Posts Tagged ‘NA’

Ultimate Purpose of a book chronicling addiction, Interferon, and Hepatitis C Struggles

Posted: May 21, 2010 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
0

After two effing years of working on a book, my dumbass originally estimated would take two weeks to complete, you better believe you occasionally wonder if the thing is worth a damn, or just an inflated ego tauting rambling pile of turds.

But the original reason I began writing it was to hopefully give witness to my story of recovery, of getting sober, finding out I was Hep C positive, and then staying sober, navigating the waters of meetings, weekly interferon shots, ribavirin and the hell the was the 48 week treatment of Interferon. Ultimately I wrote this book for people that may have to go through the same process, as surely I didn’t have a monopoly on contracting Hep C and then getting sober.

Last night as fate, God, or Zeus would have it, a close friend of mine turns out is facing the exact same challenges. With a natural aversion to Alcoholics Anonymous, and little to no hope of beating both addiction and Hepatitis C, I can at least give him my book, allow him to read that it can be done, and not just by some stranger, but my someone he knows, and hopefully walk away with a little bit of purpose, direction, clarity, and the Universe willing, some hope.

Even if the book gets racked against the coals, crucified in reviews, and shat on in the public eye, if it seriously helps one Hep C sufferer get through the hellish year of Interferon Treatment it will have served it’s purpose.

The Henry David Thoreou quote helps as well. To paraphrase, “Write as though you’re writing to far away relatives” and in that you preserve the truth, and allow your writing not to be hampered by what others may think.

I really pray this book reaches out to sufferers of addiction, Hep C, and the families of those suffering both of those fatal diseases, and offers some strength, hope, reality and a couple of smiles, and therefore, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks of my book.  It came from the heart, and is a success, regardless of whether it sells 10 copies or 10000000, because it is my true story of victory over alcoholism, Hep C, selfishness (a continuing battle) and of course the darker side of my human nature.

I stand a changed man at 3.5 years sober, and I owe a huge debt of gratitude towards AA. Though my father and many friends have lost to the disease of addiction, AA has saved many lives, including my own, and I’m grateful.

It was good to be able to point a friend toward the book, it put it all into perspective. I don’t wish the Hep C on him of course, but I’m glad I’ve already blazed the trail through hell for him to follow, as well as chronicled every step. I hope it helps more than just him.

-JB Smith

ugh, becoming a non-smoker and such

Posted: August 14, 2009 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,
0

So after a year of interferon treatments for Hep C I was still in almost constant pain after a year of not taking the poison. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful that it worked and all, the Hep C is gone, etc. but man headaches for a full year after the even more brutal year of treatment was no fun. In an effort to isolate the cause of the headaches I decided to become a non-smoker, as my sponsor told me to tell myself. So far so good, but damn, I wasn’t prepared for the massive headcold that apparently accompanies one’s efforts to quit smoking cigarettes. Jesus, I mean it hits you hard and fast. Three days after I became a non smoker my head was one massive lot of gunk. To combat this I ended up taking some Sudafed, and not the pussy kind they sell over the counter, the kind that actually works, where I have to provide my ID, swear I’m not making meth, etc. Good lord, I don’t know if I’m just ubersensitive to pseudophedrine or what, but I felt like I was on the bad side of a coke binge for the entire time I was on the sudafed, for like 3 days. I ended up taking it Tuesday, 2 pills, Wednesday 2 pills, and then Thursday, it was the worst day I’ve had in almost 3 years of sobriety. I woke up, chewed a bunch of nicorette on the way into work, and took my 2 sudafed, but around 2 pm or so rememebered we had dinner plans with the CEO of our company at 7 pm at his Mansion in Buckhead, the ritzy part of Atlanta GA, down the street from the Governer’s mansion. So, being the genius I am, I figured I would need to take more sudafed. I took an additional 2 at 2 pm, and then again at 6 pm or so, and low and behold, by the time they sat me next to the boisturous and dynamic CEO of our firm, I felt like I was wired, like it was the tail end of a 3 day coke or meth binge. It’s been 3 years since I’ve even had a sip of alcohol, and man, that’s the most fucked up I’ve felt in that time. I prayed about it, got through it all, went to a group conscience after dinner, and swore off Sudafed for life.

After I slept it off, I actually woke up with a low grade headache, not unlike what I remember a hangover to be like. What the hell is pseudophedrine anyway, that by changing a few molecules it turns into meth. How the hell did they sell that shit over the counter for so many years, its insane. Does it have some opiate or amphetamine derivative. Man there is something behind the chemical make up of that shit that relates poorly to an ex drug addict, and it should be studied, I’ve not felt worse in my entire sobriety, and people should understand that chemical relationship. I know normal people, or Earth people, don’t have that same reaction to sudafed, so why does it make me feel so cracked the hell out? Weird stuff.

I may have a headache today, but I don’t care, I’m never taking Sudafed, Claritin D, or anything with pseudophedrine again. My chemical make up is too sensitive, and maybe I did that after years and years of abuse, alternating chemicals and what not, but there is nothing worth those side effects in a recovered alcoholic like me.

Still no smokes though. Day 7, at 5:00 it will have been a week! Woot! I remember when I started smoking 20 years ago thinking, I wonder what it’s like to be addicted to something. Well, I’ve been addicted to everything under the sun since that philosophical juggernaut, and can honestly appreciate, that I no longer underestimate, my lack of power when it comes to addiction. At least now I know though, and at 32 can move forward from this, and make better choices. 7 days is a good start to no cigarettes, just follow the instructions, 3 months on the 4 mg, 3 months on the 2 mg, and then stop, all the while working up your cardio and exercise capabilities so that when you do ultimately quit the nicotine completely you have an outlet in exercise. Not to mention, get rid of the 30 lbs of gut I gained when I quit  drinking. Haha, people say they’d expect you lose weight when you quit drinking. Not when you drank like I drank. I was down to 140 on a Crown Royal and amphetamine diet, and I’m 5’7″, so I needed the weight back. Just probably not 30 lbs of it. haha! Life is good, anyone can start over.

-JB Smith

books4free.com 10 year birthing pains

Posted: August 10, 2009 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
0

Wow, so this is my first bloggage activity, and I’ve yet to see how this process works, so for all I know I’m writing in the subject line right now. It’s been a long day, I’m an executive recruiter by day and a writer by night, but also trying to finish the editing, and ultimately the publishing of my book through the website and publishing company books4free.com . Hippopotamus Sea is the name of the book, and it’s about the journey of my life. From being born into an abusive alcoholic, albeit, upper middle class, family in the late 1970’s, watched my Dad’s progressive disease as he spiraled downward from drinking Budweiser on a daily basis, to pina colodas, to chugging vodka straight from the bottle, and ultimately on August 22, 1989, putting a .357 to his head and blowing his head off.

I led an intense and crazy adolescent life, flirting with LSD, pot, cocaine, and of course my love, drinking, followed the Dead a little, sold drugs, went in and out of Juvenile Detention in downtown Atlanta where Judge Hatchett would scold me and let me go from time to time, until dropping out of school and dealing drugs, a gun was put to my head, both literally and figuratively. My girlfriend got pregnant, and then while she was 8 months pregnant a gun was put to my head to rob me of the cash I’d brought to a drug deal.

Longer story than can be blogged, eventually bought books4free.com in an early attempt to publish ebooks in 1999, that he’d written about Big Brother and the other wild conspiracy theories he’d floated about in his fragile little mind. I met in the rooms of AA and our stories were so similar we decided to work together.

Bertelsmann offered 20k in 2000 but I declined. Instead, got married, then divorced, and my addictions got worse and worse until I was doing my dying mothers fetinol patches. Once she died, I switched to heroin in one fateful evening, that would ultimately give me Hep C and cause my liver to start failing. I quit the heroin and all opiates after that night, but I continued to drink and things got worse and worse.

I lost my mind. I thought I had a microchip in my ankle, I thought I was an undercover CIA operative, and I was certain I was in hell when alcohol quit working for me in August of 2006.

I went to AA, I believed I was in hell, and my soul would ignite at any moment. I wrote a detailed book about the entire experience, my entire life leading up to that crossroads, and the journey of beating Hep C afterwards, and staying sober, etc.

With 2.5 years of real sobriety now, I’m trying launching the book, putting the final editing touches on the book Hippopotumus Sea and I believe I’m getting close, though the international slowdown in the economy is certainly not helping my progress any.

Oh well, such is life, as Miley says with all her years of wisdom, there is always going to be another hill to climb, always gonna be an uphill battle. Haha, I’m delirious. Day 3 without a cigarette, but it’s all good, I’m sure this too shall pass.

The dynamics of books4free.com will be this:

An unpublished author like myself will be able to post his/her entire book online for free, available to read, but not for download or print, but if they like it, and want to buy the hardcopy they’ll be able to purchase it through the site as well, or purchase the MP3 audio, or of course the ebook, which thanks to Sony, no longer is a monopoly through the kindle. The site, books4free.com, will offer authors the most money back of any self publishing avenue out there, and with the domain as obvious as it is, we will hopefully attract many readers, so that the cream will rise, and the books that aren’t amazing, will fall by the way side. That way when it becomes evident we have a successful writer on our hands, we will be able to act as a literary agent to the traditional brick and mortar publishing houses, and sign our authors up. We will charge less that lulu, iuniverse, or authorhouse, because we’re in it for the authors, not the vanity publishing revenue dollars.

We truly just want great works to be read, without the wall of traditional publishers from blocking them. Emily Dickinson died with 1000’s of pages of works in her attic. This is a place for writers to publish, and be discovered, without being charged an arm and a leg for cover design work, additional editing, consulting, etc. Vanity publishing sells to just that , the egos and vanity of writers, which I assure you can be quite large, but books4free.com and booksforfree.com will be for finished product, to be posted, and viewable for the public to read and judge on their own.

God willing, it won’t take another 10 years to launch anyway. Sometimes when I make plans, God laughs!

– JB Smith

Newer Entries