guess when you’re happy those things don’t irritate you, and they are all very happy in their new families.

I guess I’m just lonely, but hey thats the brakes, nobody ever promised me anything in sobriety except for work, and a daily reprieve. I didn’t wake up with an obsession to drink and drug and somedays that is all the victory you’re going to get.

Still no word on the addicted project interview but I’m definitely looking forward to seeing that in print.

Tomorrow evening, 8 pm, telling my story at the 8111 clubhouse for those in the know! Hope to see you there!

– Jared Bryan Smith

Featured Author : The Addicted Project – Jared Bryan Smith

Posted: May 27, 2011 in Uncategorized
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Wow, what an honor, to be asked to do anything at all special regarding the book, but to be asked to be a featured author for a recovery based website, I mean, that’s damn near moving.

I’ve made a lot of mistakes in recovery, I’ve not always been the kindest, most humble human being on Earth, but one thing I think I have done is stayed honest, and stayed true to the retelling of my unique story and the tragedy as well as triumph I’ve been through, from losing both parents, to stealing from my dying mother, to losing my mind and ultimately almost my life to Hep C. I was honest in the story, in the book Hippopotamus Sea, and though it doesn’t always paint a proud picture it paints an honest one of what that experience was like. To be asked by Joshua Robbins to be a featured author is more than an honor, it makes it all worth while.

Every review, every pat on the back, every small purchase of 99 cents from smashwords all make me feel like it was worth something. That spending three years writing it and shoveling through all that emotion, and the even more painful sharing of that emotion and allowing others to see all that vulnerability, is something that not a day goes by and I don’t at least ponder the good sense of, but ultimately, as time ticks on and I get letters and emails from other Hep C and Interferon sufferers, I am glad I was guided by my higher power to write, finish and bare my soul to the world. It was worth every drop of tears, sweat and blood, when a fellow artist reaches out to you and says “hey man, I like your work and I’d like to make you our featured author.” It means the world to me and I’m really humbled.

I’m humbled but also thrilled and excited to be a part of the project, and glad, able and willing to contribute on the project moving forward.

Show some love when you get a chance and check it out on:

http://www.theaddictedproject.com

and when you get a chance please read the book Hippopotamus Sea: My Viral Sobriety from smashwords for 99 cents and please please please, leave a review as Indie publishing lives and dies by grassroots support. Thanks so much!

-Jared Bryan Smith

Hippopotamus Sea’s 1st Professional Review – Five Stars!!

Posted: April 6, 2011 in Uncategorized
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In celebration of the 1st Professional review we’ve allowed the book to be downloaded on smashwords 100% free for a limited time. Smashwords converts the book for  Kindle, Nook, Sony’s reader, the IPAD and more, and Mark Coker is a genius as I’ve blogged about before. I allow Mark’s Smashwords.com site to handle all the digital distribution of the book because it’s simply the cleanest  most effective distributor of ebooks on Earth. Check out the book for free there, I’ll probably keep it free for a few weeks, down from $3.95.

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/19066

It’s funny, when I was out there drinking, I was never insecure, shy or passive in any way shape or form, I was quite the opposite, loud, boastful and assertive in almost all aspects of my life. And running the show ended me up absolutely psychotic, so today things are different, I try and follow God’s will.

From a publishing standpoint though, if you’re not blowing your own horn, nobody else is gonna, especially as an Indie writer, but despite being slow, and shy, having sent out the book to only one professional book reviewer, instead of what is suggested by all the blogs and other vanity publishers, sending them to dozens, I couldn’t have handled bad reviews from that many folks. So I just sent to one, Bobbie Crawford McCoy in Canada, Founder of Nurture Your Books. You can find her review on my Amazon page, Smashwords on the front page of my blog, or directly:

http://nurtureyourbooks.com/website/index.php/blog/book-review24/

I was so relieved to finally read it. It’s a good review. That’s all I could ask for, and more importantly to me, she noted the fact that it was honest, and that the motive really is to help other people who may be going through the same struggle.

So now that I’ve gotten a good professional review, I feel much more comfortable sending out the book to multiple book reviewers as was suggested, I just really didn’t have the confidence to spend the time money and energy on that adventure without at least knowing I had one good professional review under my belt.

Thanks Bobbie Crawford McCoy, I can move confidently in the direction of my dreams for a while.

“There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.”
— Oscar Wilde

-Jared Bryan Smith

 

Living Sober – Exercise, Insomnia, AA, Dr. Amen and Chemical Imbalances (SPECT Scans)

Posted: March 14, 2011 in Uncategorized
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In 2008 I had just finished over a year of grueling, miserable Interferon Treatment which cured my Hep C, but which was hell. Even after quitting the Interferon I continued to suffer extreme headaches and it felt like some days I was better off while on Interferon. All you can do at that point though is just power through and hope for the best. For me that meant praying the treatment would be successful and it hadn’t all been in vain. For me, it was worth it, I was cured of Hep C, but for far too many, or roughly 50% of the people who do the year-long Interferon treatment, they don’t get cured and still must suffer all the long-term horrific side effects that the scientific, or maybe just the pharmaceutical community downplay so effectively here in the states. I’m lucky because at least my constant headaches, aches and pains mean I am at least cured of Hepatitis C. But in that first month when I wasn’t quite sure yet, since they must let you be off the Interferon for six months before they will pronounce you “cured”, I just had to wait, suffer and wonder. During that time I saw a PBS show that covered the science of the brain.

Dr. Daniel Amen as it turns out was using a new technique to study the brain, and I found it absolutely fascinating, primarily because I was facing so many changes in my own mind, having suffered from the disease of addiction and alcoholism, literally losing my mind, and then in 2008 at roughly 1.5 years sober, recovering from a year-long assault on my mind in the form of Interferon, in the name of curing Hep C. Some of the things his scans showed, called SPECT Scans, were freaking amazing. Mainly that the alcoholic brain in the SPECT scans looked empty and riddled with holes for roughly 12 months after the alcoholic quit drinking! That it took over a year for the alcoholic mind to get back to normal blew my mind, but it made perfect sense. Also he had data showing clearly worse recovery rates of the brain of people who used harder drugs like methamphetamine’s, Cocaine and LSD (lucky me). To me, this looked like conclusive evidence, and the only data I’d ever really seen portrayed as efficiently. Having gotten sober myself, and thinking, hell after 30 days, or 90 days I should be just fine, be right back to normal, and that obviously not happening, I was very glad to see hard data showing that it took longer than I had expected to return to a state of normalcy, and furthermore he had done even more research into the mind, and even delved into looking at the Pharmaceutical Industry’s cure alls, anti depressants, ADHD medication, and even anti anxiety medication. This guy had really done his research with thousands of patients, and the data he shared on the PBS special I was watching was mind-blowing. For one thing I fully expected him to endorse all the meds out there thrown to the American populus but in fact his data refuted it.

I don’t have the charts or the graphs he used in front of me, but let me just give you the gist, and if you’re in a similar situation as I was back then, at least do yourself the favor of researching Dr. Amen’s data yourself, as I include a link at the bottom of this blog.

As I was recovering from a year long fight with Interferon, depression, and roughly 20 years of addiction and suffering from terrible bouts of sadness and more acutely headaches, getting on antidepressants or medications was a serious consideration. The only thing holding me back from it was the experience I’d had with it just before I began Inteferon which was that when I began taking Wellbutrin my cravings to drink and drug went through the roof. As my sponsor told me it was disconnecting me from the spirit, just like a drink or a drug would do. But still I was suffering so I was still considering trying the softer easier way of medications again, especially now that I had over a year sober. I wasn’t making the decision lightly though, and watching this special ultimately made me try exercise instead. As I remember the presentation, what he basically said was that, yes, you could get temporary results against depression and ADHD from medicines but the chart basically showed that like with any drug, to continue experiencing the favored results you would need to continue increasing your dosage, and also you would experience side effects that came along with the drugs, and as you increased your dosage, you would increase you side effects. One of the major side effects being sexual. Well, sorry folks, but fuck that. I like my sexual prowess to remain unaffected, haha. That basically sealed the deal for me but he continued, showing the same chart of moods, but instead of countering them with medicines and pharmaceuticals, countering them with an exercise regimen, that also increased along as your body became more and more capable of handling the work out. The data was spellbinding to me. Basically, the mood stabilizations were equal if not greater than that of the same patients using medicines, except that sexual side effects weren’t experienced, in fact quite the opposite, sex became more enjoyable in my case once I got in shape, and also exercise is free, as well as you didn’t have the other side effects of dry mouth, nausea, etc. and more importantly, you weren’t becoming dependent on chemicals. The effects of exercise long-term, were more effective at creating the natural chemicals in your mind that ultimately make you feel better.

And to back it all up he shared brain scans of different patients using the two different methods, of exercise vs chemical dependency, because that’s what anti depressants become, even if they are prescribed by Doctors, and low and behold the patients with just exercise mind’s were much better in those scans a year later than those who were relying on pharmaceuticals. And yet people still choose the softer easier way and come into the rooms of AA overloaded with prescriptions and anti anxiety medicines, and ultimately, if they make it and that’s a big if, they’ve just switched dependencies.

I’m not a Dr. and AA doesn’t have an opinion on medications, but the data Dr. Amen showed was clear and I’m glad I saw it. Please check out the scans at the link below and I’ll also add his blog to my blogroll as it is fascinating information. And yes I am fully aware of his critics and those that discredit those SPECT scans, but the arguments seem to me much like telling Columbus the world was flat. People on the forefront of technology are constantly getting attacked, and also, for someone so blatantly talking about the ineffectiveness of the pharmaceutical industries cure alls that are over prescribed wish lists of symptom treaters, I would expect nothing less than a full on counter attack. Fuck em the data makes sense to me because I lived it.

Based on his data and the show’s I’ve since incorporated exercise into my program of recovery, and it makes a HUGE difference. If I don’t work out even just for a couple of days, I become prone to depression, and thoughts, although they pass quickly, of the chronic “Fuck It’s” we in recover are prone to. Nothing like the obsession of early recovery mind you, as I am free of that obsession, thank God, but still, if I don’t work out, I definitely can feel a difference. And again, my experience with meds was that they made me feel less connected, where as working out, I experience endorphin rushes, runners high, and after wards often feel as good as having just had sex… well maybe not that good, but closer than I ever have with the meds I’ve flirted with in recovery. Bottom line, though our literature only mentions exercise in one book, “Living Sober” it sure as hell has made a huge difference in my recovery, and I wish we had more studies regarding it’s long term positive effects, versus that of prescribed medications because though Dr. Amen’s data was conclusive to me, there is still a lot of debate out there, and I’d love to see the issue settled, with hard conclusive facts.

I would really also love for Dr. Amen to do a specific study of the brain effects, before and afterwards of both Chemo and interferon patients, and maybe he has and I just haven’t seen it. Because the scientific community claims it doesn’t affect the brain but I’m here to tell you there are long term ramifications to interferon, I can no longer do math in my head, remember names as well, and more and though they may not be able to prove it through blood work, I wonder if Dr. Amen’s scans show a difference.

Oh the other thing I definitely wanted to mention, and if you’ve ever spent ANY amount of time in the rooms of AA or NA this is something you constantly hear, “but I’m an insomniac, or I have trouble sleeping.” Exercise is the BEST way on Earth to counter insomnia. Nobody, and I mean nobody on Earth goes through boot camp, and can’t fall asleep at night! Yesterday I ran 13 miles in two hours, and guess what, I slept like a baby. If you have trouble sleeping, before you go get nyquil, or good forbid prescription meds to go to sleep, incorporate exercise. Those chemicals are mood changers and I’ve taken them and know for a fact they change the way you feel that night, but also for the day or two following, and we are too sensitive to be flirting with that kind of disaster. If you have bad knees and can’t run, join a gym and swim. The human body spent hundreds of thousands of years wallking, running and exercising on a daily basis and evolution hasn’t caught up to the fact that we no longer use our bodies for survival and therefore all of us generally have pent up energy at the end of our days. Add to that scientific fact, the fact that we made ourselves pass out to go to sleep for years on end, and OF COURSE YOU HAVE TROUBLE GOING TO SLEEP, we all did early on, and I’m here to tell you, simply add exercise daily to your life, and you will find you no longer have a problem sleeping. Even if you just start out by walking a mile or two a day, start some where, this is scientific fact… and if you’re around me, and don’t work out, don’t whine about not being able to sleep. It’s simple cause and effect. And it’s really simple, as Nike says: Just do it!

http://www.amenclinics.com/brain-science/spect-image-gallery/

– Jared Bryan Smith

My mom would be appalled, but Books4free.com has the #1 Book on Amazon for Hep C

Posted: December 17, 2010 in Uncategorized
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Seriously, if there was any room in that coffin I’m sure she’d be turning in it. We were very much strategically brought up in the southern manor of giving off the appearance of normalcy, even if child abuse, domestic violence, and alcoholism was the prevailing wind inside the house, you’d better had a good cover story when you left the home front. Today, I am an open book, and proud of it. But boy would mama be upset that I’d made it to the top of the list of all Hep C book listed on Amazon. What a dreadful shame. I can literally hear her southern drawl “But JB why would you want people to know that about you.” Haha, because mom, I’m cured of it, and hopefully somebody somewhere will find solace and comfort in that fact. She would have had a hard time arguing that, as she was a good and decent christian woman, just a little preoccupied with social status and the appearance of the status quo. Ultimately the conversation would have ended with “Well, at least you had the good sense to use a pen name.”  haha….

That wasn’t my good sense, I would have much rather written it under my actual name, but through years of trial and error in following my own counsel I decided to allow my sponsor and attorney have their way with that one. The 11th tradition states of course that we must be anonymous in press, radio and films, and therefore I am, regardless of how many Glenn Blecks and the like out there aren’t. It’s difficult though, promoting a book under a pen name.

That being said, we are still well under the 100 books sold goal. Hovering around 50. I had hoped the funny ass cartoons about AA relationships would make people curious about the book but that too hasn’t generated too many book sales. Oh well, I am pretty happy with the new ranking under Hepatitis.

Thanks again for all the grassroots support people, making the number one slot on the Hepatitis C list on Amazon is a big deal even if it’s only taken 50 books to get there! Hope we stay at the top of the list for a while!

Thanks again and I hope everyone enjoys their Christmas!

-Jared Bryan Smith

Books4free.com – Hepatitis C, Alcoholism, Addiction Memoirs, LSD, The Grateful Dead, Amsterdam and Juvenile

Posted: October 15, 2010 in Uncategorized
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So the momentum is beginning to slow down as the facebook crowd who were awaiting books, are now reading rather than ordering I suppose. At the peak the book was in the Top 100 Alcohol and Recovery books, ranking at #67, but unfortunately I don’t know how many books that is in that given hour. On the overall ranking it’s maxed out at 32,000, which isn’t bad considering there are millions of books on Amazon, but now that it’s back in the 100-200k range, I’m scared to see where it will be in a week. Moving forward reviews, word of mouth, emails, and networking will be more influential than facebook. Guess I need to start sending to reviewers.

The book chronicles being born into alcoholic family, rebelling, dosing LSD/Acid very young, and raising hell through his teenage years, stealing, running away, wrecking cars you name it, until he finally settles down however briefly to have a son, and play family for a few years, however poorly the execution. After divorce at 22 he picks up where he left off, raising cane again, and really doesn’t even begin to slow down as his mom lies dying of cancer. After she’s gone his drinking takes on new sincerity and the challenge I really took on is towards the end of the book where I do my best to explain madness and insanity, delusions, and paranoid schizophrenia to the normal, “earth” person as we recovered alcoholics refer to the unafflicted. It’s hard to explain the color red though to a blind man, and I wonder if anyone will understand the enormity of my massive, intricate, detailed derangement. All I could do was try and explain how lost I’d gotten, how lost I stayed for so long, and how far I’d come back. It’s not a short journey, but given the number of people, just in our class of 1996, that are now dead to alcoholism, addiction  or something related, it’s a story worth reading, and worth understanding, as the solution, the 12 Steps of AA, can work on really any spiritual malady, but most especially addiction.

If the AA 12 Steps could work on me, who went to the edge of the abyss, looked in and had the abyss stare back in, invade and pay rent for years, it can seriously work on anyone. I really wrote the book I wish I’d read when I went to pick up a Million Little Pieces by James Frey. I wanted some hope, I wanted a story as dark as mine, detailed and honest, and messy with guts and humiliation, and something bigger than myself. When I lived that firsthand, I felt it was worth writing, and though a little long, as I’m beginning to hear back, it’s worth the read. If you think it’s long reading, thank God you didn’t live it!

-Jared Bryan Smith


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