Posts Tagged ‘Recovery Blog’

Well here it is September 27th 2010, well past the two weeks I thought it would take for me to finish the book, and I’ve finally come to terms with the final pdf… books4free has uploaded to Lightning Source, where we’ll be selling the hard copy prints, and since we’ll be marketing from the books4free.com website, to amazon, smashwords, and the like, I suppose we’ll just distribute all digital copies for free, and hope that it sells more hard copy books… We’ll see I suppose…

It’s been a long road, and now I’m just exhausted and hope the book isn’t terrible.

JB Smith

So we have republished on smashwords, and for now have the price set at 9.95, as we’re not trying to push the digital copy just yet, but am just holding steady as we await the publication for hard copy, via Lightning Source. My web designer, slash graphics designer, has the final manuscript, and has to touch every single individual page in order to make the font right for Lightning Source. A  bit of a pain in the ass and another expense I didn’t see coming, in this learning curve I could have never anticipated. I wonder how much I would have saved using an independent publisher, rather than trying to do everything all myself.

Oh well, such is life, and now we wait. Still I love the cover, the final edited book, and hopefully, I’ll sell a few copies, and recoup at least some of the expenses, energy and effort, as we get closer to a launch.

There are much better memoirs, and MUCH MUCH better thorough detailed 12 step based books, but I look at this as an idiots or dummy guide to the 12 steps, if someone as lazy, slow and burnt out as me can do them, defeat alcoholism, drug addiction, Hep C, Interferon, and family crises, than truly anyone can do it.

I also one day hope to change the names to the originals, but would have to go back and get individual signatures for all the as of now anonymous characters. One day, when there is more time, I plan on doing that. Until then, it’s still a good book, chronicling a true story, just with different alias’s. Hope you enjoy.

Jared Bryan Smith

Just put down the Fortune magazine in which I saw that Blurb.com is doing 45 million in revenues already. Good for them, that definitely shows this small publishing market continues to grow and thrive. God willing Books4free.com will enjoy just a bit of that success, as it launches with my first title, Hippopotamus Sea.

The cover is done, the editing is done, and the publisher I understand now awaits the Proof book from LightningSource.com to prove that they are actually capable of printing and shipping an actual hard copy book.

After much research, the decision to use smashwords to distribute all the digital formatting of the book seems to be the wisest. They take the book, and after formatting for Mark Coker’s meatgrinder software, which I had to send off the word document to rid it of all spaces, tabs, and page numbers, we will upload to smashwords, which will then, theoritiacally make it available on ipad, epub, nook, kindle, and the like, which is a good deal for me the writer, the publisher, and hopefully the consumer…

I saw on the smashwords website the ability to give away the book 4 free to soldiers in Afghanistan and Iraq, so in the spirit of books4free.com, we will definitely be participating in that venture.

The journey feels like it’s getting closer to completion, but of course, the marketing and selling of the book will just be the next step. The writing, editing and bringing to market though, is hopefully almost done. Once books4free.com is complete and their is a book for sale, for read for free, and digitally, I’ll be excited… right now I’m just feeling a little overwhlemed by it all.

-JB Smith

 

Do you know the difference between Perfect Bound, Case Laminate, or Dust Jack on Grey cloth, when it comes to books. Well at $80 a change, you had better figure it out. Also, unless you are your own graphics designer, make sure you use the lightning source cover template generator, lest you submit, only to find your specs are way off. And once you figure out what the above definitions mean, rest assured, you’ll have to change that cover. God willing, you have a patient graphic designer, or a ton of patience yourself, because learning all the ways of self publishing is certainly a challenge. Also its good if you go to meetings with your publisher who is using your book to launch his site, otherwise this shit would have been expensive as hell.

Ultimately though, I’m grateful books4free.com is learning the ropes with the book Hippopotamus Sea, as the next book will surely be easier.

I’ve already got a lead on a soldier coming back from war interested in publishing his memoirs. I hope to prove my method works with Hippopotamus Sea, so I can then persuade others to submit books to books4free.com.

Until then we’ll just keep learning the ropes. Almost two years in the making my book still feels a few weeks out, while I await the final changes (hopefully) from the graphics designer… argh… Some days I wish I’d just used Lulu, or Authorhouse, rather than doing all this shit myself…. Hell even Dan Poynter couldn’t have prepared me for all of this hoop jumping.

-JB Smith

My mom died of Cancer in 2004, and 6 years later, I have 3.5 years sober, and owed her an amends. Not the kind one can make in person though, but a living amends. As I was advised, a letter.

For several reasons I document in the book it took me no less than 5 tries to get to her headstone and be able to sit and write for a couple of hours. Having finished the amends, it felt anti-climatic, if not a touch depressed.

Though I cleared the Hep C virus in 2008, and went 6 months without treatment, was then tested, found negative and thus declared Hep C negative, I went and got another test on Friday, just to be sure as I go to publish with the book, in the next few weeks, and it would be nice to say it’s been 2.5 years without the virus, instead of just that six month test. I guess what I’m saying is that I’m nervous about that test, regardless of being pronounced cured 2 years ago, and that visiting my moms grave, after 6 years of absence was more than a little emoti0nally taxing.

Visiting my Dad’s grave, who shot himself with a .357 when I was 11 years old, was usually filled with more anger, and self righteousness, than visiting my moms, which brought up guilt and depression. Oh well. I’m sure I’ll get good news next week from the gastroenterologist, finish typing up the amends, and thus the end of the book, get the cover back from the graphics designer, and launch the site books4free.com finally as I’ve been patiently awaiting the finalized book to launch, and I’ll have accomplished a goal I set in motion over 10 years ago, I never knew would have taken me down this road, facing Hepatitis C, alcoholism, addiction, Alcoholics Anonymous, and living life on life’s terms, but here we are.

Life is an adventure I suppose. The living amends to my mom is good, I believe it ties the book up nicely. I’m glad I did it, but it was damn emotionally taxing, like most of the book. Reminds me of a quote I read about writing years ago.

“Writing is easy; I just open a vein and bleed.”
— Red Smith

Funny I could have sworn that quote included a typewriter. Damn google, it’s probably a misquote, feel free to respond with the original origin, but you get the gist.

– JB Smith

I did it. After almost two years of writing my book about Hep C, and hell, 3.5 years of thinking about the story, I decided to google the competition out there and see who else had written stories involving Hep C, and of course, as the challenges are so parallel, sobriety. I don’t know why I was so reluctant to see what was out there, other than, I just didn’t want to be discouraged by seeing like Hemingway’s surprise Hep C autobiography I’d never known about or something, and I just wanted to knock it out before I looked. Anyway, I found some stuff out there, but nothing that blew  my socks off.

First and foremost, you have Anthony Kiedis’ Scar Tissue, a great book I’ve heard, as he’s the front man for the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and God knows we’ve all heard, Under the Bridge Downtown, and can hear the description of his pain as he shoots heroin for the first time. Surely we can expect him to have had his own Hep C struggles, and of course the sobriety struggles that go along with it. I love one of his quotes I just found because it is exactly what happened to me regarding drugs and alcohol:

“You know I love pot, and I love beer, but I am totally sober, just because it completely stopped working for me.
Anthony Kiedis”

Man, I remember hearing that in an AA meeting before it happened, and thinking, What Bullshit. But whoa, what fear descends upon the madman when it occurs. Of an addict for 15+ years, when that day comes that the drugs and alcohol quit working, you will feel fear, and loneliness that few others ever experience. Your best friend of years disappears instantly, and you can’t imagine life with or without drugs and alcohol. I say this is my book, but it remains one of my favorite quotes: “Most of God’s miracles, first felt like a punch in the gut.” Eventually I would be grateful for that day, but I digress. So Anthony Kiedis had Hep C, wrote an autobiography, and says some pretty good shit about sobriety and Hep C. However, a lot of it was rock star, elite, Pie in the Sky treatment that Joe America simply doesn’t have access too. He says he beat it with a controversial treatment called Ozone gas, which is presumably, painless, miracolous, and just as effective as 48 weeks of hellish painful Interferon Treatment. My only objection here, is that if you ask your Dr., any major Gastroentologist in the United States about Ozone, they will laugh it off, or claim the expense is too high, that it isn’t FDA Approved, or just say that the only thing that is medically recognized to cure Hep C is Interferon…which is by the way, expensive, painful, depressing, and maddening. It’s like saying well, the common man has to take Chemotherapy for Cancer, but I, being a pompous rock star, was able to take nitrus oxide, and laugh away my disease.

“And finally yes, it’s true that Anthony Kiedis has hepatitis C. He contracted it somewhere along in his escapades and it is believed that it was caused by the drugs.  He is combating the infection with ozone administered by flea’s and his personal nurse Sat Hari. Ozone is a “wonderful-smelling” gas that has been used legally in Europe to treat everything from strokes to cancer. Most of this information can be found in his biography “Scar Tissue”.”

A wonderfully smelling gas. Interesting. I wonder how true any of this is? It’s all legal in Europe huh? If this is the case, why does the US not use it. Maybe I don’t know shit, and it’s a huge conspiracy against Americans, but as an American I was given one option, by my medical Dr., to defeat Hepatitis C, and that was Interferon, and though it was painful and hellish it did seem to work. After 6 months the disease was clear from my system, and after 2 years, I’m going in today to get it checked again, and hopefully will receive the same result. Hep C free and clear. I’ll ask my Dr. about Ozone today.

The other book I was able to find out there was written by “Johnny Delirious, Hepatitis C, Cured, who claims, from what I could tell briefly that he beat the disease, which he was diagnosed with in the late stages and given 8 months to live, with only homeopathic means. Ie… vitamins and sunshine, and positive thinking. Quite honestly his site links to so many sites charging for Homeopathic cures, you can’t help but think that this guy is just marketing to a demographic already susceptible to delusions and pie in the sky instant gratification solutions. I wonder how much money he’s made selling this book, and/or linking back to all the homeopathic solutions, that have absolutely no medical validity, and my MD claims are bullshit. Milk thistle? Gimme a break. This Virus will attack and kill your liver, and some dipshit is out there selling books about refusing a liver transplant and beating the disease on his good karma and GNC pills. Gimme a break. No I haven’t read the book, and no I don’t plan on it. I don’t know about Ozone treatments or homeopathic cures to Hep C, just as much as I don’t know how to moderate drinking or drugs. I got into this mess, taking short cuts, shooting for the angles, instant gratifications, and feel better cures, and the only way out of the hole I dug for myself, was the long ardous road of Interferon that an actual MD, speciliazing in the liver, suggested I take and whom laughed off, Ozone, and or Milk Thistle, and the other bullshit he offers on his website…

Also, never take medical advice from a guy whose last name is Delirious. Just saying. Maybe it worked for him, I haven’t , and won’t read the book, but for the average, Hep C infected addict, alcoholic, your options really don’t include Ozone, and or Vitamins and Milk Thistle. Follow your Gastroentologist’s advice and take Interferon. It’s tough, but it works, and these other cure alls are just that in my opinion.

On the other hand if Ozone does actually work, and the medical community has kept it out of the states, for profitability reasons or something that sinister, then Shame on them. Interferon changes you for life. If there were medical data, and access to Ozone, like rock stars apparently have, I would recommend it be the new treatment, but I have to assume, the United States, with the best, most educated Dr’s in the world, have a better reason than profits, to keep Ozone out of the US, and Interferon as the major treatment for this debilitating disease. I don’t know, but it just seems really strange, the only two other books out there, offer these fairy tale, delusional options, that weren’t available to me, or any of the other Hep C patients I’ve met here in the States. I guess, that makes my book original then. Unless of course, you are a rock star, then call Anthony Kiedis, he seems to have access to magical gas that smells great.

Please take a moment to read about my  journey through insanity, addiction, Hep C, Interferon, and AA on http://www.books4free.com and check out the strong reviews on amazon at:

-JB Smith

So, as we get ready to launch books4free.com with my book about surviving interferon treatment, I happen to stumble across a link to a potentially better, and hopefully easier way of defeating Hepatitis C.

http://www.anadyspharma.com/products_in_development/ANA598.html

I guess it’s still in Phase II, and I won’t pretend to know what that means, but it actually is being lead by the Duke Doctor who replied to me while I was going through treatment. His website and comments gave me some hope as I was finishing up the treatments in Spring of 2008.  I also just happened to stumble across another article mentioning a third drug, on top of the ribivirn, interferon treatments, that increases the odds of being cured even more… called telaprevir. Very hopefully, interesting stuff. I went to a Hep C funeral last week, so if they could improve the cure ratios above 50% it would mean a lot to a lot of people.

http://www.wral.com/lifestyles/healthteam/story/7386301/

This definitely tempts me to talk to this Dr. some before releasing the final version of the book, as anything I can add to give hope or information to Hepatitis C sufferers is an asset to the book…. just when you think you’re finished huh…

Oh well, a little more research and work couldn’t hurt the overall success of the book long term, and this is just too exciting of news not to include. Looks like they were preleminary trials but still, worth writing about!

Additionally found this older article:

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/06/090605112257.htm

Worth reading, hopeful stuff!!!!

-JB Smith

After two effing years of working on a book, my dumbass originally estimated would take two weeks to complete, you better believe you occasionally wonder if the thing is worth a damn, or just an inflated ego tauting rambling pile of turds.

But the original reason I began writing it was to hopefully give witness to my story of recovery, of getting sober, finding out I was Hep C positive, and then staying sober, navigating the waters of meetings, weekly interferon shots, ribavirin and the hell the was the 48 week treatment of Interferon. Ultimately I wrote this book for people that may have to go through the same process, as surely I didn’t have a monopoly on contracting Hep C and then getting sober.

Last night as fate, God, or Zeus would have it, a close friend of mine turns out is facing the exact same challenges. With a natural aversion to Alcoholics Anonymous, and little to no hope of beating both addiction and Hepatitis C, I can at least give him my book, allow him to read that it can be done, and not just by some stranger, but my someone he knows, and hopefully walk away with a little bit of purpose, direction, clarity, and the Universe willing, some hope.

Even if the book gets racked against the coals, crucified in reviews, and shat on in the public eye, if it seriously helps one Hep C sufferer get through the hellish year of Interferon Treatment it will have served it’s purpose.

The Henry David Thoreou quote helps as well. To paraphrase, “Write as though you’re writing to far away relatives” and in that you preserve the truth, and allow your writing not to be hampered by what others may think.

I really pray this book reaches out to sufferers of addiction, Hep C, and the families of those suffering both of those fatal diseases, and offers some strength, hope, reality and a couple of smiles, and therefore, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks of my book.  It came from the heart, and is a success, regardless of whether it sells 10 copies or 10000000, because it is my true story of victory over alcoholism, Hep C, selfishness (a continuing battle) and of course the darker side of my human nature.

I stand a changed man at 3.5 years sober, and I owe a huge debt of gratitude towards AA. Though my father and many friends have lost to the disease of addiction, AA has saved many lives, including my own, and I’m grateful.

It was good to be able to point a friend toward the book, it put it all into perspective. I don’t wish the Hep C on him of course, but I’m glad I’ve already blazed the trail through hell for him to follow, as well as chronicled every step. I hope it helps more than just him.

-JB Smith

Wow, I remember when I began the project I believed I would finish the rough draft in approximately two weeks, and that was the Christmas break of 2008. One year and a half later, I am finishing up the final edit of my memoirs, having changed all the names, tweaking the ending, and adding the Amends to my mother, who passed from Cancer in 2004, and 3.5 years later, remains the one amends I’ve yet to make, and probably the toughest one of them all, as it ‘s a living amends one that I can not approach face to face. I’m sure I’ll uncover additional amends as I peel back the layers of the onion, but this one will finish the book nicely I believe.

Rand Hopkins told me a week before he died, that I should write the book, and that it would really help me more than anything else. He aslo said to live your dreams because you never know when you may get hit by bus. One week later, and a month after my mom died, Rand Hopkins died, and I stayed behind to continue my struggle with addiction. Man was he right. Finishing this book really helped me put it into perspective.

Using Thoreau’s quote, to summarize , Write as if you’re writing to relatives in a distant land, I was able to really detach myself from public opinion of the book. It’s for me and mine, and it’s  out there to share, if someone would like to read it, and it’s not aimed at pleasing or marketing to the masses, but really I think will be most helpful to those suffering from Hepatitis C, addiction, and of course the awful, but invaluable, Interferon treatment.

That being said, I’d love to sell a million copies, what writer wouldn’t.

Changing the names to protect the innocent bystanders, or others with the disease of alcoholism and or hepatitis C was my least favorite part of this project. Hiding under aliases felt so false, but the attorney and editor both strongly suggested it, and I’m not as headstrong as I once was. I would have much rather, published with all the real, original names though. I believe the story is still good, and solid and true, I just feel like some of the real names had a more poetic feel to them, and the false alias, felt a little fake, but I guess to strangers, who would know the difference. Guess we’ll have to wait and see.

The process has been long and ardous to get it published as well. The publisher books4free just emailed me to tell me he just recieved the ISBN, and Bar Codes. The cover design editor has finally finished a rough draft that I’m happy with, but she still has some small customizations, and of course, I have to do a couple of small things. Finish final editing of about 90 pages, as well as set up lightning source account, amazon account, and link them all up to the bank accounts. 19.99 looks like it will be the book price for the hard copy, as I’m not trying to rape and pillage anyone, would rather be cheap and sell a bunch, than lose a single sale, and not reach someone. Also, of course, staying true to the name, the book will be available online for free. Hopefully though, this will sell more hard copy and epub formated books. Oh yes, also need to set up smashwords account for epub and digital formats….

So things are moving along, but slowly. The next book will go more smoothly I’m sure, but you’re first baby is always going to entail a learning curve. We’re getting there though.

-JB Smith

After writing the rough draft from nothing, detailing the painful 32 year journey through an alcoholic family, watching my mother die of cancer over 5 years, and ultimately losing my mind for 6 months, you would think editing the book would be a breeze. I think I’ve found out why writers have editors though. I can’t stand editing. Whereas I could write 10-20 pages from nothing a day without feeling drained, editing 5 pages can take up to 4 hours for me.

I’m exhausted. Trying to finish the editing, finding a web developer, all while trying to be an executive recruiter for the top firm in Atlanta in the worst employment market since the 1930’s has got me feeling overwhelmed. On top of that, quitting smoking, day 4, has now give me flu like symptoms, not unlike the hellashish interferon treatment of over a year ago.

Just wish I could write and publish books full time. Soon though, very soon. Books4free.com will be a reality, my autobiography will be released, and God willing the books4free.com business model will work, be profitable, and allow me to begin finding new writers for the site, slowly building it up from scratch. I’ll of course start with stories of recovery, simply because there are so many miracle stories within that realm, but eventually I’d like to be publishing science fiction, mysteries, fantasy, and the like.

Until then all I can do is to keep trudging.