Great week for me. For weeks I’ve been praying for God’s guidance and direction in my job search, and I’d basically felt like I’d been beating my head against a brick wall for a few weeks, with dead ends, holding patterns, lost opportunities, and the oh so escapism fantasy I constantly return to… Afghanistan. Well one night this week, I don’t remember which now, I prayed intently, and slept well that evening and dreamed vividly for what seemed like the entire evening. The first dream, wasn’t the most profound to me, but it did have significance in that I dreamed i was about to take a drink and even in the dream decided, “Wait, it’s not the beer or the buzz, it’s that fucking obsession in the morning. So if you’re doing this to feel good, well in the morning that obsession back on, you’ll feel ten times worse, so your argument is pointless.” I heard that even in my dream and wasn’t able to drink even in my subconscious, or more miraculously didn’t want to drink, even in my dream. The next one I remembered was of a bunch of us middleschoolers from Crabapple Middle tearing it up on the football field at the Roswell Rec. I was quarterback and we were playing on the whole field, and Jay Houze was running down the field, and Steve Rose was trying to tackle me counting the Mississippi’s and low and behold I just decided to run for it and juked Stevie, ran the whole 100 yard outmaneuvered a few more and bam was in the end zone! In my dream I was barely panting, but hell even at 13 that run would have hurt.
So I was left the next morning to ponder the meaning of the dreams and as any alcoholic over analyzer will do, I thought and thought and thought about these and basically came up with what I am now using as guidance. You see I loved playing football growing up, absolutely loved getting bloody and running all over the place getting cut up and especially when after a long battle the occasional win. Unfortunately when I finally talked my mom into playing football at the Rec I absolutely fucking hated it. The dream, the romance and the reality just didn’t line up. The hours were hell, the pads were claustrophobic and the heat was just unbearable, and I remember wishing it would just all be over out there. I was the runt of the entire team, which didn’t matter as much in Stevie’s front yard, but when I was lined up against big ass Chad Crane, and we both knew I was going to get decked over and over and over again, helmet to helmet headaches no matter what moves or magic or even prayers, it just took all the romance right the fuck out of the game for me. Lol, I remember him knocking my ass over one time and I was just like, fuck this, I quit, and knew I’d never play football in pads again. The more I think about the Army the more I think that’s probably what I would end up like. Miserable. The romance of hunting Taliban in Afghanistan, just doesn’t match the reality of wearing Kevlar, and ten tons of equipment, a big ole oversized everything cause I’m all of 5’6″ and carrying around a big ole, hot metal gun in the 120 degree desert heat. Shit, an hour of that and I’d probably be shooting at donkeys, thinking they were Taliban. I’d probably trip over my own boots and blow my big toe off and have to write the stupidest combat blog ever known to man, lol. I have nothing but mad respect for our Armed Forces, I just think my romantic notion of what it will be like, and what its really like is probably way the fuck off.
The other thing I thought of was all the jobs I’ve lost over the past 3 years and how much better off I’d been if I’d just kept my damn company with all the contracts I had with Time Warner, Home Depot, Cox, I mean over 20 or so major accounts in the Atlanta area, and I thought I’d be better off working for other folks for a bit, when perhaps I really was better off running my own show the whole time. The fact that I choose not to throw to Jay, but instead ran the 100 yards, maybe means I’m ready to start my company back up, this time sober, from start to goal achievement. Sure we’re all worried about the potential government defaults and European credit crises, yes yes I see the trash piling up in the streets in Italy due to austerity measures and certainly I’m aware this is an unprecedented time in our history, but here I am third time in 3 years laid off, while giving it my best shot, and when I folded up shop, it was only for greener pastures. So with all that in mind, I come to find out that I actually made a placement at my former employer, which would coincidentally give me the ample funds to start my company back up.
This time though, in the recruiting world, instead of going with the name SeekAndEmploy, which was awesome mind you, albeit a bit juvenile, I think I’ll go a little more professional this go around with a name in mind i’ve kicked around for a bit.
It’s good to have options I suppose.
It’s also good to have savings while you consider ones options.
Both of which wouldn’t be a reality if I were still drinking. God is good, and there is a reason for all things under the sun, I need only listen and God’s guidance will point me in the direction I need to go. The difficulty usually lies in doing the right thing, right now as a friend would say. We shall see, but a much better end to the week than beginning.
-Jared Bryan Smith
JB Smiths Blog - Author @ books4free.com 