Posts Tagged ‘12 Steps’

“A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.” – Mark Twain

Posted: April 3, 2011 in Uncategorized
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What an amazing day here in sunny Atlanta, after 6 straight days of cloudy gloomy cover, it was great to tell my story at the 11:30 and hang out with a newcomer friend of mine in the rooms, and talk to him about sobriety about life and about the amazing gift of sobriety.

The first principle of the very first step is honesty. We must at least begin to be honest or we will drink again. If I’m not honest about my 1st Step then there is no hope at all for me what so ever. Fortunately for me, in writing out my first step, or all the negative consequences of drinking and drugging, written out was roughly ten plus pages. It was a glaring admission of powerlessness, and when I was really honest, it showed I was also capable of being a thief, a liar, and adulterer, and worse. All things I’d sworn I’d never be. But the disease of addiction twists and warps our thinking, and one lie turns into ten and ten into a thousand. An honest man is often times called a liar by other men, and only the honest man can say, I really am a liar. Because we all are. But in your heart, one always knows the truth.

And God, God knows the heart of every man woman and child on Earth, before your thoughts are your own God knows them, and he knows your every move before you make them. But more importantly God knows your heart. Are you good? Do you wish good of others, are you hopeful for good for others, or are you mean spirited, vengeful, spiteful, angry and petty? Is yours a heart of love or a heart of hate?

When I came into the rooms of alcoholics anonymous it felt like a switch had been turned in my head. That every thought I had was sick, dark or evil in some way shape or form. It felt like hell. I knew I had to change my thinking some way, some how. My sponsor said “You can’t think your way into right acting, but you can act your way into right thinking.” Or in other words, act as if. Even though all I wanted to do was drink and drug, DONT FUCKING DO IT NO MATTER WHAT, act as if the thoughts had already left me, and eventually they had. But they wouldn’t have if I’d acted on them. Eventually those thoughts did go from bad to good, and I don’t spend my days obsessing over dark things, or my mind go to the worst possible scenario at all times, for no reason. I really have had a spiritual awakening, and I’m grateful as I can be about it.

But I had to work for it. I had to be HONEST in all my dealings, in all my communication, with my sponsor, my peers, my friends, my family, everyone. The truth will always come out, one way or another it always has a way of making itself truly known.

Nobody on Earth is above the human condition, but if you can not grasp the first principle of the very first step, honesty, you are not going to make it very far in the program, no matter how much bullshit you spin. Honesty is crucial, there is no work around, and it applies to every move in the program from your stepwork to your relationships, to your communication with a higher power. Ultimately it comes back to buying and selling your own bullshit. If your mind is still manufacturing bullshit on one side, while the other side is buying it, then you aren’t going to be able to win that battle when the urges and cravings come to call and the voices in your head start getting louder and louder.

I have truly fucked up a lot of stuff in the program, but as my book will attest to, I am brutally honest. To a fault for fucks sake, hell I make fun of my own dick size in juvenile pirson I’m so fucking honest, and for a man, that is a big deal, hahahaha…

I digress… for the record that was from age 13-16, and I was a late bloomer… in fact, I’m still blooming… I’m getting older so I’m counting the sag, lol…

Life is good now, I’m 4.3 years sober or there abouts, I’m Hep C free, I’m saved, I’m in the best shape of my life, and I am honest with my sponsor, my family, and everyone I know, my entire life is quite honestly an open book. It’s the only way I know for an alcoholic, addict like myself to be free.

I honestly probably do spend a little too much time on facebook, and I could quit eating so many damn speckled eggs, but for the most part, my character defects are in check most days. That doesn’t mean I can’t be insensitive though, I am only a human being after all.

Thanks for everyone who came to the 11:30 this morning, it was one of my favorite times sharing my story ever. I didn’t expect to choke up crying when thinking about my father, but I guess we should remember the fallen to this disease from time to time, they weren’t always as bad as they were in those last few years, and I miss him very much.

Thanks again for the support, and hope everyone has an amazing weekend, I am eternally grateful for my AA family, and I hope the hand of AA is always what I give the impression of giving to the world, I never do mean any harm, but sometimes bridges get burned even with good intentions. I’m thick headed sometimes so if I said anything to offend anyone at that meeting, or talk too much about drugs, or drop too many eff bombs I do apologize, it’s just how I talk.

-JB Smith

Atlanta Snowpocalypse – The Stress Simmers – Aint no Sunshine When She’s Gone… just blizzards.

Posted: January 14, 2011 in Uncategorized
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Man oh man… me and my roommate stuck in an apartment at each others throats for 4 days in this Snowpocalypse finally took its toll yesterday when we ended up just straight screaming at each other at the top of our lungs.

So I started the day having to look for a new apartment. Last Saturday it was the woman I told off, now the room mate. I’m doing a fine job of letting my ego paint me into a corner lately. Can’t deal with her on her terms, so I say fuck everything and run (fear) can’t deal with my room mate on his terms, so I do the exact same thing. Fuck Everything and Run. Fucking FEAR.

The day actually started off pretty damn good and I closed a deal. My 5th for the month, I’m selling a text marketing solution to fast casual dining places, and there are residual incomes, so each little deal makes a difference. My goal is to sell 10 a month, and even with the ice storm, I’ve hit my quota for the half month, which aint bad considering the snowpocalypse, breaking it off with her, and now of course the room mate. So at least there is some light in the storm I guess…

But things went downhill from there. I go to the post office to put the check in the mail, because the client didn’t bring his credit card to the closing. Sooo, the post office tells me nothing is moving, no trucks have been there all week, and they have no idea when the trucks will begin rolling again. Before I went into the post office, I brought my leatherbound folder into the Jersey Mikes to try and sell to them but the owner was gone. After leaving the post office, I go out to my car, and I go to open the driver door, and I guess I pulled so hard I ripped my feet out from under me, sliding , really busting my ass, as my leather bound folder flies up into the air, scattering flyers with my biz cards everywhere, all over the parking lot, like a birds feathers in a cartoon after being nailed by a baseball. I cussed up a storm too, “Mutherfucker!!!!” as I’m getting up I see a mom pushing her stroller, all sympathy gone, disgusted at my vile mouth. I humbly walked around the parking lot picking up my flyers, which took a few minutes.

Driving out of the post office, flustered, bleeding, I blow past grandmas and soccer moms driving five miles an hour to haul ass over to Fed Ex so I can get the check to the CEO of my company. I pull in there, drive up to the parking spot, which is closed off on one side by a brick wall and when i go to hit the brakes, they just act like they don’t exist and i fucking nail the brick wall going 10 miles an hour. “FUCK”! I get out and an old lady is staring at me like I’m a moron…either from the cussing or the hitting the wall. I don’t know and I don’t care at this point.

Fed Ex tells me it’s 30 bucks and they can’t guruantee overnight… great, I fill out the form and send it off, bleeding all over the packing slip. I go apartment hunting… they suck, they are ghetto fabulous, and they require good credit and a deposit otherwise. Fuck… I go to pay my ex child support. I go inside to sit down for lunch while I wait for her, and the waiter, who I used to know, over 5 years ago when i drank in the joint at Chaplains, asks me what I want, I say a water, and go to pee. When I return there is a cold frosty beer on my table, a shot of jaigermeister, and the waiter, smiling like the devil. “Man that looks good buddy, but I haven’t had a drink in 4 years, and I asked for a water.” My bad he says. The reuben I ordered wouldn’t have passed quality control at my sons middle school cafeteria… I ate it anyway, and of course it gave me a stomach ache.

I drove down to Little Five to look at apartments where you don’t need credit, away from her, away from my meetings, away from my life, but fuck it, what choices do I have. 75/85 is bumper to bumper traffic. I circumvent it by going all back roads through Atlanta, past peidmont, monroe, blvd, to Freedom, I know my way around. The apartment, where I used to be a dope feign in little five, is still of course, the dump I remembered. Cool location, unique building, but an OCD nightmare, beyond description, lots of paint covering up problems, uneven floors, a kitchen to inspire fasting, I mean it’s not ideal. So I left bummed.

Went to see my client in Atlantic Station whom bought my first order last week, and guess what? She wasn’t there. Bought a coffee drink, but surprise, my check card was declined. Try this one. Also declined. Had to go out to car, did I mention this was my first client, oh yeah, I’m stylin, pray I have enough change scrounged up, which thankfully I did, and finally leave, embaressed and humbled. Get on 400 northbound and there is a wreck. 1 hour later, I make it home.

Man, that’s a shit day, hell I’m afraid to leave the house now. I did close the deal though, and once again, I wasn’t even tempted to drink when it was put right in front of me. That’s God, not me. Still, though I walked through the day successfully, it was stressful the entire way through. And I miss her terribly, but I guess I did that to myself.

Seriously, there just aint no sunshine when she’s gone.

-JB Smith

Hep C Fame – Steven Tyler , Anthony Kiedis , Pam Anderson , Interferon Chemotherapy, Ozone, Homeopathic or Delusional??

Posted: December 28, 2010 in Uncategorized
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Researching the three I know of, Steven Tyler, Anthony Kiedis, and Pam Anderson, I was glad to find at least Steven wasn’t babbling about some pie in the sky treatment like Ozone, but had in fact gone through 11 months of Interferon treatment and was actually free of the virus in his bloodstream, or otherwise cured. It was in this article from September 2006 in people magazine.

Steven Tyler Reveals Hepatitis C Battle

Steven Tyler Reveals Hepatitis C Battle | Steven Tyler

Steven Tyler

David “Bagel” Ungar/FilmMagic

Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler has revealed that he was diagnosed with hepatitis C three years ago, and recently went through 11 months of treatment.

“I’ve had hepatitis C for a long time, asymptomatic,” Tyler tells Access Hollywood in a new interview set to air Tuesday. “And I talked to my doctor … and he said now is the time and it’s 11 months of chemotherapy. So I went on that and it about killed me.”

Tyler, 58, says he’s much better after undergoing the treatment. “It is nonexistent in my bloodstream as we speak, so it’s one of those few miracles in doctoring where it’s like a complete cure,” says Tyler.

Hepatitis C is a liver disease spread by contact with the blood of an infected person, according to the Web site for the Centers for Disease Control. Many people who have hepatitis C show no symptoms of the disease.

Tyler also says the treatments, which included taking the drug interferon, were hard in his marriage to his wife of 17 years, Teresa, whom he split from earlier this year.

“I had a little problem at home, to say the least,” he says. “I would run upstairs at night, you know, to put the kids asleep and wake up at 3 in the morning with a nosebleed you know, just passed out from the interferon, the treatment.”

After keeping quiet about the disease for so long, Tyler says he’d like to share his knowledge about it with others.

“I may go on Oprah and talk about this,” he says. “I mean you know it’s just one of those things… it’s one of those things people don’t speak about it, but it is treatable.”

In March Tyler announced he planned to undergo surgery for an undisclosed medical condition, which forced Aerosmith to cancel its remaining tour dates. At the time, his rep said that doctors had advised the singer “not to continue performing to give his voice time to recover.”

So that was cool to find out. It made me want to find more about Anthony Kiedis and Pam Anderson. I found an excerpt from Anthony Kiedis’s book Scar Tissue, but man if I just don’t believe a word of it:

But the doorbell interrupts my reverie. A few minutes later, a beautiful young woman enters the living room carrying an exquisite leather case. She opens it and begins to set up her equipment. Her preparations complete, she dons sterile rubber gloved and then sits next to me on the coach.

Her elegant large glass syringe is handcrafted in Italy. It’s attached to a spaghetti — shaped piece of plastic that contains a small micro – filter so no impurities will pass into my blood stream. The needle is a brand new, completely sterilized microfine butterfly variant.

Today my friend has misplaced her normal medical tourniquet, so she pulls off her pink fishnet stocking and uses it to tie off my right arm. She dabs at my exposed vein with an alcohol swab, and then hits the vein with the needle. My blood come oozing up into the spaghetti – shaped tube, and then she slowly pushes the contents of the syringe into my bloodstream.

I immediately feel the familiar weight in the center of my chest, so I just lie back and relax. I used to let her inject me four times in one sitting, but now I’m down to two syringes full. After she’s refilled the syringe and given me my second shot, she withdraws the needle, opens a sterile cotton swab, and applies pressure to my puncture wound to for at least a minute to avoid bruising or marking on my arms. I’ve never had any tracks from her ministrations. Finally, she takes a little piece of medical tape and attaches the cotton to my arm.

Then we sit and talk about sobriety.

Three years ago, the might have been China white heroin in that syringe. For year and years, I filled syringes and injected myself with cocaine, speed, Black Tar heroin, Persian heroin, and once even LSD. But today I get my injections from my beautiful nurse, whose name it Sat Hari. And the substance that she injects into my bloodstream is ozone , a wonderful – smelling gas that has been legally used in Europe to treat everything from strokes to cancer.
I’m taking ozone intravenously because somewhere along the line, I contracted hepatitis C from my drug experimentation. When I found out that I had it, sometime in the early ‘90s, I immediately researched the topic and found a herbal regimen that would cleanse my liver and eradicate the hepatitis. And it worked. My doctor was shocked when my second blood test came up negative. So the ozone is a preventative step to make sure that pesky hep C virus stays away.

I took years and years of experience and introspection and insight to get to the point where I could stick a needle into my arm to remove toxins from my system as opposed to introducing them. But I don’t regret any of my youthful indiscretions. I spend most of my life looking for the quick fix and the deep kick. I shot drugs under freeway off- ramps with Mexican gangbangers and in thousand – dollar – a – day hotel suites. Now I sip vitamin – infused – water and seek out wild, as opposed to farm raised, salmon.

For twenty years now, I’ve been able to channel my love for music and writing, and tab into the universal slipstream of creativity and spirituality, while writing and performing our own unique sonic stew with my brothers, both present and departed, in the Red Hot Chili Peppers. This is my account of those times, as well as the story of how a kid was born in Grand Rapids, Michigan, migrated to Hollywood and found more than he could handle at the end of the rainbow. This is my story, scar tissue and all.”

“Scar Tissue” is an heartrending story of the life of Anthony Kiedis and the Red Hot Chili Peppers and is an inspiring movement for the spiritual creating of making music and finding the ride tunes and the struggles of a rock band in the music industry.
So yeah, I just have a hard time accepting that Anthony Kiedis has this European cure all, but Steven Tyler had to do a tough as nails 11 month long Interferon regimen that took it’s toll on his marriage, and not to mention the hellish side effects of headaches, exhaustion, and feeling about 50 IQ points lower than where we started. I mean couldn’t Steven Tyler have afforded the same treatment? Yes, of course he could, and he must have researched it, and probably even talked to Anthony about it, only he didn’t go down that road….probably because Anthony read him a horoscope or something fruity and Steven decided to go with something more clinical proven…lets see what I can find a bout Pamela Anderson and her Hep C battle.

“Playboy girl Pamela Anderson has taken up the cause to promote awareness about Hepatitis.

The former ‘Baywatch’ star was diagnosed with liver disorder way back in 2001 after she contracted it through a shared tattoo needle but feels there is nothing to feel ‘embarrassed’ about the condition, The People reported.

The 43-year-old star controls the infection with medical help but personally wants to raise awareness so that other Hepatitis victims do not endure it.

“I’ve had liver biopsies. I get checked every single year, my doctor told me just keep doing what you are doing. I also have the kind that’s easiest to control. There is no cure for it, so the important thing is to encourage people to get tested and not be ashamed. People get embarrassed as you get it from blood-to-blood contact, but it is not just junkies who have it,” said Pamela Anderson.”

Well, I don’t know what I expected. Poor Pam, she is just a blonde bimbo out of Hollywood with her best years behind her. Lol, she’s dead wrong though, it is curable, and her Gastreoentologist has outdated information. Of these three Steven Tyler seemed to have his eye on the ball the most. You know what is intriguing though, is the fact that 3 heavy weight celebrities all received different medical advice. I mean you would think, paying top dollar out west in LA, these three would receive the same fucking consensus but no, all three get different advice, and then of course Anthony called the psychic hotline for a consultation, but still. Nobody laid it out for them in no uncertain terms, what is they have, what they are dealing with, and what is the best way to cure it and/or treat it. Goes to show you that you have to do your own research and take everything with a grain of salt. I’m glad my Doc here in Atlanta, Dr. Hersch, told me it was curable, through Interferon, and that the young do better than the old. I mean, poor Pam sounds like she’s being told to wait to treat it until it’s a problem, but my understanding from Dr. Hutchinson out of Duke, was that the young seem to be on the better side of the 50/50 early responders side, so then, that advice for Pam would be terrible. Sure, maybe they come up with something more effective and less harmful long term than Interferon, but hell, maybe they don’t, and she begins treatment after cirrhosis has set in, and then bam, bad luck Pam, you’re on the wrong side of the 50/50, you don’t respond to treatment, you have a year to live. Wow, that would really suck, and it would all be due to the different kinds of medical advice being offered to these three medically insured celebrities. Jesus, I mean, if these A listers (maybe B) all get different varying medical advice, what a fucking miracle I got good advice, without health insurance as a no name kid out of Atlanta. I must remember to count my many blessings… and pray that Anthony and Pam don’t realize they were wrong way to late.

Please take a moment to read about my average man’s journey through insanity, addiction, Hep C, Interferon, and AA on http://www.books4free.com and check out the strong reviews on amazon at:

-Jared Bryan Smith

Guerilla Publicity, Reviews, Promoting a book…

Posted: October 27, 2010 in Uncategorized
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So the initial book launch has begun to fade, and with much stress I’ve watched the title go from top 50k, to under 100k, to 200k, and now is floating somewhere around 400k top books. Which is really still sad if you think of about it considering I’ve sold only around 30 copies or so. So now the real work begins it seems.

Getting the book to reviewers, getting those 30 readers to leave Amazon reviews, making sure Amazon lists it in proper medical categories, under Hepatitis C, Addiction, alcoholism etc, all very important. And then of course writing a decent press release, getting that press release and then hopefully a Press Kit into the hands of editors, producers, etc….  All it will take is one good hit, but it may be hard to do without the aforementioned reviews, and so , again getting the book to recognized reviewers will be crucial.

There are services that will do that for you, ranging from $250 bucks to 1500, but being unemployed, having spent every dime on the http://www.books4free.com launch and not being well funded, books4free is going to need to really begin rolling up their sleeves and getting it out there.

Fortunately his pain, followed by a solemn oath to avoid love again indefinitely, should definitely free up his calender…

-Jared Bryan Smith

Amazon Mysteries Abound!!

Posted: October 21, 2010 in Uncategorized
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Wow, the print on demand arrangement still being pondered, as I wonder why they would claim on my splash page on Amazon that there are only 3 copies left, and to order soon, they throw fuel on the fire with yet another jaw dropper. The book is now for sale, not at the 24.95 I set the price at months ago, but for 17.96.

This is well below their wholesale cost on the entire book, and though I get it, would have been nice to have received an email from the publisher, Books4free.com, but I’m sure he’s too busy golfing, fishing or dating bipoloar women to keep me posted… He swears he received nothing, but who knows.

The point is that Amazon owns his ass and they can set the price wherever they like, whenever they like, and do not have any need to keep him or the author informed. Fortunately books4free.com assures us that it’s actually a good thing for our customers, that the price is down, and though it eats into Amazon costs, we will receive the same pay out per book even though its below cost.

That is where I call bullshit. What lightning source should tell have told us is that most likely Amazon has bought a bulk of the book, since it’s selling well, and hence, gotten that bulk for a cheaper cost, probably saving something like 7 or 8 bucks per book. Which basically means Lightning Source is overcharging books4free.com and myself, something in the neighborhood of 10 bucks a book as there has only been about 20 or so sold, and I bet that’s the cut off for Amazon to actually stock some books. I bet at 100 there is another bulk pricing break.

It would really be nice to be privy to all this information going in, but alas, we are not, and learning these ropes as we go along.

In the meantime, I guess we should just be grateful that the cost is done to 17.96 per book, 7 dollars cheaper than the list price we set, and go ahead and advertise on Facebook and wherever that it’s on sale! Better than a 7 dollar increase I suppose.

Now if said publisher would just stop dating crazy women, maybe he would have the time to get me on some radio and television shows like a proper publisher! Some habits die harder than others I suppose.

-Jared Bryan Smith

Books4free.com – Hepatitis C, Alcoholism, Addiction Memoirs, LSD, The Grateful Dead, Amsterdam and Juvenile

Posted: October 15, 2010 in Uncategorized
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So the momentum is beginning to slow down as the facebook crowd who were awaiting books, are now reading rather than ordering I suppose. At the peak the book was in the Top 100 Alcohol and Recovery books, ranking at #67, but unfortunately I don’t know how many books that is in that given hour. On the overall ranking it’s maxed out at 32,000, which isn’t bad considering there are millions of books on Amazon, but now that it’s back in the 100-200k range, I’m scared to see where it will be in a week. Moving forward reviews, word of mouth, emails, and networking will be more influential than facebook. Guess I need to start sending to reviewers.

The book chronicles being born into alcoholic family, rebelling, dosing LSD/Acid very young, and raising hell through his teenage years, stealing, running away, wrecking cars you name it, until he finally settles down however briefly to have a son, and play family for a few years, however poorly the execution. After divorce at 22 he picks up where he left off, raising cane again, and really doesn’t even begin to slow down as his mom lies dying of cancer. After she’s gone his drinking takes on new sincerity and the challenge I really took on is towards the end of the book where I do my best to explain madness and insanity, delusions, and paranoid schizophrenia to the normal, “earth” person as we recovered alcoholics refer to the unafflicted. It’s hard to explain the color red though to a blind man, and I wonder if anyone will understand the enormity of my massive, intricate, detailed derangement. All I could do was try and explain how lost I’d gotten, how lost I stayed for so long, and how far I’d come back. It’s not a short journey, but given the number of people, just in our class of 1996, that are now dead to alcoholism, addiction  or something related, it’s a story worth reading, and worth understanding, as the solution, the 12 Steps of AA, can work on really any spiritual malady, but most especially addiction.

If the AA 12 Steps could work on me, who went to the edge of the abyss, looked in and had the abyss stare back in, invade and pay rent for years, it can seriously work on anyone. I really wrote the book I wish I’d read when I went to pick up a Million Little Pieces by James Frey. I wanted some hope, I wanted a story as dark as mine, detailed and honest, and messy with guts and humiliation, and something bigger than myself. When I lived that firsthand, I felt it was worth writing, and though a little long, as I’m beginning to hear back, it’s worth the read. If you think it’s long reading, thank God you didn’t live it!

-Jared Bryan Smith


Books4free.com – Hippopotamus Sea; My Viral Sobriety by Jared Bryan Smith

Posted: October 11, 2010 in Uncategorized
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Well the book launched yesterday! I was very excited as I didn’t realize it was basically automatic from the acceptance of the proof with Lightning Source. I was putting pressure on my graphics designer/web designer who was basically stalling and putting it right back on me, which drove me a little batty. So I was thinking books4free was going to have to call LSI, which is always a pain in the ass, and find out how to connect LSI and Amazon together. Thankfully it was all done automatically.

Hippopotamus Sea; My Viral Sobriety, written by me, Jared Bryan Smith, 2.5 years in the making, and it finally launches on 10-10-10, a sheer coincidence. Chronicling a 17 year drug and drinking binge, sobriety,  the 12 Steps of AA in their modern workings, haha, as well as, of course, the contraction of Hepatitis C, the insane costs of the treatment without insurance, the charity given by Roche, and the grueling Interferon treatment itself, it’s certainly a book anyone in recovery would appreciate.

It doesn’t sugar coat much, and cuss words are modern, and used liberally. Anyone who has Hep C, isn’t going to be offended I suspect, but it may not penetrate the staunch religious aspects of AA as some are very averse to cursing. My God doesn’t speak English exclusively so he could care less how many times I drop the F bomb. I didn’t cross the GD line though, haha. It’s a good book, regardless of anyone’s delicate sensitivities. I couldn’t write honestly and not cuss a little.

So as of yesterday my best ranking was in the top 32000 on Amazon, but today, Monday, we’ve drifted back to about 75k, so my brother just bought 3 copies to test this theory, see what happens. Very strange as a publisher books4free can’t just go and look up exactly how many copies they’ve sold, but I guess they probably just haven’t figured that out yet. I suppose books4free should call LSI regardless just to see how to do that.

I’m glad the book is up though. I used a technical editor, and in all honesty it wouldn’t shock me if later on down the road I ended up getting an editor specifically attuned to working on autobiographies, to get rid of some of the name dropping, probably crop some pages, but at this stage, it’s the very best I could do with the tools, resources, and time I had at hand. Especially the money. I would have saved thousands going through Lulu.com or any Vanity Publishing Press out there, but we wanted to use my book to launch books4free.com. We’ll see how that all plays out moving forward  I suppose.

So go take a look please, if you haven’t already!

http://www.books4free.com

-Jared Bryan Smith

Smashwords release, awaiting font changes:

Posted: September 7, 2010 in Uncategorized
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So we have republished on smashwords, and for now have the price set at 9.95, as we’re not trying to push the digital copy just yet, but am just holding steady as we await the publication for hard copy, via Lightning Source. My web designer, slash graphics designer, has the final manuscript, and has to touch every single individual page in order to make the font right for Lightning Source. A  bit of a pain in the ass and another expense I didn’t see coming, in this learning curve I could have never anticipated. I wonder how much I would have saved using an independent publisher, rather than trying to do everything all myself.

Oh well, such is life, and now we wait. Still I love the cover, the final edited book, and hopefully, I’ll sell a few copies, and recoup at least some of the expenses, energy and effort, as we get closer to a launch.

There are much better memoirs, and MUCH MUCH better thorough detailed 12 step based books, but I look at this as an idiots or dummy guide to the 12 steps, if someone as lazy, slow and burnt out as me can do them, defeat alcoholism, drug addiction, Hep C, Interferon, and family crises, than truly anyone can do it.

I also one day hope to change the names to the originals, but would have to go back and get individual signatures for all the as of now anonymous characters. One day, when there is more time, I plan on doing that. Until then, it’s still a good book, chronicling a true story, just with different alias’s. Hope you enjoy.

Jared Bryan Smith

Hepatitis C, Anthony Kiedis, Johnny Delirious, Homeopathic or Pathetic … Hep C Reality

Posted: May 28, 2010 in Uncategorized
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I did it. After almost two years of writing my book about Hep C, and hell, 3.5 years of thinking about the story, I decided to google the competition out there and see who else had written stories involving Hep C, and of course, as the challenges are so parallel, sobriety. I don’t know why I was so reluctant to see what was out there, other than, I just didn’t want to be discouraged by seeing like Hemingway’s surprise Hep C autobiography I’d never known about or something, and I just wanted to knock it out before I looked. Anyway, I found some stuff out there, but nothing that blew  my socks off.

First and foremost, you have Anthony Kiedis’ Scar Tissue, a great book I’ve heard, as he’s the front man for the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and God knows we’ve all heard, Under the Bridge Downtown, and can hear the description of his pain as he shoots heroin for the first time. Surely we can expect him to have had his own Hep C struggles, and of course the sobriety struggles that go along with it. I love one of his quotes I just found because it is exactly what happened to me regarding drugs and alcohol:

“You know I love pot, and I love beer, but I am totally sober, just because it completely stopped working for me.
Anthony Kiedis”

Man, I remember hearing that in an AA meeting before it happened, and thinking, What Bullshit. But whoa, what fear descends upon the madman when it occurs. Of an addict for 15+ years, when that day comes that the drugs and alcohol quit working, you will feel fear, and loneliness that few others ever experience. Your best friend of years disappears instantly, and you can’t imagine life with or without drugs and alcohol. I say this is my book, but it remains one of my favorite quotes: “Most of God’s miracles, first felt like a punch in the gut.” Eventually I would be grateful for that day, but I digress. So Anthony Kiedis had Hep C, wrote an autobiography, and says some pretty good shit about sobriety and Hep C. However, a lot of it was rock star, elite, Pie in the Sky treatment that Joe America simply doesn’t have access too. He says he beat it with a controversial treatment called Ozone gas, which is presumably, painless, miracolous, and just as effective as 48 weeks of hellish painful Interferon Treatment. My only objection here, is that if you ask your Dr., any major Gastroentologist in the United States about Ozone, they will laugh it off, or claim the expense is too high, that it isn’t FDA Approved, or just say that the only thing that is medically recognized to cure Hep C is Interferon…which is by the way, expensive, painful, depressing, and maddening. It’s like saying well, the common man has to take Chemotherapy for Cancer, but I, being a pompous rock star, was able to take nitrus oxide, and laugh away my disease.

“And finally yes, it’s true that Anthony Kiedis has hepatitis C. He contracted it somewhere along in his escapades and it is believed that it was caused by the drugs.  He is combating the infection with ozone administered by flea’s and his personal nurse Sat Hari. Ozone is a “wonderful-smelling” gas that has been used legally in Europe to treat everything from strokes to cancer. Most of this information can be found in his biography “Scar Tissue”.”

A wonderfully smelling gas. Interesting. I wonder how true any of this is? It’s all legal in Europe huh? If this is the case, why does the US not use it. Maybe I don’t know shit, and it’s a huge conspiracy against Americans, but as an American I was given one option, by my medical Dr., to defeat Hepatitis C, and that was Interferon, and though it was painful and hellish it did seem to work. After 6 months the disease was clear from my system, and after 2 years, I’m going in today to get it checked again, and hopefully will receive the same result. Hep C free and clear. I’ll ask my Dr. about Ozone today.

The other book I was able to find out there was written by “Johnny Delirious, Hepatitis C, Cured, who claims, from what I could tell briefly that he beat the disease, which he was diagnosed with in the late stages and given 8 months to live, with only homeopathic means. Ie… vitamins and sunshine, and positive thinking. Quite honestly his site links to so many sites charging for Homeopathic cures, you can’t help but think that this guy is just marketing to a demographic already susceptible to delusions and pie in the sky instant gratification solutions. I wonder how much money he’s made selling this book, and/or linking back to all the homeopathic solutions, that have absolutely no medical validity, and my MD claims are bullshit. Milk thistle? Gimme a break. This Virus will attack and kill your liver, and some dipshit is out there selling books about refusing a liver transplant and beating the disease on his good karma and GNC pills. Gimme a break. No I haven’t read the book, and no I don’t plan on it. I don’t know about Ozone treatments or homeopathic cures to Hep C, just as much as I don’t know how to moderate drinking or drugs. I got into this mess, taking short cuts, shooting for the angles, instant gratifications, and feel better cures, and the only way out of the hole I dug for myself, was the long ardous road of Interferon that an actual MD, speciliazing in the liver, suggested I take and whom laughed off, Ozone, and or Milk Thistle, and the other bullshit he offers on his website…

Also, never take medical advice from a guy whose last name is Delirious. Just saying. Maybe it worked for him, I haven’t , and won’t read the book, but for the average, Hep C infected addict, alcoholic, your options really don’t include Ozone, and or Vitamins and Milk Thistle. Follow your Gastroentologist’s advice and take Interferon. It’s tough, but it works, and these other cure alls are just that in my opinion.

On the other hand if Ozone does actually work, and the medical community has kept it out of the states, for profitability reasons or something that sinister, then Shame on them. Interferon changes you for life. If there were medical data, and access to Ozone, like rock stars apparently have, I would recommend it be the new treatment, but I have to assume, the United States, with the best, most educated Dr’s in the world, have a better reason than profits, to keep Ozone out of the US, and Interferon as the major treatment for this debilitating disease. I don’t know, but it just seems really strange, the only two other books out there, offer these fairy tale, delusional options, that weren’t available to me, or any of the other Hep C patients I’ve met here in the States. I guess, that makes my book original then. Unless of course, you are a rock star, then call Anthony Kiedis, he seems to have access to magical gas that smells great.

Please take a moment to read about my  journey through insanity, addiction, Hep C, Interferon, and AA on http://www.books4free.com and check out the strong reviews on amazon at:

-JB Smith

Ultimate Purpose of a book chronicling addiction, Interferon, and Hepatitis C Struggles

Posted: May 21, 2010 in Uncategorized
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After two effing years of working on a book, my dumbass originally estimated would take two weeks to complete, you better believe you occasionally wonder if the thing is worth a damn, or just an inflated ego tauting rambling pile of turds.

But the original reason I began writing it was to hopefully give witness to my story of recovery, of getting sober, finding out I was Hep C positive, and then staying sober, navigating the waters of meetings, weekly interferon shots, ribavirin and the hell the was the 48 week treatment of Interferon. Ultimately I wrote this book for people that may have to go through the same process, as surely I didn’t have a monopoly on contracting Hep C and then getting sober.

Last night as fate, God, or Zeus would have it, a close friend of mine turns out is facing the exact same challenges. With a natural aversion to Alcoholics Anonymous, and little to no hope of beating both addiction and Hepatitis C, I can at least give him my book, allow him to read that it can be done, and not just by some stranger, but my someone he knows, and hopefully walk away with a little bit of purpose, direction, clarity, and the Universe willing, some hope.

Even if the book gets racked against the coals, crucified in reviews, and shat on in the public eye, if it seriously helps one Hep C sufferer get through the hellish year of Interferon Treatment it will have served it’s purpose.

The Henry David Thoreou quote helps as well. To paraphrase, “Write as though you’re writing to far away relatives” and in that you preserve the truth, and allow your writing not to be hampered by what others may think.

I really pray this book reaches out to sufferers of addiction, Hep C, and the families of those suffering both of those fatal diseases, and offers some strength, hope, reality and a couple of smiles, and therefore, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks of my book.  It came from the heart, and is a success, regardless of whether it sells 10 copies or 10000000, because it is my true story of victory over alcoholism, Hep C, selfishness (a continuing battle) and of course the darker side of my human nature.

I stand a changed man at 3.5 years sober, and I owe a huge debt of gratitude towards AA. Though my father and many friends have lost to the disease of addiction, AA has saved many lives, including my own, and I’m grateful.

It was good to be able to point a friend toward the book, it put it all into perspective. I don’t wish the Hep C on him of course, but I’m glad I’ve already blazed the trail through hell for him to follow, as well as chronicled every step. I hope it helps more than just him.

-JB Smith

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