Posts Tagged ‘AA Blog’

Pharmaceuticals, Doctors, AA, and Sobriety, The Over Medication of America – Modern Bloodletting

Posted: February 25, 2011 in Uncategorized
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Pharmaceuticals, Doctors, AA and Sobriety

It is clear, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Alcoholics Anonymous, has no stance on outside issues, and this includes the use of pharmaceuticals, prescribed by Doctors to help the newcomer get off alcohol and more illicit drugs. I used Librium to fight detox on two occasions, and I’m glad it existed, as the time I detoxed with nothing, was a freaking nightmare, so I get the good that they are capable of, though I never used them for more than a few days to get past the worst of the shakes and dt’s.

What does concern me though, is when a newcomer comes into the rooms, has several different Doctors, is cross diagnosed as manic depressive, borderline personality disorder, let us not forget the ever popular Bipolar diagnosis, and of course each and every one of us qualifies for ADHD, and is on several different kinds of heavy legally prescribed drugs, and then can’t figure out, why at 90 days they aren’t feeling any better.

It was refreshing therefore to see a speaker yesterday who’d been diagnosed schizophrenic, and a few other diagnoses and had all the accompanying symptoms, have a Doctor tell him, “I don’t think you are any of these things, just a plain old fashioned garden variety alcoholic, and I believe if you just practice the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, you will feel 100% relief from all these supposed conditions.” The Doctor then told him, “We will keep a close eye on you, expect some moderate to severe discomfort the first week or two as you cycle all these meds out of your system, but as you come into week three, four and five, I’ll be willing to bet you begin feeling considerably better, especially if you stay on top of your program and continue going to lots of meetings and working the steps.”

The speaker from last night told us he immediately began to feel better. His mind began to clear almost instantly, that it was uncomfortable the first few days, but after a week, he began to feel the light like he’d never felt it before and he was something in the neighborhood of six months sober. Those meds had been blocking the sunlight of the spirit however, and for the first time, he really began to feel relief. He said he believed those meds had been keeping his mind fuzzy for months on end and as soon as he stopped the fog began to lift. Most Doctors do not understand this miracle that is recovery. Since 1939 people with as bad and worse cross addictions, and emotional disorders have been getting sober through AA without medications, and yet, now, in 2010, it seems, every woman and man that comes in to the program comes clutching on to two or three pill bottles, for two or three different diagnoses. Though AA doesn’t have a stance on medications, I feel like we should at least tell people, “Listen, should you do it your way with all these meds and find the results still wanting, remember there is another way.” The Founders, and for decades millions, of AA’ers got sober, without any meds at all. Having anxiety is a normal part of getting sober, which is the God sized hole we must fill with the program of action.

 

I by no means speak for AA and I by no means advocate not listening to your doctor, but AA does have a pamphlet you can share with you Doctor at the link below, and it was just good to hear a speaker talk about how it had worked for him, specifically dropping his medications, and giving 100% chemical freedom a chance.

I know for me, when I was diagnosed with Hepatitis C, and began taking Interferon, which I wouldn’t wish on Osama Bin Laden (well maybe him), they told me to take Wellbutrin, because the awful side effects were so strong they were surely going to make me depressed. But after just a few days of that medication, after being completely sober a year, 100% chemical free, I felt completely disconnected from God. I quit taking them that day and instantly felt better. I did my entire year without anti depressants, anti anxiety or pain medications because I didn’t want to feel disconnected from God as I went through that year of low level chemotherapy to clear my body of Hepatitis C. I’d felt the connection with God, and I didn’t want anything to sever that, more so that the Interferon itself would have to. I can’t imagine what it must be like getting sober, with those kinds of chemicals keeping you separated from the very beginning. It may make the first few days easier, like Librium, but I bet when you’re rounding the 90 day and 6 month timeframes of sobriety, you just aren’t as connected as someone who has been getting sober without all the psychological meds.

Again, I’m no official, or Doctor, but my experience strength and hope is that, just as I couldn’t get sober on the Marijuana Maintenance program, I doubt real sobriety comes while on a cocktail of pharmaceuticals. If you are on a cocktail and you don’t feel like you’re getting the results, just remember that you haven’t tried all the ways of sobriety just yet. Please just be aware that there is another way, the way of 100% chemical freedom, no medications other than Tylenol, Advil and the like. Show the following AA pamphlet to your doctor, and honestly ask them, “Could this approach work for me? Could we at least try it for 90 days, and if it’s not yielding results you can always go back to all the meds, but don’t give up, don’t stop persevering or relapse back into the old drinking and drugging ways, without at least giving every single avenue, every single creek that leads to the river and ocean of life, a chance. Many more people have gotten sober without all the medications in the last 10 to 20 years, than have with them, and if it feels like it’s not working, just remember, there is one more way.

If you are on a bunch of meds and it’s your first time in AA, don’t beat yourself up, who can blame anyone for doing as their Doctors suggests? We are all just proud of you for being here in the first place and we will love you until you learn to love yourself, it just makes sense to be aware that there is another way of doing things, and the purists, over the past 70 years, cumulatively have a lot of sobriety. So if it’s not working your way, remember, there is another path that may hurt more on the front end, but that many believe, pays huge dividends as you work the 12 Steps clean and sober, without any medications. If nothing else seems to be working, isn’t it worth a try?

http://www.aa.org/catalog.cfm?origpage=189&product=33

-Jared Bryan Smith

 

Hippopotamus Sea: My Viral Sobriety – Rand Hopkins Dedication

Posted: February 23, 2011 in Uncategorized
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So recently I’ve been asked a few times about the dedication in the beginning of my book, given to Rand Hopkins who was a mentor to me in my writing from early on. He, my Uncle and my father were good friends dating years back in the Atlanta theater scene as they worked on such productions as “The Boy King”, a play about Martin Luther King’s childhood and several other plays in Atlanta during the eighties. My Dad had a sound recording studio in the basement, prior to his death, and this was where they recorded the scores for all of those plays.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0394259/

Rand Hopkins was a writer, an actor, and even a talented painter, and my Aunt still has several of his paintings. He was also a very jovial, loving man, who was one of the few people on Earth who could tell me good stories about my Dad after he died in 1989 of alcoholism, or suicide rather, but still when someone dies like that most of the stories take dark turns. Only a handful of people were able to tell me good things about my Dad, and he was one of them. A particular funny story involved my dad going outside to take a piss and coming back in screaming and yelling about a dog almost biting his dick off, and as Rand would tell the story he’d be in tears with the theatrics, and his laughter was a contagious sort, so I’d be in tears laughing about my dad’s antics. That was a kind thing of him to do, and I was grateful, then and now.

Shortly after my father passed, my mom allowed me to go to NYC with a group of kids that Rand would host, and we would visit all the Broadway Plays in New York City. What an adventure for a 12 year old. We would have a blast. My mom gave me a few hundred bucks spending cash, and I remember hitting Time Square and finding every arcade I could possibly find, and just spending hours and hours in them. Rand didn’t mind just so long as I made it back to the hotel before midnight or so. While we were in NYC we saw a ton of plays, from Phantom of the Opera, to Miss Saigon, Les Miserable, and even a few off broadway productions as well, including one in which we sat second or third row and Ralph Macchio from the Karate Kid was the lead actor. I remember watching it and marveling at the differences between plays and movies with the Karate Kid a few feet from me, remembering his lines flawlessly, but still so much more human than on the big screen.

As the years passed we lost touch, especially as my drug and drinking use accelerated. But at a few critical moments I would reach out to him and share with him my writings, and he would encourage me, and tell me I was talented and I should continue writing. He sent me a copy of the Writer’s Market around 1998, and then again in 2004, when we reconnected after I was cast, quite accidentally, in “Miracle on 32nd Street” due to Gwen’s insistence. That’s another story you can find in the book. It was just a few weeks after my mama had died of cancer, and Gwen had left me for San Diego. I was withdrawing from all opiates and doing my damnedest not to kill myself drinking, or at this point, the way my father had gone. We talked briefly one night about a month after my mom, and he said something to the effect of “Live out your dreams JB, because life is short and you just never know when you might get run over by a bus. Write a book about everything you’ve gone through, because you’ve gone through a lot, and it will help you heal.” Literally a month later Rand Hopkins died suddenly in his sleep. I dropped out of that play, unable to contain my drinking binges, and completely incapable of showing up to anything on time or with any kind of consistency, but because of that play, and the people at the play house I heard about Rand’s death, and otherwise, I doubt I would have ever even heard. Funny how life works out like that.

I wasn’t invited to the funeral. Or maybe I was, and they just couldn’t get a hold of me. That’s the predicament of being a black out drunk, it’s hard to blame folks for lost invites, but the significance of that man, his words and his sentiment was never lost on me. He believed in me as a writer, and because he was an award winning writer himself I believed in him. If anybody else had said it I wouldn’t have believed them.

He had awesome connections and friends, and I sometimes wonder if I could reach any of them, but I know he knew Michael Jay Fox and also helped out Kenan Thompson who was also from my hometown of Atlanta, GA, early on in his career, though I’m not real sure the extent or depth of either friendships.

Still, I wish he’d been here to see my book launched, and could have helped me a little to promote it, and more than that, to tell me what he really thought. The good die young it seems. I suppose I should rejoice that I had him in my life as long as I did, and be proud that I did complete the project.

I dedicated the book to him because more than anyone else, his encouragement and faith in my writing meant the absolute most to me over the years. He was a good friend and I miss him much.

-Jared Bryan Smith

Kindness Regardless – The Challenge of Ego

Posted: February 20, 2011 in Uncategorized
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For years and years I jumped at the excuse for a fight, and a grudge, hell I collected those. Having had a spiritual awakening though, and being relieved of the obsession to drink and drug, and having turned over my will to God, I know for damned sure he doesn’t ever want me to be angry, resentful or aggressive in any manner… ever. Knowing these philosophical laws and acting accordingly are two entirely different things though. Still in all the literature, both AA, and New Testament, ridding ourselves of anger and resentment is a cornerstone of our new found freedom.

In the Big Book, on page 66 it says:

“If we were to live we had to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for alcoholics these things are poison.”

A few years ago, and this is something I removed from the book, a friend of mine and I moved in together after I had finished my year of Tx, or Interferon treatment. I was literally evicted from the abandon house the month my TX treatment ended, which was a miracle in itself, but regardless, I was tired. Sheerly exhausted after a year of hellacious low level chemo for Hep C, and I just moved in with him thinking our long term friendship, from the time of kindergarten, was enough of a reason to trust him. I did it in spite of my sponsor’s advice, and despite the fact that he was still using drugs and alcohol moderately. All of those signs should have been ominous red flags, but in the program you just have to live and learn. It turned out, as my sponsor and network assured me it would be, to be a fricking disaster. He would get drunk, scream and yell at me and generally get both verbally and physically abusive. This was a guy I used to fist fight when drunk all the time, but I had about two years sober and was being told that wasn’t the way to handle things. So I would find myself walking away from my own home, into the night, as I’d done when I was drinking and drugging a lot and after about three or four months of this domestic drama I’d had enough and plotted a way to move out. I did so, one weekend, in a hurry, because otherwise it would have been dramatic and I’d had enough of the confrontations. After being successfully moved in to a new apartment near my work and starting a new job, he called several times, freaking out on me, saying he’d signed a year lease on account of having a roommate, etc, which I’d never agreed to, and also that I owed him some money, roughly 200 bucks for utilities. I said I would pay him at the end of the month. He told me to pay now or he’d call the CEO of my 25 million dollar company and tell them I was an ex heroin addict, had Hepatitis C, and in the end he said, nobody wants a junkie working for them. I called his bluff and a day later I was called into HR’s offices and confronted about being an ex junkie, and Hep C survivor, as if that was anybody’s business. I denied it all, but was actually fired for no reason, with the top sales numbers in the company six months later. When I walked out of those offices, I walked to my car, more like a quick march, and I prepared to go find this supposed friend of mine I’d known since kindergarten, and proceed to fucking kill him. On the way there, I heard a voice in my head tell me that I should go to a meeting instead. I went to the meeting, and like infinite times before I heard exactly what I needed to hear, that anger wasn’t acceptable for an alcoholic, and that I had to be rid of it. And so I prayed about it. I’d spent years in anger before. The beauty of alcoholics anonymous is that I had a network of men I could talk to about my anger, and within 24 hours I had completely, 100% forgiven this man for trying to get me fired, and ultimately freed myself of the resentment within 24 hours. When I was in my disease, I held onto resentments for years, even decades. This program taught me how to forgive, and be a useful servant to those suffering, because angry, who can I serve? Only myself.

Matthew 5:44

“Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be the sons of your Father in heaven…if you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even the pagans do that.”

Funny how so much program stuff and Christianity go hand in glove like that. It is common to love those that love you, it is much more challenging to love those that have wronged you, or whom do not like you, but are not they God’s children as well? And especially in AA, where we want the hand to be open to newcomers at all times, under any and all circumstances, it is crucial to forgive, forget, and love everyone, no matter what, period, the end. Pride and ego make it easy to forget this fact, but that friend that called my boss those years ago, whom I forgave, has since reached out to me about quitting drinking. Had I hated him, or worse been aggressive and violent as my initial gut reaction screamed for, I could have closed that door of useful service, of being able to be a hand of AA. Thank God I was taught how to forgive, and thank God my resentments don’t rent space in my head anymore.

And even when it can seem unfair, Pauls words in Romans help me as well:

Romans 5:2:

“And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character, and hope.”

Basically it is easy to give lip service to forgiveness. To being kindness, regardless of all circumstances, to turning the other cheek if necessary, and  being able to be of service, to everyone at all times. Just as Christ taught us forgiveness, the program teaches us that anger is the dubious luxury of normal men.

My ego, and pride can flare up and say something like “But then my kindness is misinterpreted for weakness, or naivety, or worse cowardice.” But as even Ghandi, who was not a Christian said ““The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” 

Ego deflation though, is critical to all spiritual progress, as humility is the cornerstone of all spirituality.

So what if it hurts my ego. Suck it up cupcake. You can not let your light shine on the world, be happy, joyous and free and be angry at the same time. To be of maximum service of God, you absolutely must forgive yourself, and all others around you, all their transgressions, real or imagined.

– Jared Bryan Smith


Gregg Allman – Hepatitis C – Liver Transplant – Interferon – Dirty Tattoo Needle…really Gregg? You’re a rock star, who cares.

Posted: February 2, 2011 in Uncategorized
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Gregg Allman was always one of my favorite musicians, and I used to love getting drunk and high going to Allman brothers shows. Recently I found out he too was a Hep C survivor and had actually had a liver transplant done as well. This article I found on the internet though, is fucking laced with inconsistencies about Hep C, treatment, Interferon, and the like, even calling Hep C an STD which it is clearly not. I have first hand proof that it isn’t, having knocked up a woman years and years ago while still in my active addiction and disease, who then had an abortion, but never got the Hep C that I was carrying back then, thank God I’ve been cleared of it. But surely if it was an STD it would have spread during the conception of a child, but it didn’t. My liver doctor told me of multiple cases of man and wife being married for 20-30 + years and not spreading the virus via sex, and yet major news outlets like CNN can still report it as an STD, just blatantly disregarding facts, and common accepted truths in the medical community. Hell even the AMA took it off the list of STD’s a few years back, and here is all they say about it:

“HCV is transmitted primarily through large or repeated direct percutaneous exposures to blood. In the United States, the relative importance of the two most common exposures associated with transmission of HCV, blood transfusion and injecting-drug use, has changed over time. Blood transfusion, which accounted for a substantial proportion of HCV infections acquired >15 years ago, rarely accounts for recently acquired infections although the risk is not zero. In contrast, injecting-drug use consistently has accounted for a substantial proportion of HCV infections and currently accounts for 60 percent of HCV transmission in the United States and a high proportion of infections continue to be associated with injecting-drug use.”

There article is completely devoid of any STD talk because it is proven not to be transmitted via semen, saliva, or other fluids, only blood…

But because it was mislabeled in the beginning of it’s discovery, the rumor and confusion persists, and even educated nurses will call it an STD, when it clearly isn’t:

Here are several other links basically stating the exact same facts.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15128350

http://qjmed.oxfordjournals.org/content/92/9/505.abstract?maxtoshow=&hits=10&RESULTFORMAT=&fulltext=Lack+of+evidence+for+the+heterosexual+transmission+of+hepatitis+C&searchid=1&FIRSTINDEX=0&resourcetype=HWCIT

And yet still, a CNN reporter and presumably an editor fuck it up as recently as last summer while reporting on Gregg Allman’s case:

CNN by Deborah Mitchell

Hepatitis C, a liver disease in which the organ become inflamed and dysfunctional, destroyed Gregg Allman’s liver, making him a candidate for a liver transplant. The 62-year-old rock and blues legend underwent the surgical procedure at the Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville, Florida.

Individuals can get hepatitis C through contact with an infected person’s blood. This can occur in a variety of ways, such as being born to a mother who has the disease, having sex with an infected individual, being tattooed or pierced with an unsterilized needle that was used on an infected person, sharing drug needles with an infected individual, experiencing an accidental needle stick from a needle that was used on an infected person, or using an infected person’s toothbrush or razor.

Most people do not experience symptoms of hepatitis C until the virus has caused damage to the liver, which can take ten or more years to occur once the infection sets in. Symptoms may include jaundice (yellowish eyes and skin), swollen stomach or ankles, diarrhea, upset stomach, tiredness, nausea, weakness, loss of appetite, dark yellow urine, weight loss, abnormally long bleeding times, and the development of spiderlike blood vessels on the skin.

Allman began treatment for chronic hepatitis C in late 2007, and his doctors recommended a liver transplant because his liver had suffered chronic damage. Most hepatitis C infections become chronic, according to the National Institute for Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases. Without treatment, chronic hepatitis C can cause cirrhosis (scarring of the liver), liver cancer, and liver failure.

Hepatitis C is not treated unless it becomes chronic. A combination of drugs, peginterferon and ribavirin, is usually used to help slow or stop the virus from damaging the liver. Peginterferon is administered by injection once a week while ribavirin is taken daily by mouth.

According to the National Organ Procurement and Transplantation Network (OPTN), which is operated by United Network for Organ Sharing, approximately 6,500 liver transplants have been performed each year in the United States. More than 15,000 men, women and children are on a waiting list for a donated liver. The details of each candidate’s condition are confidential, although the OPTN can answer general questions about its transplant policy and process.

When chronic hepatitis C results in liver failure, a liver transplant is typically necessary, as occurred in Allman’s case. Drug treatment typically continues after transplantation because hepatitis C usually returns despite surgery.

SOURCES:
CNN, June 23, 2010
National Institute for Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases
National Organ Procurement and Transplantation Network

So yeah, good work Deborah, way to continue to misrepresent and promote an incorrect stereotype, and kudos CNN on letting it slide.

As for Gregg Allman, you amazing guitarist and hero to so many southerners and music fans out there, why come up with this bullshit story? You sing about heroin, we know you were an addict, we aren’t fucking morons. You could have been so helpful to so many people by stating exactly what happened to you, your struggle with Hepatitis C, your liver transplant and exactly how you got it, but instead of manning up and just admitting you were a junkie, you give the world this crap ass cop out:

“Gregg Allman was diagnosed with Hepatitis C in 2007; he suspects he was infected by a dirty tattoo needle. Allman had been on a donor list since 2008.

Look Gregg, I know getting Hep C isn’t exactly prestigious, but who gives a shit, you’re a fucking rock star. Now that you’ve beaten it, how about it? Tell us how Interferon was? Are you still suffering from the after effects like so many of us are? Are you achy, fatigued constantly with headaches plaguing you every other day, sometimes day in/day out for weeks on end? Do you have brain fog, was your creativity affected? We fucking need a voice Gregg, and you and Steven Tyler just brush it off completely. Worse yet is Anthony Keidis and Keith Richards who claim to have beaten it with good luck and charm, and Anthony rambles on about Ozone and some magical fairy dust or gas, but the rest of us went through hard as hell Interferon treatment, and many of us are still suffering from long term effects of it… the worst of which for me is the brain fog. Are you Gregg? Steven? Or do you just feel fine? Inquiring minds would love to know, cause we could really use a voice. The pharmaceutical industry thinks they’ve got a cure, but may I remind you of the Hippocratic Oath. First do no harm. I am in constant chronic pain, and though Hep C free, that sure as fuck feels like harm. What about you Gregg? I am glad you got your liver and have beaten the disease, but come on man, step up to the plate, there are millions suffering, and you could be a really big inspiration to people. Let us know how you’re really doing.

-Jared Bryan Smith

A minor operation is one that is done on someone else – Dr. Richard Selzer (Hep C, Interferon, Pegasys Side Effects Reported to Roche Genentech)

Posted: January 25, 2011 in Uncategorized
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So in the interest of conspiracies and full disclosure, I did just formally complain to Roche Diagnostics, or a division of Roche called Genentech via an 1-800 number and case number *ahem 1462, because I was led to do this by an underground advocate of Hep C and Interferon treatments who are still suffering serious side effects from his Hep C treatment, Interferon and Pegasys, just as I am. So if I disappear mysteriously, let the bread crumbs start here! haha… He also forwarded me the side effects document that I posted on the left side of my blog here under Hep C Side Effects, and I’m grateful this guy is doing something, because 3 years out I am still suffering major headaches, daily and wake up every morning with a crushing pain in my skull, and I have to take 4 advil every single morning. At three years out I’m concerned that this is never going to go away, and in fact has been getting worse as of late.

The more concerning factor is that I’m now not alone, but have been hooked up with a group of at least 20 or so who are all experiencing these major side effects from Interferon treatment. It sucks, and mine, headaches, seem to be on the light side of the symptoms. There are people on this underground list with MS, fibromylgia, chronic joint and skin problems, and more. We’ve read doctors quotes talking about how it seems like anyone who uses Interferon is worse off than when they started. And yet I personally am obviously torn as to how to protest or be letigious, simply because I am cured of the disease of Hepatitis C, which now kills more people than HIV in the United States. So, I’m cured, but I suffer chronic pain. I wasn’t in dire need of Interferon treatment, I could have waited 20 years, but of course as Dr. Hutchinson told me, the young do better than the old, so I guess it does make sense to take the meds sooner rather than later. Especially in my case when you had the tougher version of the disease, which takes 12 months of Interferon and Ribavirin treatment, not just 6 months, and which of course is only cured 50% of the time, compared to some of the less aggressive strains of the virus which are closer to 70%. But had I known about these side effects and the advent of Telepravir which is supposedly right around the corner and lightens the load of the interferon and ribavirin one has to take, I may have waited.

I am very grateful to be free and clear of the virus of Hep C though, and what’s more, Roche actually paid for my entire one year prescription, which would have been 3k x 12, or 36k I sure as hell did not have. Still… my motivation is drained constantly. Fatigue is always with me, no matter how much I work out or don’t work out, and my memory, both short and long term are definitely affected. The irony is that the brain fog I have is so closely associated to a hangover I may as well have kept drinking. I often wonder if I did some cocaine or amphetamines like I used to (which is of course why I got Hep C in the first place) if it would reconnect all those neural synapses or whatever the hell. Who knows. I know a girl who went back out and used Adderall for a while, and she seemed sharp for a little while, but as fate would have it, she just last week got another DUI so there goes that one million and fifty fifth excuse to relapse, drink and take drugs… foiled again! haha….

Anyway, so yeah, I reported my side effects to Roche, though  I doubt anything will ever come of it, and to be honest, I am grateful the virus is gone. I mean I feel better than when I was on Interferon for sure, but what I wouldn’t give to feel sober, healthy and as lively as I was prior to the treatment. I mean it really was night and day, and I wish there had been an easier method of getting rid of the virus.

I wish someone would do an actual scientific study on Ozone, and Anthony Kiedis and Steven Tyler would both come clean about how and why they both choose to treat it differently.

I wish the tests would show that something was different with me, but all my tests come back saying I’m perfectly healthy, and yet hear I am, every single day, brain fog, tired, waking up with a headache and taking more than 8 advil a day. One day science will have something to definitely indicate the differences in patients pre and post interferon but apparently for now, the benefits, or being cured of Hep C, most certainly outweigh the consequences, or dying of hep c, and of course, not having any measurable side effects. Who can blame dr’s for thinking it doesn’t cause differences if here I am feeling like shit all the time, but completely incapable of proving it to anyone.

Oh the quote, haha, that refers to the Hep C, Liver Biopsy or sword inserted into your side, no fun at all, and though considered minor, very majorly painful. Read my book Hippopotamus Sea: My Viral Sobriety to hear my entire Hep C, Interferon, recovery journey through alcoholism, drug addiction, and of course Hepatitis C, and I give it away 100% free on http://www.books4free.com , it aint no scam, just a site that allows you to read my life story for free, and it’s also available for sale on Amazon and Smashwords for very cheap in hard back, and digital on smashwords.

-JB Smith

Atlanta Snowpocalypse – The Stress Simmers – Aint no Sunshine When She’s Gone… just blizzards.

Posted: January 14, 2011 in Uncategorized
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Man oh man… me and my roommate stuck in an apartment at each others throats for 4 days in this Snowpocalypse finally took its toll yesterday when we ended up just straight screaming at each other at the top of our lungs.

So I started the day having to look for a new apartment. Last Saturday it was the woman I told off, now the room mate. I’m doing a fine job of letting my ego paint me into a corner lately. Can’t deal with her on her terms, so I say fuck everything and run (fear) can’t deal with my room mate on his terms, so I do the exact same thing. Fuck Everything and Run. Fucking FEAR.

The day actually started off pretty damn good and I closed a deal. My 5th for the month, I’m selling a text marketing solution to fast casual dining places, and there are residual incomes, so each little deal makes a difference. My goal is to sell 10 a month, and even with the ice storm, I’ve hit my quota for the half month, which aint bad considering the snowpocalypse, breaking it off with her, and now of course the room mate. So at least there is some light in the storm I guess…

But things went downhill from there. I go to the post office to put the check in the mail, because the client didn’t bring his credit card to the closing. Sooo, the post office tells me nothing is moving, no trucks have been there all week, and they have no idea when the trucks will begin rolling again. Before I went into the post office, I brought my leatherbound folder into the Jersey Mikes to try and sell to them but the owner was gone. After leaving the post office, I go out to my car, and I go to open the driver door, and I guess I pulled so hard I ripped my feet out from under me, sliding , really busting my ass, as my leather bound folder flies up into the air, scattering flyers with my biz cards everywhere, all over the parking lot, like a birds feathers in a cartoon after being nailed by a baseball. I cussed up a storm too, “Mutherfucker!!!!” as I’m getting up I see a mom pushing her stroller, all sympathy gone, disgusted at my vile mouth. I humbly walked around the parking lot picking up my flyers, which took a few minutes.

Driving out of the post office, flustered, bleeding, I blow past grandmas and soccer moms driving five miles an hour to haul ass over to Fed Ex so I can get the check to the CEO of my company. I pull in there, drive up to the parking spot, which is closed off on one side by a brick wall and when i go to hit the brakes, they just act like they don’t exist and i fucking nail the brick wall going 10 miles an hour. “FUCK”! I get out and an old lady is staring at me like I’m a moron…either from the cussing or the hitting the wall. I don’t know and I don’t care at this point.

Fed Ex tells me it’s 30 bucks and they can’t guruantee overnight… great, I fill out the form and send it off, bleeding all over the packing slip. I go apartment hunting… they suck, they are ghetto fabulous, and they require good credit and a deposit otherwise. Fuck… I go to pay my ex child support. I go inside to sit down for lunch while I wait for her, and the waiter, who I used to know, over 5 years ago when i drank in the joint at Chaplains, asks me what I want, I say a water, and go to pee. When I return there is a cold frosty beer on my table, a shot of jaigermeister, and the waiter, smiling like the devil. “Man that looks good buddy, but I haven’t had a drink in 4 years, and I asked for a water.” My bad he says. The reuben I ordered wouldn’t have passed quality control at my sons middle school cafeteria… I ate it anyway, and of course it gave me a stomach ache.

I drove down to Little Five to look at apartments where you don’t need credit, away from her, away from my meetings, away from my life, but fuck it, what choices do I have. 75/85 is bumper to bumper traffic. I circumvent it by going all back roads through Atlanta, past peidmont, monroe, blvd, to Freedom, I know my way around. The apartment, where I used to be a dope feign in little five, is still of course, the dump I remembered. Cool location, unique building, but an OCD nightmare, beyond description, lots of paint covering up problems, uneven floors, a kitchen to inspire fasting, I mean it’s not ideal. So I left bummed.

Went to see my client in Atlantic Station whom bought my first order last week, and guess what? She wasn’t there. Bought a coffee drink, but surprise, my check card was declined. Try this one. Also declined. Had to go out to car, did I mention this was my first client, oh yeah, I’m stylin, pray I have enough change scrounged up, which thankfully I did, and finally leave, embaressed and humbled. Get on 400 northbound and there is a wreck. 1 hour later, I make it home.

Man, that’s a shit day, hell I’m afraid to leave the house now. I did close the deal though, and once again, I wasn’t even tempted to drink when it was put right in front of me. That’s God, not me. Still, though I walked through the day successfully, it was stressful the entire way through. And I miss her terribly, but I guess I did that to myself.

Seriously, there just aint no sunshine when she’s gone.

-JB Smith

Hep C Fame – Steven Tyler , Anthony Kiedis , Pam Anderson , Interferon Chemotherapy, Ozone, Homeopathic or Delusional??

Posted: December 28, 2010 in Uncategorized
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Researching the three I know of, Steven Tyler, Anthony Kiedis, and Pam Anderson, I was glad to find at least Steven wasn’t babbling about some pie in the sky treatment like Ozone, but had in fact gone through 11 months of Interferon treatment and was actually free of the virus in his bloodstream, or otherwise cured. It was in this article from September 2006 in people magazine.

Steven Tyler Reveals Hepatitis C Battle

Steven Tyler Reveals Hepatitis C Battle | Steven Tyler

Steven Tyler

David “Bagel” Ungar/FilmMagic

Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler has revealed that he was diagnosed with hepatitis C three years ago, and recently went through 11 months of treatment.

“I’ve had hepatitis C for a long time, asymptomatic,” Tyler tells Access Hollywood in a new interview set to air Tuesday. “And I talked to my doctor … and he said now is the time and it’s 11 months of chemotherapy. So I went on that and it about killed me.”

Tyler, 58, says he’s much better after undergoing the treatment. “It is nonexistent in my bloodstream as we speak, so it’s one of those few miracles in doctoring where it’s like a complete cure,” says Tyler.

Hepatitis C is a liver disease spread by contact with the blood of an infected person, according to the Web site for the Centers for Disease Control. Many people who have hepatitis C show no symptoms of the disease.

Tyler also says the treatments, which included taking the drug interferon, were hard in his marriage to his wife of 17 years, Teresa, whom he split from earlier this year.

“I had a little problem at home, to say the least,” he says. “I would run upstairs at night, you know, to put the kids asleep and wake up at 3 in the morning with a nosebleed you know, just passed out from the interferon, the treatment.”

After keeping quiet about the disease for so long, Tyler says he’d like to share his knowledge about it with others.

“I may go on Oprah and talk about this,” he says. “I mean you know it’s just one of those things… it’s one of those things people don’t speak about it, but it is treatable.”

In March Tyler announced he planned to undergo surgery for an undisclosed medical condition, which forced Aerosmith to cancel its remaining tour dates. At the time, his rep said that doctors had advised the singer “not to continue performing to give his voice time to recover.”

So that was cool to find out. It made me want to find more about Anthony Kiedis and Pam Anderson. I found an excerpt from Anthony Kiedis’s book Scar Tissue, but man if I just don’t believe a word of it:

But the doorbell interrupts my reverie. A few minutes later, a beautiful young woman enters the living room carrying an exquisite leather case. She opens it and begins to set up her equipment. Her preparations complete, she dons sterile rubber gloved and then sits next to me on the coach.

Her elegant large glass syringe is handcrafted in Italy. It’s attached to a spaghetti — shaped piece of plastic that contains a small micro – filter so no impurities will pass into my blood stream. The needle is a brand new, completely sterilized microfine butterfly variant.

Today my friend has misplaced her normal medical tourniquet, so she pulls off her pink fishnet stocking and uses it to tie off my right arm. She dabs at my exposed vein with an alcohol swab, and then hits the vein with the needle. My blood come oozing up into the spaghetti – shaped tube, and then she slowly pushes the contents of the syringe into my bloodstream.

I immediately feel the familiar weight in the center of my chest, so I just lie back and relax. I used to let her inject me four times in one sitting, but now I’m down to two syringes full. After she’s refilled the syringe and given me my second shot, she withdraws the needle, opens a sterile cotton swab, and applies pressure to my puncture wound to for at least a minute to avoid bruising or marking on my arms. I’ve never had any tracks from her ministrations. Finally, she takes a little piece of medical tape and attaches the cotton to my arm.

Then we sit and talk about sobriety.

Three years ago, the might have been China white heroin in that syringe. For year and years, I filled syringes and injected myself with cocaine, speed, Black Tar heroin, Persian heroin, and once even LSD. But today I get my injections from my beautiful nurse, whose name it Sat Hari. And the substance that she injects into my bloodstream is ozone , a wonderful – smelling gas that has been legally used in Europe to treat everything from strokes to cancer.
I’m taking ozone intravenously because somewhere along the line, I contracted hepatitis C from my drug experimentation. When I found out that I had it, sometime in the early ‘90s, I immediately researched the topic and found a herbal regimen that would cleanse my liver and eradicate the hepatitis. And it worked. My doctor was shocked when my second blood test came up negative. So the ozone is a preventative step to make sure that pesky hep C virus stays away.

I took years and years of experience and introspection and insight to get to the point where I could stick a needle into my arm to remove toxins from my system as opposed to introducing them. But I don’t regret any of my youthful indiscretions. I spend most of my life looking for the quick fix and the deep kick. I shot drugs under freeway off- ramps with Mexican gangbangers and in thousand – dollar – a – day hotel suites. Now I sip vitamin – infused – water and seek out wild, as opposed to farm raised, salmon.

For twenty years now, I’ve been able to channel my love for music and writing, and tab into the universal slipstream of creativity and spirituality, while writing and performing our own unique sonic stew with my brothers, both present and departed, in the Red Hot Chili Peppers. This is my account of those times, as well as the story of how a kid was born in Grand Rapids, Michigan, migrated to Hollywood and found more than he could handle at the end of the rainbow. This is my story, scar tissue and all.”

“Scar Tissue” is an heartrending story of the life of Anthony Kiedis and the Red Hot Chili Peppers and is an inspiring movement for the spiritual creating of making music and finding the ride tunes and the struggles of a rock band in the music industry.
So yeah, I just have a hard time accepting that Anthony Kiedis has this European cure all, but Steven Tyler had to do a tough as nails 11 month long Interferon regimen that took it’s toll on his marriage, and not to mention the hellish side effects of headaches, exhaustion, and feeling about 50 IQ points lower than where we started. I mean couldn’t Steven Tyler have afforded the same treatment? Yes, of course he could, and he must have researched it, and probably even talked to Anthony about it, only he didn’t go down that road….probably because Anthony read him a horoscope or something fruity and Steven decided to go with something more clinical proven…lets see what I can find a bout Pamela Anderson and her Hep C battle.

“Playboy girl Pamela Anderson has taken up the cause to promote awareness about Hepatitis.

The former ‘Baywatch’ star was diagnosed with liver disorder way back in 2001 after she contracted it through a shared tattoo needle but feels there is nothing to feel ‘embarrassed’ about the condition, The People reported.

The 43-year-old star controls the infection with medical help but personally wants to raise awareness so that other Hepatitis victims do not endure it.

“I’ve had liver biopsies. I get checked every single year, my doctor told me just keep doing what you are doing. I also have the kind that’s easiest to control. There is no cure for it, so the important thing is to encourage people to get tested and not be ashamed. People get embarrassed as you get it from blood-to-blood contact, but it is not just junkies who have it,” said Pamela Anderson.”

Well, I don’t know what I expected. Poor Pam, she is just a blonde bimbo out of Hollywood with her best years behind her. Lol, she’s dead wrong though, it is curable, and her Gastreoentologist has outdated information. Of these three Steven Tyler seemed to have his eye on the ball the most. You know what is intriguing though, is the fact that 3 heavy weight celebrities all received different medical advice. I mean you would think, paying top dollar out west in LA, these three would receive the same fucking consensus but no, all three get different advice, and then of course Anthony called the psychic hotline for a consultation, but still. Nobody laid it out for them in no uncertain terms, what is they have, what they are dealing with, and what is the best way to cure it and/or treat it. Goes to show you that you have to do your own research and take everything with a grain of salt. I’m glad my Doc here in Atlanta, Dr. Hersch, told me it was curable, through Interferon, and that the young do better than the old. I mean, poor Pam sounds like she’s being told to wait to treat it until it’s a problem, but my understanding from Dr. Hutchinson out of Duke, was that the young seem to be on the better side of the 50/50 early responders side, so then, that advice for Pam would be terrible. Sure, maybe they come up with something more effective and less harmful long term than Interferon, but hell, maybe they don’t, and she begins treatment after cirrhosis has set in, and then bam, bad luck Pam, you’re on the wrong side of the 50/50, you don’t respond to treatment, you have a year to live. Wow, that would really suck, and it would all be due to the different kinds of medical advice being offered to these three medically insured celebrities. Jesus, I mean, if these A listers (maybe B) all get different varying medical advice, what a fucking miracle I got good advice, without health insurance as a no name kid out of Atlanta. I must remember to count my many blessings… and pray that Anthony and Pam don’t realize they were wrong way to late.

Please take a moment to read about my average man’s journey through insanity, addiction, Hep C, Interferon, and AA on http://www.books4free.com and check out the strong reviews on amazon at:

-Jared Bryan Smith

Books4free.com radio plug tomorrow, http://www.newstalk1160.com/shows/weekend-hosts !!! “Technology Cafe” – Xmas 2010 & The Lady & MY 4 YEARS SOBER ANNIVERSERY!!us

Posted: December 24, 2010 in Uncategorized
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Wow, even my stepdad was impressed I was able to get on newstalk1160 this Saturday and Sunday from noon to one. Too bad my stats show that the only blog of mine being read is the one about Anthony Kiedis and Johnny Delirious, haha, or perhaps I’d be doing a little better job of promoting it. It’s all good though, it’s just a good first start, hopefully Gus Cawley will let me back on Technology Cafe to explain the Free Books on books4free.com idea in a little more detail, as well as go into length about the subject matter and unique story of Hippopotamus Sea: My Viral Sobriety. No matter what, even though I feel like I bombed the beginning of the interview, it’s still free publicity, and that is just free advertising.

So if you read the saga/blog of yesterday, you may find it even more humorous, that after all of that adventure, I found myself back at Phipps Plaza yesterday afternoon, repurchasing, on my now third visit to Tiffany’s, the silver locket with the number 6 on it, so that I could give to the girl I’m madly in love with… I told her friend I was a moron as I was walking back into the store, and she eloquently put it “No you’re not, you’re just in love. It’s crazy.” Yes it is. For someone with less than a year sober, and going through a tough divorce, my girls friend has really got a good head on her shoulders, and I owe her a big thanks for the gift advice, but also in just all her kind words as me and the blond have gone up and down, up and down. She could have crucified me, and instead told her friend nice things, and I’m grateful she is in both  my girls life and mine. So yeah, I couldn’t even get home before I’d texted her the picture of the Tiffany’s box. she first played like she was upset I got her something, and then admitted she’d gotten me something too. Haha.

Here’s the thing though, it wasn’t for Christmas as we’d discussed. I got hers for her six months, and she got mine for my 4 years. The thing is, she got me a little model of a sailboat with the inscription on the sails “We can’t change the wind, but we can adjust the sails.” It’s quite literally the most  thoughtful gift anyone has ever gotten me in my memory. Nobody in my mind has ever taken the time to know what I like,  or get something for my office where I spend so much time. It was really amazing. I’m humbled and grateful to God she was put in my life. Even if the whole thing goes south tomorrow, I’ll be grateful just for having met her. It was an awesome gift, and exchanging them with her was more fun than I can remember in recent memory.

So yeah, today, the 24th, is my technical and actual 4 year anniversery of picking up a white chip. I’ve already picked up  a candle and a chip though, I just couldn’t wait. I used to be superstitous about it but at 4 years I feel pretty confident I won’t relapse by having picked it up early. I think I’m going to pick it up early and often from now on, eff being shy, I’ve earned it!

So yeah, tune in tomorrow on http://www.newstalk1160.com/shows/weekend-hosts under Gus Cawley’s show “Technology Cafe” where I plug books4free.com. I didn’t get a word in edge wise about Hippopotamus Sea but I at least mentioned the website books4free.com twice. Maybe that’ll spike a few book sales, we shall see!

Merry Christmas everyone, and thank you all my AA family, I could never have done any of this without you!

-JB Smith

www.newstalk1160.com – Technology Cafe – Books4free.com Plug :)

Posted: December 23, 2010 in Uncategorized
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We’ll sneak em in wherever we can get em I suppose. 99% of the interview is regarding the new awesome product the publisher is representing PlumReward, I was able to sneak in a word or two about books4free.com, and get a very brief overview of the book in there. With 50,000 listeners to that radio show, hopefully, God willing, that will sell one or two curious books, I mean cmon, 50000 people right! Of course it is on Christmas and the day after at noon for an hour, which probably isn’t the best time on Earth to air a two second plug of a book, but still, a writer can dream.

Regardless, it was cool that Gus Cawley allowed us on the show and then further allowed him to even mention books4free.com when the nuts and bolts of the entire show was PlumReward, the brain child of Jonathan Goodyear, or the “Angry Coder”, Maverick renegade coder of Microsoft with MVP status who has bled sweat and poured his heart in PlumReward now for the last few years, and has an amazing product. It was more than good of Gus to let us pimp books4free.com for even just a second. Hopefully it will lead to more media as well.

I’m so exhausted, I had so much to blog about today, but after hearing about the radio show, picking up a 4 year candle, and hustling all over Atlanta today, I’m exhausted.

Happy Holidays if I forget to get back to it though!

Jared Bryan Smith

My mom would be appalled, but Books4free.com has the #1 Book on Amazon for Hep C

Posted: December 17, 2010 in Uncategorized
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Seriously, if there was any room in that coffin I’m sure she’d be turning in it. We were very much strategically brought up in the southern manor of giving off the appearance of normalcy, even if child abuse, domestic violence, and alcoholism was the prevailing wind inside the house, you’d better had a good cover story when you left the home front. Today, I am an open book, and proud of it. But boy would mama be upset that I’d made it to the top of the list of all Hep C book listed on Amazon. What a dreadful shame. I can literally hear her southern drawl “But JB why would you want people to know that about you.” Haha, because mom, I’m cured of it, and hopefully somebody somewhere will find solace and comfort in that fact. She would have had a hard time arguing that, as she was a good and decent christian woman, just a little preoccupied with social status and the appearance of the status quo. Ultimately the conversation would have ended with “Well, at least you had the good sense to use a pen name.”  haha….

That wasn’t my good sense, I would have much rather written it under my actual name, but through years of trial and error in following my own counsel I decided to allow my sponsor and attorney have their way with that one. The 11th tradition states of course that we must be anonymous in press, radio and films, and therefore I am, regardless of how many Glenn Blecks and the like out there aren’t. It’s difficult though, promoting a book under a pen name.

That being said, we are still well under the 100 books sold goal. Hovering around 50. I had hoped the funny ass cartoons about AA relationships would make people curious about the book but that too hasn’t generated too many book sales. Oh well, I am pretty happy with the new ranking under Hepatitis.

Thanks again for all the grassroots support people, making the number one slot on the Hepatitis C list on Amazon is a big deal even if it’s only taken 50 books to get there! Hope we stay at the top of the list for a while!

Thanks again and I hope everyone enjoys their Christmas!

-Jared Bryan Smith

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