Posts Tagged ‘Interferon’

Post Interferon – Post Celexa – Take 2 with Lamictal (Lamotrigine)

Posted: July 8, 2012 in Uncategorized
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Man oh man how nice it was when Celexa worked for so long in keeping the Post Interferon headaches at bay. And how disheartening when it simply stopped working about 5 months into treatment. So with my Doctors counsel I tried to first double the Celexa from 20 mg to 40 mg only to have my headaches increase in intensity almost immediately. But, since the Celexa had taken two weeks to feel somewhat positive to begin with I held on for two weeks suffering through an intense basically constant headache through the first two weeks of June, and then finally gave up on that increased dosage strategy, and went back to the 20 mg for a week, then down to 10 mg and then off for about a week, before beginning the next step in this process, to try lamictal. I had used it once a few years back and had some good luck with it however I’d stopped when laid off from my recruiting job, and losing my health insurance. The experiment of course was to try several different meds until I found one that worked, while I have the good health insurance, and before I take any major entrepreneurial risks. I just want to be fully operational, or even just find something that makes me fully functional and for a while Celexa worked, until it just didn’t. When I stopped taking the Celexa though, I was reminded of the original headaches I’d been taking it for to treat in the firstplace. I was hoping that conditions and variables had changed, or rather that my quitting drinking coffee was going to make the headaches disappear entirely and therefore make the headaches disappear, however this wasn’t the case. It was weird though, getting off Celexa, about as weird as getting on it was. I was out of sort, dizzy sometimes, and just not myself.

So Lamictal, originally suggested by my Neurologist a few years back takes about 2-3 weeks to get up to its full dosage and I’m only about 4 days into it but so far so good. First of all I didn’t have, or haven’t had any of the skin rashes they warn you about which is apparently the main reason you have to ease into it, but also I woke up with one of my headaches this morning and it was the kind that usually stays with me all freaking day, however after taking a few tylenol and going to the gym it was gone, and I’ve felt pretty good all day.

I am hopefully for Lamictal , but if it doesn’t work I’ll just try for six months like I did Celexa, then try something else. In the long run, I’ve now quit smoking cigarettes, and a full month off caffeine trying to get rid of headaches and there must be light at the end of the tunnel. The Celexa was good for a while, but it ended up just causing another kind of headache and also some seriously weird stomach issues that I was very very tired of. So maybe Lamictal will be better.

If not, theres still Lexapro and Wellbutrin to try out and if I get real desperate I guess I could even try Prozac…. I had really hoped quitting drinking coffee would do it… but hell, at least my teeth are whiter! 🙂

In other news, work is going great, even though I had to work through a massive headache in June, I have still managed to be over 120% of quota every month and therefore making some great money. I head to Cabo in a few weeks so that should be a blast and I’ll be sure to hit up some AA meetings while I’m down there. It will sort of be dangerous, I’ll be hanging with old friends who all drink and party still but I figure I’ll just go from the airport to the clubhouse that supposedly speaks English and then head to the hotel so I have an escape route at anytime. I’ll also have my cell phone at all times so shouldn’t be too tough , and the place looks like a dream come true, Barcelo. I deserve it, I’ve worked hard the last few months and taken care of a lot of debts.

Maybe I’ll come up with some new book ideas, the beach always does that to me!

Jared Bryan Smith

Post Interferon Syndrome vs Celexa 20 mg – 90 days in… thereabouts…

Posted: April 14, 2012 in Uncategorized
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Lets see, that has to be about right, maybe 60 days because I guess I started taking the Celexa at the end of January and now we are rounding mid april so probably 70 days or so. The great news is that I rarely have the major stop me from functioning headaches anymore, taking the pain level from an easy 8 or 9 to a most days nothing at all and when the headaches do return it is a mild 2 or 3, not the all encompassing pain I experience full well half my days for so many years Post TX. Is it the medicine, or perhaps just the amount of time now finally getting on close to 4 years post TX, I really can’t say but I’m too scared to try and stop taking the medicine. I’m much less manic, much more focused and consistent and I’ve been outperforming at work and doing well. Save a couple of emails from disgruntled cheap shot customers, lol, in one I called my VP of Sales the price Nazi and since he was out I could offer an incredible price and the stupid customer sent it to my boss, the little pain in my ass, I was called in and reprimanded. Since when is Nazi a bad word… Oh well, who cares, life goes on.

The major downside of Celexa I’ve noticed though is that I’m not as driven and or motivated if you will. I’ve written almost nothing, nothing in the blog, books, barely anything in my own personal journal. I do my job well enough, even put in the extra hours for fear of being laid off yet again in this fickle economy, but as far as extra curricular, the gym, the blog, the meetings, I have been barely getting by.. And the meetings. the thing that has literally held me together the last five years, well I will be honest, on Celexa, while I still go, I don’t really feel like I get as much out of the meetings as I used to, don’t feel as compelled to share, and don’t leave with the sense of accomplishment and well being that I used to… now it’s just a blah feeling… but no headaches. Hard to weigh the pros and cons. I mean I’m not going to stop taking Celexa, I simply can’t. But there is a lot to be said about losing the drive to write, work out, or go to meetings and be passionate….

Also peeing. Urinating and orgasms, now take effing forever. Sometimes I’ll have to pee really bad walk in the bathroom and sit there for five minutes just waiting and waiting… weird side effect. In addition my super regularity is gone, as you could have timed the stock market on my morning movement prior to Celexa, and now, who knows, sometimes its a few days, sometimes its daily, which is strange for me.

Are those symptoms things worth the headaches being gone? Hard to say. I guess I’ll keep on keeping on, grateful that I’m cured of Hep C and alcoholism, or daily reprieve or what have you, and just be glad that something, anything was able to treat the headaches at all… for if this thing treats them one way, perhaps Lexapro, or Wellbutrin will treat them another, and I owe it to myself to explore those ways as well. Hope is better than despair I suppose, and headaches for years was starting to get a bit desperate for sure.

I’m grateful I’ve found something, but am definitely open to the possibility that something else may treat them better, and this time at least it will be nice to know I can fall back on the Celexa, should the headaches return. Also I may as well use whats working for a while at least, or hell for economic reasons at least wait until Lexapro has a generic.

– Jared Bryan Smith

Headed To The Hurricane… Amelia Island, Family Vacation

Posted: August 25, 2011 in Uncategorized
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I used to not be invited on family vacations so I am grateful to be included, I just hope that Hurricane Irene stays off the coast of Georgia and we at least get a few days of sunshine.

It’s been a tough few days in my sobriety as I’ve dealt with being laid off for the 3rd time in 3 years, and it’s finally dawned on me that the reason I’d left my company, to join corporate America, was for job security. Oh the irony. I mean here I am looking at the last 3 layoffs where I’ve done relatively well, and in some cases better than most, and yet for one reason or another was let go, and lo and behold that premise of job security, no longer exists. So I’ve been brainstorming again about starting my old gig back up, corporate recruiting, or the headhunting game. Sure it’s a challenge with 9% unemployment, but hell, so is finding a job.

Had a few decent interviews this week but again, my redneck past always comes back to bite me in the ass. Bar fights and DUI’s however old, show up on background checks, even 10 years later, which incidentally is fucking bullshit, but whatever. The romantic notion of joining the Army too has lost a bit of luster, though I found I can join with my heart murmur, I can not do the job I really wanted to do which is Helicopter Pilot, so in essence, I could be a bullet stopper to I earn a security clearance to do something more exciting like Intelligence Analyst or even Medical route, eventually shooting for Doctor, but again, it’s a long hard road, and I’m not as sure about that as I was the idea of flying into hot lz’s… still the idea of carrying a gun and getting to fire it and getting paid for it, all while earning a tuition to college does appeal… I mean especially if economy takes another downward spiral. Especially, especially if that spiral quickens and the country’s problems go off a cliff, the Army is a safe place to stay employed, and i mean it’s still 20 years and a pension. It’s a lot to consider.

No matter what though, as always, I’ve found I’ve had my program to fall back on and guide me through the murky waters of indecision and the occasional thoughts of self-pity I’ve experienced while going through this transition. It’s crazy really, I never had these employment issues while drinking and drugging and I used to SMOKE ICE IN THE PARKING GARAGE WHILE WEARING A SUIT AND TIE! Haha, I mean fuck. I really thought my career would be the last of my worries in sobriety, and yet here I am. Still, I’d take this job insecurity over that monkey on my back any day of the week. And like yesterday, when I went to a meeting, listening to Paul, battling cancer, and homelessness, a man who was told he had weeks to live over 4 years ago, I don’t have that much to complain about. My self-pity is just pure selfishness. I have a perfectly healthy body, and my life has gotten better and better. Sure I don’t have the love of my life, or the career of my dreams or even a living situation that I’m comfortable with, but it sure as fuck beats what I came in the program with and all 12 committee voices in my head would have agreed.

So I’ll just keep on keeping on. Go to the beach and hope the hurricane stays offshore and pray that God guides me to the career in which I can serve him most usefully, whatever that may be. I also pray that all those I’ve met in the last 4 years or so who’ve gone back out, somehow make it back and survive the chaos and destruction of that terrible cycle. There have been so many good people over the years, and no matter what has happened, I hope they all make it back healthy and without too much more damage. Met a really cool guy who works in the movie industry in the last couple of weeks, and then as happens in our program, he just seems to have disappeared, and it really blows. So many talented people struggle with this beast, but I just have to remember, I didn’t get it my first time either.

The same God that got me sober is watching over us all, so I pray they all make it back. With God all things are possible! Wish me luck fishing during a hurricane!

-Jared Bryan Smith

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” Mahatma Gandhi

Posted: June 29, 2011 in Uncategorized
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Woke up feeling refreshed and recharged, better than I have in several days. Probably because I worked out a small feud with someone whom I really never had anything against to begin with, but whom I did repeat a nasty rumor I’d heard, thus inciting a grudge that lasted way longer than it should have, and had farther reaching ramifications than I could have ever imagined. We made amends to each other and damn if I don’t feel 10 times better for it for my part.

Reminded me of a christian value that I wish I had followed earlier, because it really did bring an instant peace and calm into my life as soon as we were done talking.

Matthew 18:15 “Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.”

Pretty moving stuff… and just a few sentences later:

Matthew 18:19 “I tell you that if two of you on Earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in Heaven. for where two or three come together in my name, there I am with them.”

Well that parable to me, sums up the magic of an AA meeting perfectly. For years I would try to get sober all by myself and never get more than 2 weeks, tops, and then my very first half ass try into AA, where two or more people are trying to accomplish the same goal, and lo and behold I was able to stay sober for a month… and that was without getting a sponsor or working any steps… The forgiveness thing, for me anyway, is more in the Masters / Phd realm of AA, as my anger, once up is really hard to get back down… but I don’t have to think my way into right action, I have to act my way into right thinking, and the act of forgiveness, humility and an open conversation with my brother in sobriety, brought about the forgiveness I wouldn’t have thought possible.

And even if you must discount the religious mumbo jumbo, I found science to back the claims as well, the positive affects of forgiveness transcend even religion, and stab deep into the heart of science as well.

“Dr. Robert Enright from the University of Wisconsin–Madison founded the International Forgiveness Institute and is considered the initiator of forgiveness studies. He developed a 20-Step Process Model of Forgiveness.[4] Recent work has focused on what kind of person is more likely to be forgiving. A longitudinal study showed that people who were generally more neurotic, angry and hostile in life were less likely to forgive another person even after a long time had passed. Specifically, these people were more likely to still avoid their transgressor and want to enact revenge upon them two and a half years after the transgression.[5]

Studies show that people who forgive are happier and healthier than those who hold resentments.[6] The first study to look at how forgiveness improves physical health discovered that when people think about forgiving an offender it leads to improved functioning in their cardiovascular and nervous systems.[7] Another study at the University of Wisconsin found the more forgiving people were, the less they suffered from a wide range of illnesses. The less forgiving people reported a greater number of health problems.” 

I am glad it is behind me, once and for all, I truly wish my brother in arms, traveler on Earth with the same disease of addiction as me, the best sobriety has to offer.

Jared Bryan Smith

Heart Warming Review of Hippopotamus Sea: My Viral Sobriety

Posted: June 16, 2011 in Uncategorized
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As most alcoholics, I am often childish, oversensitive, and grandiose.

I’ve spent a lot of time wondering if writing this book was even a good idea, and I constantly worry about the harm I’ve done in being so brutally honest about my life, and especially in my sobriety, but ultimately I always come back to if I’m honest,  I have nothing to fear. Even with that knowledge, I am often saddened by the misunderstandings I may have inadvertently caused, or complications my gut level honesty may have arisen. A friend of mine has a bumper sticker that reads “First do no harm.” Which is the beginning of the Hippocratic Oath, which Doctors take, but I take it personally almost every time I read it. I really never intended on ever hurting anyone, especially anyone I loved. But a lot of unexpected, uncharted things happen when you write a book, or when you write in general. It is not for the faint of heart. You open up a vein and bleed into a keyboard, then wait as everyone dissects and examines the blood telling you just what’s wrong with it all, just what blood borne diseases your carrying around and how it affects them somehow, who choose to read it. It is often times more pain that I would have imagined it would be. I’m not good at criticism, constructive or otherwise.

Occasionally I get a note that makes it all worth while though. A week or so  ago I heard from a friend that had cleared Hepatitis C as an early responder, and that was definitely one of those days. He had read my book, and so that was definitely uplifting, but this review that a perfect stranger left on the blog wall yesterday, is absolutely the best one I’ve received in a long time.

“I have read three books on recovery in the last 2 months. The other 2 by well known authors.

YOUR BOOK spoke to me.. The other 2 seemed like a lot of dribble.

After all their words maybe, just maybe… in the very end did they say anything  to me.

YOUR book touched my mind and my soul   from the very first sentence..

Thank you and please keep writing !! Your amazing.

cc golem ”

Thanks so much CC! I really do appreciate it. For all I’ve lost in writing this book, knowing that a few people have been moved by the story is enough to solidify leaving the book up.

In the process of self publishing I’ve learned a lot about the mechanics of the publishing industry. I am tormented by the thought of taking it all down and just walking away from it all. I think I am probably not the first writer to have these thoughts. I wonder if it’s a good idea for me to control the entire process. I know there are parts of the process that could be handled better by others. For instance, I feel bad pimping my own pain. Having a literary agent would help with that. I feel terrible publicizing the book title on my own in different forums, and after just a few negative comments from overposting, I stopped all together. Then I get bitter at the lack of commercial success, and wonder how many women I’ve known just in the last year who’ve been pushed away by the content or their misunderstanding of what it means to be cured of Hep C, and I wonder, should I just take it all down?

And then I get a decent review, and I remember, that I didn’t write it for glory, or vanity, but to help other struggling alcoholics, or better yet, specifically people facing the daunting challenged of Hepatitis C. There are more options than 4 years ago when I went through it, the pain and duration of Interferon has been cut in half using Telaprevir or Boceprevir Telaprevir, but of course as the pharmaceutical industry is apt to do, since it’s half the time, it’s twice the cost, and most of us suffering from Hepatitis C, weren’t exactly on the tail end of financial windfalls, so the odds can still seem insurmountable, I’m sure. But at every corner in my journey of sobriety, God was there, every step of the way, I knew what the right thing to do was, and I was rewarded every time I took the next right step. Today, at 4.5 years sober the next right thing is just leaving the book and the blog up, regardless of personal pain or loneliness it may cause.

The occasional reader finds inspiration and that must be why God so compelled me to write it.

Thanks again CC, I appreciate the kind words more than you know. Please do me a huge favor and leave the reviews on Smashwords as well, which the link can be found under the picture of the book. I have a ton of good ones on Amazon but Smashwords is a bit bare for reviews. Thanks again so much!

– Jared Bryan Smith

The creative habit is like a drug. The particular obsession changes, but the excitement, the thrill of your creation lasts. -Henry Moore

Posted: May 5, 2011 in Uncategorized
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The recovered drug addict/alcoholic such as myself, is apt to find that even without drugs and alcohol, he is still quite capable of obsessing over certain things. With 4.5 years of real sobriety now, I’ve obsessed over everything from WW2 strategy games, to my book Hippopotamus Sea which took three years to write and finish. The most dangerous of all obsessions, the female human being, is another matter indeed. The latter is by far the most thrilling and exciting chase, but also as it turns out the one with the highest stakes.

Recently I’ve been receiving odd mail, not hate mail, but definitely negatively barbed emails from a variety of sources, and one of them I found particularly amusing. Supposedly from a lady in NC, she said I “lose credibility” while writing about getting  over the girl I obsessed over recently and wrote about in the blog. Credibility to who? Who am I trying to be credible too exactly? I’m a recovered junkie for fucks sake. I quite openly admit I’m an ex addict, opiate, cocaine, alcoholic survivor with qualities of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, which I honestly believe MOST if  not ALL of us in recovery suffer from, so exactly how would writing about those symptoms make me less credible? Hmmm… it’s kind of like being written to in broken English and spelling errors in which the message says, “Your dum,” instead of the way it should be written: “You’re dumb.” Miss spellings and grammar issues aside, if you don’t understand why an addict would write about his obsessions, and how he intended on getting over them, go fuck yourself, or better yet, don’t read my blog.

Progress not perfection, and though yes, getting over the last was a challenge, I do believe I’ve learned many valuable lessons, and I assure you, the lessons being recorded, and timeless as the internet is, are more valuable than the so called credibility of one  naysayer who would prefer I bottle it all up, and or write it in a journal. Lol, the funny thing about that journal comment that was mentioned to me though, is that, I do also journal, every single night, in what is basically my tenth step work on a nightly basis. I began writing in this particular journal the day after me and said obsession split up the first time, so August of 2010. 2/3rds of that book is about the pain of loving someone who doesn’t love you back. Now to go from August to December beating your head against a wall is a long fucking time, but having that written history privately, and yeah, that shit is unpublishable is good, but writing about overcoming it here, is just as valuable. What I’ve written here, is humbling, humiliating, embarrassing even, but also good for me to have written, processed and published.

For one thing, in 20 some odd years of dating women, having only fallen for three or so in my life, this is the very first time I cut the cord, told the person to leave me alone, and to never contact me again no matter what and then actually stuck with it. That is progress not perfection. I did that in early January and I was right to do it. I could tell she was lying to me, and my gut instinct was right. Within a couple of months that would be proven right beyond a shadow of a doubt. Valuable lesson: always trust your gut.

Secondly, though it wasn’t all at once, the obsession did slowly begin to lift. Rob an obsession of it’s fuel, IE speaking to them, seeing them, etc. and just like with alcohol, drugs and nicotine that obsession will slowly lift, and you will slowly see through the obsession and into the truth of the matter. I wasn’t being loved, I was being used. My perception allowed me to see any relative act of kindness as love, but the reality, which all too many people in my network told  me, was that I was being played, and though I didn’t want to believe that, as I put time and space between me and the situation I slowly but surely began to see that.

Thirdly, praying and following my intuition about finding a Godly woman of the same faith as mine, opened up doors I could have never imagined. I began attending a good church and met a ton of good new people, and though it is different and not anything like my expectations, it is good, and it is where God wants me to be, just for today, which I can accept. The whole process has taught me a lot. The last woman I loved before this, Gwen Evere in the book, took my soul to a new depth of depravity and hell I thought would I never reach, and I feel like at 4.5 years sober this was another lesson, or even a test, and had I not cut the cord in January, I would have set myself up for even more pain and suffering than I had to go through anyway.

Removing the fire, or stopping seeing her, avoiding her, not talking to her, being disconnected from her in every way, really helped out. She added the final nails in the coffin in February when her ex came back on the scene, who was never far removed no matter what she had told the world, her friends or her family, and with finality she removed me from facebook. Funny that it stung, irritating to the pride and ego, I hadn’t spoken to her once, emailed, called or texted, but she felt it necessary to remove my facebook connection. That was a blessing too though. Her face had continued to pop up on that upper left hand corner, facebook prodding and laughing at me, it was good that she ended even that subtle communication. Good for me anyway. Valuable lesson: Cut ALL ties, including facebook, texting, email, EVERYTHING.

I continued praying for her, for her happiness, for her sobriety, and praying for the obsession to be removed, but it was still pretty intense.

“I do not think that obsession is funny or that not being able to stop one’s intensity is funny.” ~ Jim Dine

There were times in early to mid February that I was hurting pretty bad. God put some other things in my life that kept me sane. Church, work, and I dove into step-work to get out of myself, but I was still pretty angry.

Time takes times as we say though, and by early April, I finally felt like myself again.

Just like with sobriety, my serenity came piece meal, in waves, not all at once or all encompassing, but in bits and parts. I remember early on in sobriety I would get like one day of relief and then have a week of obsessing over drinking and drugging. Then I’d get two days and feel relieved, amazed even, but then experience a week or two even of obsession, but I would cling to that day or two of serenity, of peace, because it would be like proof, like the example of what I was striving for. And ultimately that is how getting over this woman was, it was the same process, I had to do it, no matter what, because just like active addiction, of alcohol or heroin, this emotional pain and distress was killing me, and I couldn’t go on with it, it hurt too fucking much. So I would take what little peace I had, cling to the idea that it was just a sample of the future peace and serenity I would get if I stuck to the path, and continued on my way, and sure enough, just like with drugs, alcohol and nicotine, my obsession slowly lifted.

Still, occasionally cravings would return. I hadn’t thought of her in two weeks easy and was coasting along beautifully, when she walked into my candlelight meeting to pick up her nine month candle, and fuck if that didn’t send my heart through my chest. I was mad at myself, mad at my inability to control my emotions, and mad at her, for looking at me like I was some kind of evil bastard. That glare was so powerful, I swear if looks could kill I’d have died on the spot. It was like being in early sobriety and walking into a room where everyone was smoking kind bud, drinking your favorite beer, and listening to your favorite music. All the lie was out to see, and none of the truth of your disease, that the addiction was out to kill you was hidden, just the beauty of it all, just the deception.

Time takes time though, and all I could do was be grateful that I’d had the brief reprieve I’d had, and hope that it would continue to get better and better.

It has, and finally, after five months, yesterday, I saw her best friend at a Starbucks and I could have sworn I saw her, sitting next to her, because all I could see was the top of her little blond head, and for the first time since January, my heart didn’t go through my chest. My blood pressure didn’t even change. I can honestly say I’m over the whole bullshit obsession. The funny thing too, I went to write that down in my journal last night, and it was the VERY last page of my journal, the book of pain is finally closed, completely and categorically. The emotions 100% tempered. I thought the entire time my roommate and I were in Starbucks that she was out in the parking lot with her friend and I had no desire to see her, speak to her, or even glance that direction. The funny thing is when we were leaving it turned out it wasn’t her at all but her friends kid, who is a blond, so it wasn’t even her, but regardless, the emotion was gone, cooled, controlled. Thank fucking God…finally.

Irritating that people read shit I posted months and months ago, or a poem that clearly states it was written months and months ago, and take it for my present state of mind. Or think that I give a shit what some stranger in NC thinks of my credibility, truly, I am brutally honest, I know this, I don’t seek or need or want your approval.

Getting over a woman completely and utterly in just less than five months, sure as fuck beats the 7 years or so it took for me to get over Gwen Evere. For me, it is huge progress. If I lose credibility with whomever the fuck reads the earlier postings as I was going through the obsession, oh fucking well. The idea of this blog is to be unique, original, and brutally honest. It is also supposed to help other men, not the women of AA, as I wouldn’t know the first thing about their emotions, nor do I suspect do they. My plan, though a day at a time, is to outlast my disease and die sober, and being that I’m 33 that will make for some pretty good, albeit intense, life lessons, that I will publish and make available to all those that are interested in how to face challenges and overcome them in the program. Every fucking guy I know in the program with real long term sobriety has faced woman issues, and more specifically, obsessions with them, and/or sex, so if I lose credibility by being honest, instead of acting like some fucking holier than thou guru, I really don’t give a shit. The only credibility I seek is that of being just another bozo on the bus, just another garden variety drunk, and I’m glad my writing still gets feedback and comments and all that shit, because it means people read it. In fact, we broke a record the other day with 1435 people reading the blog, so to the one jackass retard who thinks I lose creditability for being honest… blow me. Blow me enough and maybe you’ll be my new obsession, lol.

The very point of all of this is to live and learn, and if I fancy it all up and put lipstick all over the pig of my obsessions, it would have been a lie. I’m not unique in feeling obsessions over a woman in AA. Someone saying “Oh he’s obsessed” is fucking comical. If you aren’t obsessed with something in recovery at some point, you’re a sociopath, or most likely, just a fucking hypocrite. Remember, whenever you point the finger their are four coming back at you. For me, it is amazing progress for me to have first cut the cord on the obsession, and second stuck with it until it was 100% totally gone. I’ve written it in here as a record of how I did it so that someone else may learn from the experience and hopefully apply the same lessons. If you believe you are better than the VERY common symptoms of alcoholics around the globe, well good for you and God bless your little heart, I hope you stay holier than thou for as long as you can, because if you don’t have the humility to relate to what I’m writing about, you will very probably experience some of the same exact turmoil. Lets hope that you can get through them as successfully as I have, because love me or hate me, I’ve accomplished quite a bit when it comes to sobriety, including, getting over the urge to drink and drug, finishing a year of Interferon, defeating Hep C, losing 50 lbs, quitting smoking, running half marathons and more. You may not like me, but you may just find we have more in common than we do apart.

We are all sick people trying to get better, and the only reason I write this is to try and help others, just as others have helped me.

Thank you God for giving me the strength to persevere, and overcome ALL my obsessions. At 4.5 years sober, I’m still just as capable of obsessing as I was when I came in, but having gone through this last year, I now know that there is NOTHING on God’s green Earth that I can’t get over, given enough time, patience, and endurance. I truly have faith that ultimately you have a good plan worked out for me better than any that I could possibly imagine. God’s will not mine be done… And thanks for the Osama kill, we needed some good news.  ; )

-Jared Bryan Smith

“…every atom in your body was once a part of a star.” – Andrew Niccol

Posted: April 9, 2011 in Uncategorized
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‎…and the atoms in your right hand are from different stars than the atoms in your left hand, different galaxies throughout your entire body even. Einstein said “Time only exists so everything doesn’t happen all at once.” Haha…awesome.

There is quite obviously to me, an underlying force in the universe today, and always, bigger than I could have ever imagined. So get busy living or get busy dying. The magical mysteries of this world are fucking amazing. Coincidence upon coincidence, fate bumps into serendipity and my life, in sobriety, just gets better and better every fucking day.

A couple of weekends ago I took my son up to Chattanooga to go fishing with my brother, his uncle. My brother and I got to talking about women, and he’s dating a 21 year old blond dutch women whose smoking hot, and he says to me, “And Bryan, guess what it is we have in common.” I look at him and without flinching and say “Both your fathers killed themselves.” He said, “How the hell did you know that?” I have no fucking idea. From our Big Book, … “for nature and God alike abhor suicide.” Drinking and drugging it slowly to death or the one drastic action all at once, nature and God alike abhor it. Maybe my spirit just knew it was that terrible of an act from the tone of voice he used, maybe God gave me the forewarning thought. Perhaps, string theory really exists and our thoughts are all connected on strands of physical wavelengths we just haven’t proven yet and as someone near me has a thought we all share it. Maybe therein lies the strength of the program, that my thoughts of not drinking plus your thoughts of not drinking, plus the string attaching us, or the bond connecting us make us stronger, hell maybe the bond, is all the REAL strength their really is. And so 1 + 1 = 3 . God knows I couldn’t quit on my own, and God knows it was a breeze once I finally surrendered and did what I was told, made 90 in 90, got a sponsor and did the work. I don’t know what makes that telepathic magic. What makes ESP happen from time to time, or hell even what makes me yawn after someone near me does, even if I don’t see them do  it. But it happens and because it happens, even now in my sober life, at 4.4 years sober I’m just as big a faithful believer in magic as I was when I came in. Later that day, a few weeks back, it was the biggest full moon in something like 18 years. I was cooking steaks for my brother and son who were inside my brothers house watching television and I remembered about the moon. Instinctively I knew I wanted to look up and see the moon, but it was too early for it to come up, but still I found myself staring at exactly the spot on the horizon in which the moon would rise in just an hour or so, despite ever having seen a moonrise or a sunrise from Chattanooga, and most especially from his property. How could I have known where the moon was going to rise? I don’t know but I did. This is a world of magic, God’s wonders aren’t a tenth explained, and I’m so grateful to be a part of it all. God is good, and I’m alive to enjoy all this magic, simple as it may seem, that gratitude has kept me on a high for weeks, and it ain’t no pink cloud, it’s just the realization that the same amazing miraculous God who removed the urge to drink and drug from me, and then cured me of Hepatitis C, and then just as easily removed the urge to smoke cigarettes, polluting the most come involuntary human reflex we have, that of breathing, that same God, is in me, and I’m a part of, and he loves me, and through him ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE. I mean, this may sound over the top, but this realization as of late, having had the latest obsession, the latest lust cloud my mind for so long, and finally exhaled out, has been huge. This world, indeed this universe, and everything in it, including myself is nothing short of a miracle, and God’s will is good, and I’m so thankful that I continue to grow.

In the rooms of AA we hear people whine about complacency, about the “pink cloud” or how hard it is at 9 months I remember being the first major roadblock people groaned of. Then two years, then 4, then 5 and 6, and you hear people bitch about the difficulties of reaching 10 years, and man, the more I’m in the rooms the more I realize, MOST OF THESE PEOPLE ARE NEGATIVE THINKING NUTCASES. For me, and not just me, but for a select few people I know, the program gets EASIER AND EASIER. My life continues to get better and better. Sure there are speed bumps and challenges, getting over this last woman and dealing with letting go is a perfect example, but once again, inevitably, pain is the touchstone to growth, and I feel better, more complete, more free than I did before I went through the entire process with her or the last one. I just keep learning, and I just keep becoming more and more complete, more and more confident in God’s will for me, less and less concerned with my little plans and designs, and just overwhelmingly trusting in the process, and the fact that God’s ultimate will has my best interests at heart. That he could very well end me up on a beach surfing somewhere, occasionally teaching the word of God, or leading meetings or something just amazing, and better than I could ever have planned, and maybe that doesn’t even involve a woman, and if not, so be it. In the course of my history women haven’t brought me a whole lot of serenity, and it’s kind of nice and freeing to not have and more importantly, finally, not need one around. It’s almost like quitting smoking or drinking, lol. And maybe one day the right one will come along, and I’m open to that, but in the meantime, the fact that my life in Alcoholics Anonymous continues to get better and better, reminds me that all the nay sayers and whiney bitches in AA that barely ever make meetings then come in and dump their shit on everyone that it’s sooooo hard now the pink cloud is gone, just aren’t growing spiritually. They probably never got off their fucking meds. They probably never worked any steps, they have probably never made an amends, never grown, never done a consistent 10 step every night for years on end. This program of AA is a fucking non stop miracle, and my life continues to get better and better. There is one guy who taught me that the “Pink Cloud” doesn’t have to end, a Christian man and I still look up to him and am grateful that for all the average spirituality going around in the rooms, there are still men who almost tear up in joy every time they share, grateful as I am to be alive, to not be craving a drink or a drug anymore, and to know that God is incredible, awesome, and now, fully, on our side, and entirely capable of miracles.

I believe this is probably the case of the modern marriage as well. That the Pink Cloud never has to end. Neither does the honeymoon. I don’t know this, I drove my marriage into the ground and I haven’t had a real relationship last longer than a month in sobriety, so admittedly it’s sheer speculation, but just as the whiney negative bitches in AA override the majority and put the fear that the latter years in recovery are a struggle, so too I bet are the voices of married couples, focused on the negative, grass is always greener in someone else’s yard defeatist majority out there. Who can blame them, with the Judeo Christian ideals of marriage, God and commitment constantly mocked, with lust used to sell everything from Swiffer picker uppers to deodorant none of us really need, there is enough temptation and media to make the most beautiful couples feel complacent and ordinary. I’d bet though, just like with the program of AA, that I have to work every day to stay in the middle of the bed with, but when I do pays off with results and dividends like I’ve never experienced before in my entire life, a constant endorphin buzz, I bet a real relationship, a real marriage and honeymoon can be the same. With a little work, gratitude, and appreciation can be the essence of magic, can be the elixer of heaven, that a real Godly relationship can be the most awesome expression of God and of love here on Earth that you have ever experienced and that it can stay fresh, and new and grateful, and that with that kind of Godly love, that kind of appreciation of each other and of your creator, you can accomplish any of the tasks or goals God puts before you. I was never so motivated in my life as when I was 18, married, with a new son and a goal to buy us a house and by God, I became the number one salesman of a billion dollar corporation so I know what power God can give you through  the magic of love, through the motivation of his gifts, but I simply didn’t have a clue as to the source or the magnitude of that power early on in my life. I bet now, sober, ten plus years later I  would grasp it, hold on to it, and never let go. And I bet, just like the pink cloud, the honeymoon would never end, and I would love my wife, and serve God until my dying day, and despite whatever speed bumps we might come across I would know to be grateful, and that like everything else, they were just a part of the journey, and that God never put anything before me he didn’t also match in strength for me to overcome. God is good, and I’m simply grateful to be exactly where I’m at, more appreciative that I’ve ever been and ready for the next leg of the journey. As an addict  I was always sinking, but sober,  complete and whole, every experience teaches me something, and I grow more and more complete with each challenge. So then, even the most arduous bullshit, is a blessing in the long run, which actually makes all of life exciting, even the shitty parts!

Thanks for reading this blog post, and for more on my life, my journey through recovery, alcoholism, cocaine, opiate and pharmaceutical addictions as well as my overcoming Hepatitis C, Interferon and sheer madness and insanity here in sprawling suburbs of Atlanta, please read my book 100% free at http://www.books4free.com, on smashwords, or of course on Amazon! Please also leave a review and thanks again for your support!

-Jared Bryan Smith

“A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.” – Mark Twain

Posted: April 3, 2011 in Uncategorized
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What an amazing day here in sunny Atlanta, after 6 straight days of cloudy gloomy cover, it was great to tell my story at the 11:30 and hang out with a newcomer friend of mine in the rooms, and talk to him about sobriety about life and about the amazing gift of sobriety.

The first principle of the very first step is honesty. We must at least begin to be honest or we will drink again. If I’m not honest about my 1st Step then there is no hope at all for me what so ever. Fortunately for me, in writing out my first step, or all the negative consequences of drinking and drugging, written out was roughly ten plus pages. It was a glaring admission of powerlessness, and when I was really honest, it showed I was also capable of being a thief, a liar, and adulterer, and worse. All things I’d sworn I’d never be. But the disease of addiction twists and warps our thinking, and one lie turns into ten and ten into a thousand. An honest man is often times called a liar by other men, and only the honest man can say, I really am a liar. Because we all are. But in your heart, one always knows the truth.

And God, God knows the heart of every man woman and child on Earth, before your thoughts are your own God knows them, and he knows your every move before you make them. But more importantly God knows your heart. Are you good? Do you wish good of others, are you hopeful for good for others, or are you mean spirited, vengeful, spiteful, angry and petty? Is yours a heart of love or a heart of hate?

When I came into the rooms of alcoholics anonymous it felt like a switch had been turned in my head. That every thought I had was sick, dark or evil in some way shape or form. It felt like hell. I knew I had to change my thinking some way, some how. My sponsor said “You can’t think your way into right acting, but you can act your way into right thinking.” Or in other words, act as if. Even though all I wanted to do was drink and drug, DONT FUCKING DO IT NO MATTER WHAT, act as if the thoughts had already left me, and eventually they had. But they wouldn’t have if I’d acted on them. Eventually those thoughts did go from bad to good, and I don’t spend my days obsessing over dark things, or my mind go to the worst possible scenario at all times, for no reason. I really have had a spiritual awakening, and I’m grateful as I can be about it.

But I had to work for it. I had to be HONEST in all my dealings, in all my communication, with my sponsor, my peers, my friends, my family, everyone. The truth will always come out, one way or another it always has a way of making itself truly known.

Nobody on Earth is above the human condition, but if you can not grasp the first principle of the very first step, honesty, you are not going to make it very far in the program, no matter how much bullshit you spin. Honesty is crucial, there is no work around, and it applies to every move in the program from your stepwork to your relationships, to your communication with a higher power. Ultimately it comes back to buying and selling your own bullshit. If your mind is still manufacturing bullshit on one side, while the other side is buying it, then you aren’t going to be able to win that battle when the urges and cravings come to call and the voices in your head start getting louder and louder.

I have truly fucked up a lot of stuff in the program, but as my book will attest to, I am brutally honest. To a fault for fucks sake, hell I make fun of my own dick size in juvenile pirson I’m so fucking honest, and for a man, that is a big deal, hahahaha…

I digress… for the record that was from age 13-16, and I was a late bloomer… in fact, I’m still blooming… I’m getting older so I’m counting the sag, lol…

Life is good now, I’m 4.3 years sober or there abouts, I’m Hep C free, I’m saved, I’m in the best shape of my life, and I am honest with my sponsor, my family, and everyone I know, my entire life is quite honestly an open book. It’s the only way I know for an alcoholic, addict like myself to be free.

I honestly probably do spend a little too much time on facebook, and I could quit eating so many damn speckled eggs, but for the most part, my character defects are in check most days. That doesn’t mean I can’t be insensitive though, I am only a human being after all.

Thanks for everyone who came to the 11:30 this morning, it was one of my favorite times sharing my story ever. I didn’t expect to choke up crying when thinking about my father, but I guess we should remember the fallen to this disease from time to time, they weren’t always as bad as they were in those last few years, and I miss him very much.

Thanks again for the support, and hope everyone has an amazing weekend, I am eternally grateful for my AA family, and I hope the hand of AA is always what I give the impression of giving to the world, I never do mean any harm, but sometimes bridges get burned even with good intentions. I’m thick headed sometimes so if I said anything to offend anyone at that meeting, or talk too much about drugs, or drop too many eff bombs I do apologize, it’s just how I talk.

-JB Smith

Comprehensive List of Celebrities with Hepatitis C : My personal fav, Linda Lovelace, awww yeah, haha…

Posted: March 19, 2011 in Uncategorized
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Country music icon Naomi Judd opens up about being diagnosed with hepatitis C.

For more information, visit http://www.thedoctorstv.com/

Several public figures suffer from hepatitis C and some have died. Celebrities with hepatitis C, according to news reports:

• Gregg Allman Rock musician and founding member of The Allman Brothers Band

• Pamela Anderson: She is perhaps the best-known hepatitis C patient, if only because the former Baywatch star has such a flair for publicity. Her revelation last year that she had the disease prompted innumerable news stories.

• Keith Richards–Guitarist/singer/songwriter/producer and founding member of the Rolling Stones. He claims that due to the strength of his immune system he beat hepatitis C by leaving his body to deal with it

• Ray Benson–Front man of the Austin Western swing band Asleep at the Wheel. Benson chose to treat his hepatitis C with Eastern medicine.

• Steven Tyler–Musician and songwriter in the rock band Aerosmith. In September 2006, he announced that he had been diagnosed three years previous and had just completed eleven months of treatment with interferon.

• Natalie Cole–Singer and daughter of Nat King Cole. She was diagnosed in mid-2008 during a routine examination.

• Willy DeVille One of the founders of the band Mink DeVille and a pioneer in punk rock. He was diagnosed with hepatitis C in February 2009 and was found to have pancreatic cancer during the course of his treatment

• Anthony Kiedis–American vocalist/lyricist of the rock band Red Hot Chili Peppers. He contracted Hepatitis C from regular intravenous drug use in the early 1990s and claims he was cured of the Hep C virus by Ozone therapy

• Naomi Judd: The former nurse and country singer has been one of the best-known hep C celebrities. She retired from the Judds, the duo with daughter Wynonna, in 1991. But she has since undergone treatment and become more active.

• Dusty Hill: The band ZZ Top stopped touring in 2000 because the bassist had hepatitis C. The band began touring again in 2002.

• Evel Knievel: The motorcycle daredevil had a liver transplant more than two years ago and later said doctors could find no trace of the virus in his blood.

• Chuck Negron: He’s the former lead singer on such Three Dog Night classics as “Joy to the World.”

• Larry Hagman: The television actor required a liver transplant in 1995.

• Phil Lesh: One of the founding members of the Grateful Dead, the bass player received a liver transplant several years ago.

• “Superstar” Billy Graham: The former WWF wrestling champion got a liver transplant last year. He thought he contracted the virus by being bled on during wrestling matches years ago.

• David Crosby: The rock star with a fabled history of drug abuse is touring again after receiving a liver transplant in 1995.

• Freddy Fender: The singer of such ’70s hits as “Wasted Days and Wasted Nights” suffers from several health problems, including hepatitis C.

• Jack Kevorkian: The retired pathologist, now serving a prison term for killing a man who had Lou Gehrig’s disease, has hepatitis C, his lawyer says.

• Laurie Bembenek: The former Playboy bunny, whose conviction in a Milwaukee murder and later escape are chronicled in the book Run, Bambi, Run, is free now but suffers from hepatitis C.

• Rolf Benirschke: The former star kicker for the San Diego Chargers got the virus from a transfusion two decades ago. He has used his sports status to raise awareness about the disease.

• Linda Lovelace: The star of the 1972 porn film “Deep Throat” contracted the virus from a transfusion and had a liver transplant in 1987. She died in 2002 at age 53 after a car crash.

• Willie Dixon: The legendary bluesman was diagnosed with hepatitis C shortly before his death in 1992. He contracted the virus from transfusions in 1987.

• Alejandro Escovedo–Musician specializing in roots rock/alternative country, diagnosed in April 2003.

• Mickey Mantle: The baseball great is thought to have contracted hepatitis C during a transfusion for a knee operation. He died of liver cancer in 1995.

• Stormie Jones: The 13-year-old died in 1990 six years after becoming the first person in the world to receive heart and liver transplants in a single operation. Hepatitis C damaged that liver, though, and before she died she received a second liver and treatment for the virus.

• Ken Kesey: The author of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, who died of liver cancer in 2001, suffered from hepatitis C.

• James Earl Ray: The confessed assassin of Martin Luther King Jr. died in 1998 of liver disease after being infected with hepatitis C, probably in a 1981 blood transfusion he received after a prison stabbing.

• Allen Ginsberg: The poet laureate of the Beat Generation died in 1997 after battling hepatitis C for many years. He had terminal liver cancer.

• Lance Loud: The free-spirited son on public television’s “An American Family” in 1971, he died in 2001 of liver failure caused by hepatitis C and HIV.

• Frank Reynolds: Experts speculated at the time that the newsman’s death in 1983 was hastened by the virus later known as hepatitis C, which he may have contracted through a transfusion.

• Benito Mussolini: Did Il Duce, the World War II Italian dictator, have the disease? A new biography speculates that his chronic health problems — stomach pain, fatigue and depression — stemmed from an ulcer and a mild case of hepatitis C.

• Chet Helms Music producer who helped create the vibrant San Francisco rock music scene in the 1960s. He was undergoing interferon treatment for hepatitis C when he suffered a stroke

• Phil Lesh Founding member and bass guitarist of the rock band Grateful Dead. He was diagnosed with hepatitis C in 1992 and received a liver transplant in 1998.

• David Marks Early member of The Beach Boys, who believes that he contracted the disease through drug use. He campaigns to raise awareness, supporting the UK National Health Service’s “FaCe It” campaign.

• Tawn Mastrey Disc jockey who was the voice of 1980s heavy-metal scene in Los Angeles. She contracted hepatitis C when she was a child.

• Kenny Neal New Orleans blues and swamp blues guitar player. He took a year off from performing while receiving treatment and returned to the Monterey Blues Festival in 2007.

• Chuck Negron Vocalist and founding member of Three Dog Night. He contracted hepatitis C due to “the long-lasting effects of drug use and alcoholism”.

• Gary S. Paxton Bakersfield country and gospel music artist. He contracted hepatitis C through several blood transfusions and almost died from the disease in 1990.

• Curtis Salgado Blues, R&B, and soul singer-songwriter-musician. Developed cirrhosis and liver cancer because of hepatitis C. Six benefit concerts were held in 2006 to raise money for his medical bills

• Tony Scalzo Rock musician and songwriter, best known as a founding member of the band Fastball.

• Uncle John Turner Blues musician and one of the founders of the blues-rock style of drumming

• Randy Turner Lead singer for the seminal hardcore punk band Big Boys.

• Christopher Lawford Nephew of John F. Kennedy, best known for his role as Charlie Brent on the soap opera All My Children in the early 1990s. He was diagnosed with hepatitis C in 2001

• Natasha Lyonne Best known for her roles in the first two American Pie films

•Anita Pallenberg –Italian-born model, actress and fashion designer. Also known as the great influence on the development and presentation of the Rolling Stones from the late 1960s and through the 1970s

• Ken Watanabe Japanese actor best known for his role in The Last Samurai. He contracted hepatitis C from a blood transfusion when he was receiving treatment for acute myeloid leukemia

• Stanley Fafara Child actor who played “Whitey” on Leave it to Beaver. He contracted hepatitis C from intravenous drug use

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_people_with_hepatitis_C

Living Sober – Exercise, Insomnia, AA, Dr. Amen and Chemical Imbalances (SPECT Scans)

Posted: March 14, 2011 in Uncategorized
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In 2008 I had just finished over a year of grueling, miserable Interferon Treatment which cured my Hep C, but which was hell. Even after quitting the Interferon I continued to suffer extreme headaches and it felt like some days I was better off while on Interferon. All you can do at that point though is just power through and hope for the best. For me that meant praying the treatment would be successful and it hadn’t all been in vain. For me, it was worth it, I was cured of Hep C, but for far too many, or roughly 50% of the people who do the year-long Interferon treatment, they don’t get cured and still must suffer all the long-term horrific side effects that the scientific, or maybe just the pharmaceutical community downplay so effectively here in the states. I’m lucky because at least my constant headaches, aches and pains mean I am at least cured of Hepatitis C. But in that first month when I wasn’t quite sure yet, since they must let you be off the Interferon for six months before they will pronounce you “cured”, I just had to wait, suffer and wonder. During that time I saw a PBS show that covered the science of the brain.

Dr. Daniel Amen as it turns out was using a new technique to study the brain, and I found it absolutely fascinating, primarily because I was facing so many changes in my own mind, having suffered from the disease of addiction and alcoholism, literally losing my mind, and then in 2008 at roughly 1.5 years sober, recovering from a year-long assault on my mind in the form of Interferon, in the name of curing Hep C. Some of the things his scans showed, called SPECT Scans, were freaking amazing. Mainly that the alcoholic brain in the SPECT scans looked empty and riddled with holes for roughly 12 months after the alcoholic quit drinking! That it took over a year for the alcoholic mind to get back to normal blew my mind, but it made perfect sense. Also he had data showing clearly worse recovery rates of the brain of people who used harder drugs like methamphetamine’s, Cocaine and LSD (lucky me). To me, this looked like conclusive evidence, and the only data I’d ever really seen portrayed as efficiently. Having gotten sober myself, and thinking, hell after 30 days, or 90 days I should be just fine, be right back to normal, and that obviously not happening, I was very glad to see hard data showing that it took longer than I had expected to return to a state of normalcy, and furthermore he had done even more research into the mind, and even delved into looking at the Pharmaceutical Industry’s cure alls, anti depressants, ADHD medication, and even anti anxiety medication. This guy had really done his research with thousands of patients, and the data he shared on the PBS special I was watching was mind-blowing. For one thing I fully expected him to endorse all the meds out there thrown to the American populus but in fact his data refuted it.

I don’t have the charts or the graphs he used in front of me, but let me just give you the gist, and if you’re in a similar situation as I was back then, at least do yourself the favor of researching Dr. Amen’s data yourself, as I include a link at the bottom of this blog.

As I was recovering from a year long fight with Interferon, depression, and roughly 20 years of addiction and suffering from terrible bouts of sadness and more acutely headaches, getting on antidepressants or medications was a serious consideration. The only thing holding me back from it was the experience I’d had with it just before I began Inteferon which was that when I began taking Wellbutrin my cravings to drink and drug went through the roof. As my sponsor told me it was disconnecting me from the spirit, just like a drink or a drug would do. But still I was suffering so I was still considering trying the softer easier way of medications again, especially now that I had over a year sober. I wasn’t making the decision lightly though, and watching this special ultimately made me try exercise instead. As I remember the presentation, what he basically said was that, yes, you could get temporary results against depression and ADHD from medicines but the chart basically showed that like with any drug, to continue experiencing the favored results you would need to continue increasing your dosage, and also you would experience side effects that came along with the drugs, and as you increased your dosage, you would increase you side effects. One of the major side effects being sexual. Well, sorry folks, but fuck that. I like my sexual prowess to remain unaffected, haha. That basically sealed the deal for me but he continued, showing the same chart of moods, but instead of countering them with medicines and pharmaceuticals, countering them with an exercise regimen, that also increased along as your body became more and more capable of handling the work out. The data was spellbinding to me. Basically, the mood stabilizations were equal if not greater than that of the same patients using medicines, except that sexual side effects weren’t experienced, in fact quite the opposite, sex became more enjoyable in my case once I got in shape, and also exercise is free, as well as you didn’t have the other side effects of dry mouth, nausea, etc. and more importantly, you weren’t becoming dependent on chemicals. The effects of exercise long-term, were more effective at creating the natural chemicals in your mind that ultimately make you feel better.

And to back it all up he shared brain scans of different patients using the two different methods, of exercise vs chemical dependency, because that’s what anti depressants become, even if they are prescribed by Doctors, and low and behold the patients with just exercise mind’s were much better in those scans a year later than those who were relying on pharmaceuticals. And yet people still choose the softer easier way and come into the rooms of AA overloaded with prescriptions and anti anxiety medicines, and ultimately, if they make it and that’s a big if, they’ve just switched dependencies.

I’m not a Dr. and AA doesn’t have an opinion on medications, but the data Dr. Amen showed was clear and I’m glad I saw it. Please check out the scans at the link below and I’ll also add his blog to my blogroll as it is fascinating information. And yes I am fully aware of his critics and those that discredit those SPECT scans, but the arguments seem to me much like telling Columbus the world was flat. People on the forefront of technology are constantly getting attacked, and also, for someone so blatantly talking about the ineffectiveness of the pharmaceutical industries cure alls that are over prescribed wish lists of symptom treaters, I would expect nothing less than a full on counter attack. Fuck em the data makes sense to me because I lived it.

Based on his data and the show’s I’ve since incorporated exercise into my program of recovery, and it makes a HUGE difference. If I don’t work out even just for a couple of days, I become prone to depression, and thoughts, although they pass quickly, of the chronic “Fuck It’s” we in recover are prone to. Nothing like the obsession of early recovery mind you, as I am free of that obsession, thank God, but still, if I don’t work out, I definitely can feel a difference. And again, my experience with meds was that they made me feel less connected, where as working out, I experience endorphin rushes, runners high, and after wards often feel as good as having just had sex… well maybe not that good, but closer than I ever have with the meds I’ve flirted with in recovery. Bottom line, though our literature only mentions exercise in one book, “Living Sober” it sure as hell has made a huge difference in my recovery, and I wish we had more studies regarding it’s long term positive effects, versus that of prescribed medications because though Dr. Amen’s data was conclusive to me, there is still a lot of debate out there, and I’d love to see the issue settled, with hard conclusive facts.

I would really also love for Dr. Amen to do a specific study of the brain effects, before and afterwards of both Chemo and interferon patients, and maybe he has and I just haven’t seen it. Because the scientific community claims it doesn’t affect the brain but I’m here to tell you there are long term ramifications to interferon, I can no longer do math in my head, remember names as well, and more and though they may not be able to prove it through blood work, I wonder if Dr. Amen’s scans show a difference.

Oh the other thing I definitely wanted to mention, and if you’ve ever spent ANY amount of time in the rooms of AA or NA this is something you constantly hear, “but I’m an insomniac, or I have trouble sleeping.” Exercise is the BEST way on Earth to counter insomnia. Nobody, and I mean nobody on Earth goes through boot camp, and can’t fall asleep at night! Yesterday I ran 13 miles in two hours, and guess what, I slept like a baby. If you have trouble sleeping, before you go get nyquil, or good forbid prescription meds to go to sleep, incorporate exercise. Those chemicals are mood changers and I’ve taken them and know for a fact they change the way you feel that night, but also for the day or two following, and we are too sensitive to be flirting with that kind of disaster. If you have bad knees and can’t run, join a gym and swim. The human body spent hundreds of thousands of years wallking, running and exercising on a daily basis and evolution hasn’t caught up to the fact that we no longer use our bodies for survival and therefore all of us generally have pent up energy at the end of our days. Add to that scientific fact, the fact that we made ourselves pass out to go to sleep for years on end, and OF COURSE YOU HAVE TROUBLE GOING TO SLEEP, we all did early on, and I’m here to tell you, simply add exercise daily to your life, and you will find you no longer have a problem sleeping. Even if you just start out by walking a mile or two a day, start some where, this is scientific fact… and if you’re around me, and don’t work out, don’t whine about not being able to sleep. It’s simple cause and effect. And it’s really simple, as Nike says: Just do it!

http://www.amenclinics.com/brain-science/spect-image-gallery/

– Jared Bryan Smith

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