Posts Tagged ‘Hepatitis C Blog’

“…every atom in your body was once a part of a star.” – Andrew Niccol

Posted: April 9, 2011 in Uncategorized
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‎…and the atoms in your right hand are from different stars than the atoms in your left hand, different galaxies throughout your entire body even. Einstein said “Time only exists so everything doesn’t happen all at once.” Haha…awesome.

There is quite obviously to me, an underlying force in the universe today, and always, bigger than I could have ever imagined. So get busy living or get busy dying. The magical mysteries of this world are fucking amazing. Coincidence upon coincidence, fate bumps into serendipity and my life, in sobriety, just gets better and better every fucking day.

A couple of weekends ago I took my son up to Chattanooga to go fishing with my brother, his uncle. My brother and I got to talking about women, and he’s dating a 21 year old blond dutch women whose smoking hot, and he says to me, “And Bryan, guess what it is we have in common.” I look at him and without flinching and say “Both your fathers killed themselves.” He said, “How the hell did you know that?” I have no fucking idea. From our Big Book, … “for nature and God alike abhor suicide.” Drinking and drugging it slowly to death or the one drastic action all at once, nature and God alike abhor it. Maybe my spirit just knew it was that terrible of an act from the tone of voice he used, maybe God gave me the forewarning thought. Perhaps, string theory really exists and our thoughts are all connected on strands of physical wavelengths we just haven’t proven yet and as someone near me has a thought we all share it. Maybe therein lies the strength of the program, that my thoughts of not drinking plus your thoughts of not drinking, plus the string attaching us, or the bond connecting us make us stronger, hell maybe the bond, is all the REAL strength their really is. And so 1 + 1 = 3 . God knows I couldn’t quit on my own, and God knows it was a breeze once I finally surrendered and did what I was told, made 90 in 90, got a sponsor and did the work. I don’t know what makes that telepathic magic. What makes ESP happen from time to time, or hell even what makes me yawn after someone near me does, even if I don’t see them do  it. But it happens and because it happens, even now in my sober life, at 4.4 years sober I’m just as big a faithful believer in magic as I was when I came in. Later that day, a few weeks back, it was the biggest full moon in something like 18 years. I was cooking steaks for my brother and son who were inside my brothers house watching television and I remembered about the moon. Instinctively I knew I wanted to look up and see the moon, but it was too early for it to come up, but still I found myself staring at exactly the spot on the horizon in which the moon would rise in just an hour or so, despite ever having seen a moonrise or a sunrise from Chattanooga, and most especially from his property. How could I have known where the moon was going to rise? I don’t know but I did. This is a world of magic, God’s wonders aren’t a tenth explained, and I’m so grateful to be a part of it all. God is good, and I’m alive to enjoy all this magic, simple as it may seem, that gratitude has kept me on a high for weeks, and it ain’t no pink cloud, it’s just the realization that the same amazing miraculous God who removed the urge to drink and drug from me, and then cured me of Hepatitis C, and then just as easily removed the urge to smoke cigarettes, polluting the most come involuntary human reflex we have, that of breathing, that same God, is in me, and I’m a part of, and he loves me, and through him ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE. I mean, this may sound over the top, but this realization as of late, having had the latest obsession, the latest lust cloud my mind for so long, and finally exhaled out, has been huge. This world, indeed this universe, and everything in it, including myself is nothing short of a miracle, and God’s will is good, and I’m so thankful that I continue to grow.

In the rooms of AA we hear people whine about complacency, about the “pink cloud” or how hard it is at 9 months I remember being the first major roadblock people groaned of. Then two years, then 4, then 5 and 6, and you hear people bitch about the difficulties of reaching 10 years, and man, the more I’m in the rooms the more I realize, MOST OF THESE PEOPLE ARE NEGATIVE THINKING NUTCASES. For me, and not just me, but for a select few people I know, the program gets EASIER AND EASIER. My life continues to get better and better. Sure there are speed bumps and challenges, getting over this last woman and dealing with letting go is a perfect example, but once again, inevitably, pain is the touchstone to growth, and I feel better, more complete, more free than I did before I went through the entire process with her or the last one. I just keep learning, and I just keep becoming more and more complete, more and more confident in God’s will for me, less and less concerned with my little plans and designs, and just overwhelmingly trusting in the process, and the fact that God’s ultimate will has my best interests at heart. That he could very well end me up on a beach surfing somewhere, occasionally teaching the word of God, or leading meetings or something just amazing, and better than I could ever have planned, and maybe that doesn’t even involve a woman, and if not, so be it. In the course of my history women haven’t brought me a whole lot of serenity, and it’s kind of nice and freeing to not have and more importantly, finally, not need one around. It’s almost like quitting smoking or drinking, lol. And maybe one day the right one will come along, and I’m open to that, but in the meantime, the fact that my life in Alcoholics Anonymous continues to get better and better, reminds me that all the nay sayers and whiney bitches in AA that barely ever make meetings then come in and dump their shit on everyone that it’s sooooo hard now the pink cloud is gone, just aren’t growing spiritually. They probably never got off their fucking meds. They probably never worked any steps, they have probably never made an amends, never grown, never done a consistent 10 step every night for years on end. This program of AA is a fucking non stop miracle, and my life continues to get better and better. There is one guy who taught me that the “Pink Cloud” doesn’t have to end, a Christian man and I still look up to him and am grateful that for all the average spirituality going around in the rooms, there are still men who almost tear up in joy every time they share, grateful as I am to be alive, to not be craving a drink or a drug anymore, and to know that God is incredible, awesome, and now, fully, on our side, and entirely capable of miracles.

I believe this is probably the case of the modern marriage as well. That the Pink Cloud never has to end. Neither does the honeymoon. I don’t know this, I drove my marriage into the ground and I haven’t had a real relationship last longer than a month in sobriety, so admittedly it’s sheer speculation, but just as the whiney negative bitches in AA override the majority and put the fear that the latter years in recovery are a struggle, so too I bet are the voices of married couples, focused on the negative, grass is always greener in someone else’s yard defeatist majority out there. Who can blame them, with the Judeo Christian ideals of marriage, God and commitment constantly mocked, with lust used to sell everything from Swiffer picker uppers to deodorant none of us really need, there is enough temptation and media to make the most beautiful couples feel complacent and ordinary. I’d bet though, just like with the program of AA, that I have to work every day to stay in the middle of the bed with, but when I do pays off with results and dividends like I’ve never experienced before in my entire life, a constant endorphin buzz, I bet a real relationship, a real marriage and honeymoon can be the same. With a little work, gratitude, and appreciation can be the essence of magic, can be the elixer of heaven, that a real Godly relationship can be the most awesome expression of God and of love here on Earth that you have ever experienced and that it can stay fresh, and new and grateful, and that with that kind of Godly love, that kind of appreciation of each other and of your creator, you can accomplish any of the tasks or goals God puts before you. I was never so motivated in my life as when I was 18, married, with a new son and a goal to buy us a house and by God, I became the number one salesman of a billion dollar corporation so I know what power God can give you through  the magic of love, through the motivation of his gifts, but I simply didn’t have a clue as to the source or the magnitude of that power early on in my life. I bet now, sober, ten plus years later I  would grasp it, hold on to it, and never let go. And I bet, just like the pink cloud, the honeymoon would never end, and I would love my wife, and serve God until my dying day, and despite whatever speed bumps we might come across I would know to be grateful, and that like everything else, they were just a part of the journey, and that God never put anything before me he didn’t also match in strength for me to overcome. God is good, and I’m simply grateful to be exactly where I’m at, more appreciative that I’ve ever been and ready for the next leg of the journey. As an addict  I was always sinking, but sober,  complete and whole, every experience teaches me something, and I grow more and more complete with each challenge. So then, even the most arduous bullshit, is a blessing in the long run, which actually makes all of life exciting, even the shitty parts!

Thanks for reading this blog post, and for more on my life, my journey through recovery, alcoholism, cocaine, opiate and pharmaceutical addictions as well as my overcoming Hepatitis C, Interferon and sheer madness and insanity here in sprawling suburbs of Atlanta, please read my book 100% free at http://www.books4free.com, on smashwords, or of course on Amazon! Please also leave a review and thanks again for your support!

-Jared Bryan Smith

Pharmaceuticals, Doctors, AA, and Sobriety, The Over Medication of America – Modern Bloodletting

Posted: February 25, 2011 in Uncategorized
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Pharmaceuticals, Doctors, AA and Sobriety

It is clear, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Alcoholics Anonymous, has no stance on outside issues, and this includes the use of pharmaceuticals, prescribed by Doctors to help the newcomer get off alcohol and more illicit drugs. I used Librium to fight detox on two occasions, and I’m glad it existed, as the time I detoxed with nothing, was a freaking nightmare, so I get the good that they are capable of, though I never used them for more than a few days to get past the worst of the shakes and dt’s.

What does concern me though, is when a newcomer comes into the rooms, has several different Doctors, is cross diagnosed as manic depressive, borderline personality disorder, let us not forget the ever popular Bipolar diagnosis, and of course each and every one of us qualifies for ADHD, and is on several different kinds of heavy legally prescribed drugs, and then can’t figure out, why at 90 days they aren’t feeling any better.

It was refreshing therefore to see a speaker yesterday who’d been diagnosed schizophrenic, and a few other diagnoses and had all the accompanying symptoms, have a Doctor tell him, “I don’t think you are any of these things, just a plain old fashioned garden variety alcoholic, and I believe if you just practice the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, you will feel 100% relief from all these supposed conditions.” The Doctor then told him, “We will keep a close eye on you, expect some moderate to severe discomfort the first week or two as you cycle all these meds out of your system, but as you come into week three, four and five, I’ll be willing to bet you begin feeling considerably better, especially if you stay on top of your program and continue going to lots of meetings and working the steps.”

The speaker from last night told us he immediately began to feel better. His mind began to clear almost instantly, that it was uncomfortable the first few days, but after a week, he began to feel the light like he’d never felt it before and he was something in the neighborhood of six months sober. Those meds had been blocking the sunlight of the spirit however, and for the first time, he really began to feel relief. He said he believed those meds had been keeping his mind fuzzy for months on end and as soon as he stopped the fog began to lift. Most Doctors do not understand this miracle that is recovery. Since 1939 people with as bad and worse cross addictions, and emotional disorders have been getting sober through AA without medications, and yet, now, in 2010, it seems, every woman and man that comes in to the program comes clutching on to two or three pill bottles, for two or three different diagnoses. Though AA doesn’t have a stance on medications, I feel like we should at least tell people, “Listen, should you do it your way with all these meds and find the results still wanting, remember there is another way.” The Founders, and for decades millions, of AA’ers got sober, without any meds at all. Having anxiety is a normal part of getting sober, which is the God sized hole we must fill with the program of action.

 

I by no means speak for AA and I by no means advocate not listening to your doctor, but AA does have a pamphlet you can share with you Doctor at the link below, and it was just good to hear a speaker talk about how it had worked for him, specifically dropping his medications, and giving 100% chemical freedom a chance.

I know for me, when I was diagnosed with Hepatitis C, and began taking Interferon, which I wouldn’t wish on Osama Bin Laden (well maybe him), they told me to take Wellbutrin, because the awful side effects were so strong they were surely going to make me depressed. But after just a few days of that medication, after being completely sober a year, 100% chemical free, I felt completely disconnected from God. I quit taking them that day and instantly felt better. I did my entire year without anti depressants, anti anxiety or pain medications because I didn’t want to feel disconnected from God as I went through that year of low level chemotherapy to clear my body of Hepatitis C. I’d felt the connection with God, and I didn’t want anything to sever that, more so that the Interferon itself would have to. I can’t imagine what it must be like getting sober, with those kinds of chemicals keeping you separated from the very beginning. It may make the first few days easier, like Librium, but I bet when you’re rounding the 90 day and 6 month timeframes of sobriety, you just aren’t as connected as someone who has been getting sober without all the psychological meds.

Again, I’m no official, or Doctor, but my experience strength and hope is that, just as I couldn’t get sober on the Marijuana Maintenance program, I doubt real sobriety comes while on a cocktail of pharmaceuticals. If you are on a cocktail and you don’t feel like you’re getting the results, just remember that you haven’t tried all the ways of sobriety just yet. Please just be aware that there is another way, the way of 100% chemical freedom, no medications other than Tylenol, Advil and the like. Show the following AA pamphlet to your doctor, and honestly ask them, “Could this approach work for me? Could we at least try it for 90 days, and if it’s not yielding results you can always go back to all the meds, but don’t give up, don’t stop persevering or relapse back into the old drinking and drugging ways, without at least giving every single avenue, every single creek that leads to the river and ocean of life, a chance. Many more people have gotten sober without all the medications in the last 10 to 20 years, than have with them, and if it feels like it’s not working, just remember, there is one more way.

If you are on a bunch of meds and it’s your first time in AA, don’t beat yourself up, who can blame anyone for doing as their Doctors suggests? We are all just proud of you for being here in the first place and we will love you until you learn to love yourself, it just makes sense to be aware that there is another way of doing things, and the purists, over the past 70 years, cumulatively have a lot of sobriety. So if it’s not working your way, remember, there is another path that may hurt more on the front end, but that many believe, pays huge dividends as you work the 12 Steps clean and sober, without any medications. If nothing else seems to be working, isn’t it worth a try?

http://www.aa.org/catalog.cfm?origpage=189&product=33

-Jared Bryan Smith

 

Hippopotamus Sea: My Viral Sobriety – Rand Hopkins Dedication

Posted: February 23, 2011 in Uncategorized
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So recently I’ve been asked a few times about the dedication in the beginning of my book, given to Rand Hopkins who was a mentor to me in my writing from early on. He, my Uncle and my father were good friends dating years back in the Atlanta theater scene as they worked on such productions as “The Boy King”, a play about Martin Luther King’s childhood and several other plays in Atlanta during the eighties. My Dad had a sound recording studio in the basement, prior to his death, and this was where they recorded the scores for all of those plays.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0394259/

Rand Hopkins was a writer, an actor, and even a talented painter, and my Aunt still has several of his paintings. He was also a very jovial, loving man, who was one of the few people on Earth who could tell me good stories about my Dad after he died in 1989 of alcoholism, or suicide rather, but still when someone dies like that most of the stories take dark turns. Only a handful of people were able to tell me good things about my Dad, and he was one of them. A particular funny story involved my dad going outside to take a piss and coming back in screaming and yelling about a dog almost biting his dick off, and as Rand would tell the story he’d be in tears with the theatrics, and his laughter was a contagious sort, so I’d be in tears laughing about my dad’s antics. That was a kind thing of him to do, and I was grateful, then and now.

Shortly after my father passed, my mom allowed me to go to NYC with a group of kids that Rand would host, and we would visit all the Broadway Plays in New York City. What an adventure for a 12 year old. We would have a blast. My mom gave me a few hundred bucks spending cash, and I remember hitting Time Square and finding every arcade I could possibly find, and just spending hours and hours in them. Rand didn’t mind just so long as I made it back to the hotel before midnight or so. While we were in NYC we saw a ton of plays, from Phantom of the Opera, to Miss Saigon, Les Miserable, and even a few off broadway productions as well, including one in which we sat second or third row and Ralph Macchio from the Karate Kid was the lead actor. I remember watching it and marveling at the differences between plays and movies with the Karate Kid a few feet from me, remembering his lines flawlessly, but still so much more human than on the big screen.

As the years passed we lost touch, especially as my drug and drinking use accelerated. But at a few critical moments I would reach out to him and share with him my writings, and he would encourage me, and tell me I was talented and I should continue writing. He sent me a copy of the Writer’s Market around 1998, and then again in 2004, when we reconnected after I was cast, quite accidentally, in “Miracle on 32nd Street” due to Gwen’s insistence. That’s another story you can find in the book. It was just a few weeks after my mama had died of cancer, and Gwen had left me for San Diego. I was withdrawing from all opiates and doing my damnedest not to kill myself drinking, or at this point, the way my father had gone. We talked briefly one night about a month after my mom, and he said something to the effect of “Live out your dreams JB, because life is short and you just never know when you might get run over by a bus. Write a book about everything you’ve gone through, because you’ve gone through a lot, and it will help you heal.” Literally a month later Rand Hopkins died suddenly in his sleep. I dropped out of that play, unable to contain my drinking binges, and completely incapable of showing up to anything on time or with any kind of consistency, but because of that play, and the people at the play house I heard about Rand’s death, and otherwise, I doubt I would have ever even heard. Funny how life works out like that.

I wasn’t invited to the funeral. Or maybe I was, and they just couldn’t get a hold of me. That’s the predicament of being a black out drunk, it’s hard to blame folks for lost invites, but the significance of that man, his words and his sentiment was never lost on me. He believed in me as a writer, and because he was an award winning writer himself I believed in him. If anybody else had said it I wouldn’t have believed them.

He had awesome connections and friends, and I sometimes wonder if I could reach any of them, but I know he knew Michael Jay Fox and also helped out Kenan Thompson who was also from my hometown of Atlanta, GA, early on in his career, though I’m not real sure the extent or depth of either friendships.

Still, I wish he’d been here to see my book launched, and could have helped me a little to promote it, and more than that, to tell me what he really thought. The good die young it seems. I suppose I should rejoice that I had him in my life as long as I did, and be proud that I did complete the project.

I dedicated the book to him because more than anyone else, his encouragement and faith in my writing meant the absolute most to me over the years. He was a good friend and I miss him much.

-Jared Bryan Smith

A minor operation is one that is done on someone else – Dr. Richard Selzer (Hep C, Interferon, Pegasys Side Effects Reported to Roche Genentech)

Posted: January 25, 2011 in Uncategorized
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So in the interest of conspiracies and full disclosure, I did just formally complain to Roche Diagnostics, or a division of Roche called Genentech via an 1-800 number and case number *ahem 1462, because I was led to do this by an underground advocate of Hep C and Interferon treatments who are still suffering serious side effects from his Hep C treatment, Interferon and Pegasys, just as I am. So if I disappear mysteriously, let the bread crumbs start here! haha… He also forwarded me the side effects document that I posted on the left side of my blog here under Hep C Side Effects, and I’m grateful this guy is doing something, because 3 years out I am still suffering major headaches, daily and wake up every morning with a crushing pain in my skull, and I have to take 4 advil every single morning. At three years out I’m concerned that this is never going to go away, and in fact has been getting worse as of late.

The more concerning factor is that I’m now not alone, but have been hooked up with a group of at least 20 or so who are all experiencing these major side effects from Interferon treatment. It sucks, and mine, headaches, seem to be on the light side of the symptoms. There are people on this underground list with MS, fibromylgia, chronic joint and skin problems, and more. We’ve read doctors quotes talking about how it seems like anyone who uses Interferon is worse off than when they started. And yet I personally am obviously torn as to how to protest or be letigious, simply because I am cured of the disease of Hepatitis C, which now kills more people than HIV in the United States. So, I’m cured, but I suffer chronic pain. I wasn’t in dire need of Interferon treatment, I could have waited 20 years, but of course as Dr. Hutchinson told me, the young do better than the old, so I guess it does make sense to take the meds sooner rather than later. Especially in my case when you had the tougher version of the disease, which takes 12 months of Interferon and Ribavirin treatment, not just 6 months, and which of course is only cured 50% of the time, compared to some of the less aggressive strains of the virus which are closer to 70%. But had I known about these side effects and the advent of Telepravir which is supposedly right around the corner and lightens the load of the interferon and ribavirin one has to take, I may have waited.

I am very grateful to be free and clear of the virus of Hep C though, and what’s more, Roche actually paid for my entire one year prescription, which would have been 3k x 12, or 36k I sure as hell did not have. Still… my motivation is drained constantly. Fatigue is always with me, no matter how much I work out or don’t work out, and my memory, both short and long term are definitely affected. The irony is that the brain fog I have is so closely associated to a hangover I may as well have kept drinking. I often wonder if I did some cocaine or amphetamines like I used to (which is of course why I got Hep C in the first place) if it would reconnect all those neural synapses or whatever the hell. Who knows. I know a girl who went back out and used Adderall for a while, and she seemed sharp for a little while, but as fate would have it, she just last week got another DUI so there goes that one million and fifty fifth excuse to relapse, drink and take drugs… foiled again! haha….

Anyway, so yeah, I reported my side effects to Roche, though  I doubt anything will ever come of it, and to be honest, I am grateful the virus is gone. I mean I feel better than when I was on Interferon for sure, but what I wouldn’t give to feel sober, healthy and as lively as I was prior to the treatment. I mean it really was night and day, and I wish there had been an easier method of getting rid of the virus.

I wish someone would do an actual scientific study on Ozone, and Anthony Kiedis and Steven Tyler would both come clean about how and why they both choose to treat it differently.

I wish the tests would show that something was different with me, but all my tests come back saying I’m perfectly healthy, and yet hear I am, every single day, brain fog, tired, waking up with a headache and taking more than 8 advil a day. One day science will have something to definitely indicate the differences in patients pre and post interferon but apparently for now, the benefits, or being cured of Hep C, most certainly outweigh the consequences, or dying of hep c, and of course, not having any measurable side effects. Who can blame dr’s for thinking it doesn’t cause differences if here I am feeling like shit all the time, but completely incapable of proving it to anyone.

Oh the quote, haha, that refers to the Hep C, Liver Biopsy or sword inserted into your side, no fun at all, and though considered minor, very majorly painful. Read my book Hippopotamus Sea: My Viral Sobriety to hear my entire Hep C, Interferon, recovery journey through alcoholism, drug addiction, and of course Hepatitis C, and I give it away 100% free on http://www.books4free.com , it aint no scam, just a site that allows you to read my life story for free, and it’s also available for sale on Amazon and Smashwords for very cheap in hard back, and digital on smashwords.

-JB Smith

Atlanta Snowpocalypse – The Stress Simmers – Aint no Sunshine When She’s Gone… just blizzards.

Posted: January 14, 2011 in Uncategorized
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Man oh man… me and my roommate stuck in an apartment at each others throats for 4 days in this Snowpocalypse finally took its toll yesterday when we ended up just straight screaming at each other at the top of our lungs.

So I started the day having to look for a new apartment. Last Saturday it was the woman I told off, now the room mate. I’m doing a fine job of letting my ego paint me into a corner lately. Can’t deal with her on her terms, so I say fuck everything and run (fear) can’t deal with my room mate on his terms, so I do the exact same thing. Fuck Everything and Run. Fucking FEAR.

The day actually started off pretty damn good and I closed a deal. My 5th for the month, I’m selling a text marketing solution to fast casual dining places, and there are residual incomes, so each little deal makes a difference. My goal is to sell 10 a month, and even with the ice storm, I’ve hit my quota for the half month, which aint bad considering the snowpocalypse, breaking it off with her, and now of course the room mate. So at least there is some light in the storm I guess…

But things went downhill from there. I go to the post office to put the check in the mail, because the client didn’t bring his credit card to the closing. Sooo, the post office tells me nothing is moving, no trucks have been there all week, and they have no idea when the trucks will begin rolling again. Before I went into the post office, I brought my leatherbound folder into the Jersey Mikes to try and sell to them but the owner was gone. After leaving the post office, I go out to my car, and I go to open the driver door, and I guess I pulled so hard I ripped my feet out from under me, sliding , really busting my ass, as my leather bound folder flies up into the air, scattering flyers with my biz cards everywhere, all over the parking lot, like a birds feathers in a cartoon after being nailed by a baseball. I cussed up a storm too, “Mutherfucker!!!!” as I’m getting up I see a mom pushing her stroller, all sympathy gone, disgusted at my vile mouth. I humbly walked around the parking lot picking up my flyers, which took a few minutes.

Driving out of the post office, flustered, bleeding, I blow past grandmas and soccer moms driving five miles an hour to haul ass over to Fed Ex so I can get the check to the CEO of my company. I pull in there, drive up to the parking spot, which is closed off on one side by a brick wall and when i go to hit the brakes, they just act like they don’t exist and i fucking nail the brick wall going 10 miles an hour. “FUCK”! I get out and an old lady is staring at me like I’m a moron…either from the cussing or the hitting the wall. I don’t know and I don’t care at this point.

Fed Ex tells me it’s 30 bucks and they can’t guruantee overnight… great, I fill out the form and send it off, bleeding all over the packing slip. I go apartment hunting… they suck, they are ghetto fabulous, and they require good credit and a deposit otherwise. Fuck… I go to pay my ex child support. I go inside to sit down for lunch while I wait for her, and the waiter, who I used to know, over 5 years ago when i drank in the joint at Chaplains, asks me what I want, I say a water, and go to pee. When I return there is a cold frosty beer on my table, a shot of jaigermeister, and the waiter, smiling like the devil. “Man that looks good buddy, but I haven’t had a drink in 4 years, and I asked for a water.” My bad he says. The reuben I ordered wouldn’t have passed quality control at my sons middle school cafeteria… I ate it anyway, and of course it gave me a stomach ache.

I drove down to Little Five to look at apartments where you don’t need credit, away from her, away from my meetings, away from my life, but fuck it, what choices do I have. 75/85 is bumper to bumper traffic. I circumvent it by going all back roads through Atlanta, past peidmont, monroe, blvd, to Freedom, I know my way around. The apartment, where I used to be a dope feign in little five, is still of course, the dump I remembered. Cool location, unique building, but an OCD nightmare, beyond description, lots of paint covering up problems, uneven floors, a kitchen to inspire fasting, I mean it’s not ideal. So I left bummed.

Went to see my client in Atlantic Station whom bought my first order last week, and guess what? She wasn’t there. Bought a coffee drink, but surprise, my check card was declined. Try this one. Also declined. Had to go out to car, did I mention this was my first client, oh yeah, I’m stylin, pray I have enough change scrounged up, which thankfully I did, and finally leave, embaressed and humbled. Get on 400 northbound and there is a wreck. 1 hour later, I make it home.

Man, that’s a shit day, hell I’m afraid to leave the house now. I did close the deal though, and once again, I wasn’t even tempted to drink when it was put right in front of me. That’s God, not me. Still, though I walked through the day successfully, it was stressful the entire way through. And I miss her terribly, but I guess I did that to myself.

Seriously, there just aint no sunshine when she’s gone.

-JB Smith

Hep C Fame – Steven Tyler , Anthony Kiedis , Pam Anderson , Interferon Chemotherapy, Ozone, Homeopathic or Delusional??

Posted: December 28, 2010 in Uncategorized
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Researching the three I know of, Steven Tyler, Anthony Kiedis, and Pam Anderson, I was glad to find at least Steven wasn’t babbling about some pie in the sky treatment like Ozone, but had in fact gone through 11 months of Interferon treatment and was actually free of the virus in his bloodstream, or otherwise cured. It was in this article from September 2006 in people magazine.

Steven Tyler Reveals Hepatitis C Battle

Steven Tyler Reveals Hepatitis C Battle | Steven Tyler

Steven Tyler

David “Bagel” Ungar/FilmMagic

Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler has revealed that he was diagnosed with hepatitis C three years ago, and recently went through 11 months of treatment.

“I’ve had hepatitis C for a long time, asymptomatic,” Tyler tells Access Hollywood in a new interview set to air Tuesday. “And I talked to my doctor … and he said now is the time and it’s 11 months of chemotherapy. So I went on that and it about killed me.”

Tyler, 58, says he’s much better after undergoing the treatment. “It is nonexistent in my bloodstream as we speak, so it’s one of those few miracles in doctoring where it’s like a complete cure,” says Tyler.

Hepatitis C is a liver disease spread by contact with the blood of an infected person, according to the Web site for the Centers for Disease Control. Many people who have hepatitis C show no symptoms of the disease.

Tyler also says the treatments, which included taking the drug interferon, were hard in his marriage to his wife of 17 years, Teresa, whom he split from earlier this year.

“I had a little problem at home, to say the least,” he says. “I would run upstairs at night, you know, to put the kids asleep and wake up at 3 in the morning with a nosebleed you know, just passed out from the interferon, the treatment.”

After keeping quiet about the disease for so long, Tyler says he’d like to share his knowledge about it with others.

“I may go on Oprah and talk about this,” he says. “I mean you know it’s just one of those things… it’s one of those things people don’t speak about it, but it is treatable.”

In March Tyler announced he planned to undergo surgery for an undisclosed medical condition, which forced Aerosmith to cancel its remaining tour dates. At the time, his rep said that doctors had advised the singer “not to continue performing to give his voice time to recover.”

So that was cool to find out. It made me want to find more about Anthony Kiedis and Pam Anderson. I found an excerpt from Anthony Kiedis’s book Scar Tissue, but man if I just don’t believe a word of it:

But the doorbell interrupts my reverie. A few minutes later, a beautiful young woman enters the living room carrying an exquisite leather case. She opens it and begins to set up her equipment. Her preparations complete, she dons sterile rubber gloved and then sits next to me on the coach.

Her elegant large glass syringe is handcrafted in Italy. It’s attached to a spaghetti — shaped piece of plastic that contains a small micro – filter so no impurities will pass into my blood stream. The needle is a brand new, completely sterilized microfine butterfly variant.

Today my friend has misplaced her normal medical tourniquet, so she pulls off her pink fishnet stocking and uses it to tie off my right arm. She dabs at my exposed vein with an alcohol swab, and then hits the vein with the needle. My blood come oozing up into the spaghetti – shaped tube, and then she slowly pushes the contents of the syringe into my bloodstream.

I immediately feel the familiar weight in the center of my chest, so I just lie back and relax. I used to let her inject me four times in one sitting, but now I’m down to two syringes full. After she’s refilled the syringe and given me my second shot, she withdraws the needle, opens a sterile cotton swab, and applies pressure to my puncture wound to for at least a minute to avoid bruising or marking on my arms. I’ve never had any tracks from her ministrations. Finally, she takes a little piece of medical tape and attaches the cotton to my arm.

Then we sit and talk about sobriety.

Three years ago, the might have been China white heroin in that syringe. For year and years, I filled syringes and injected myself with cocaine, speed, Black Tar heroin, Persian heroin, and once even LSD. But today I get my injections from my beautiful nurse, whose name it Sat Hari. And the substance that she injects into my bloodstream is ozone , a wonderful – smelling gas that has been legally used in Europe to treat everything from strokes to cancer.
I’m taking ozone intravenously because somewhere along the line, I contracted hepatitis C from my drug experimentation. When I found out that I had it, sometime in the early ‘90s, I immediately researched the topic and found a herbal regimen that would cleanse my liver and eradicate the hepatitis. And it worked. My doctor was shocked when my second blood test came up negative. So the ozone is a preventative step to make sure that pesky hep C virus stays away.

I took years and years of experience and introspection and insight to get to the point where I could stick a needle into my arm to remove toxins from my system as opposed to introducing them. But I don’t regret any of my youthful indiscretions. I spend most of my life looking for the quick fix and the deep kick. I shot drugs under freeway off- ramps with Mexican gangbangers and in thousand – dollar – a – day hotel suites. Now I sip vitamin – infused – water and seek out wild, as opposed to farm raised, salmon.

For twenty years now, I’ve been able to channel my love for music and writing, and tab into the universal slipstream of creativity and spirituality, while writing and performing our own unique sonic stew with my brothers, both present and departed, in the Red Hot Chili Peppers. This is my account of those times, as well as the story of how a kid was born in Grand Rapids, Michigan, migrated to Hollywood and found more than he could handle at the end of the rainbow. This is my story, scar tissue and all.”

“Scar Tissue” is an heartrending story of the life of Anthony Kiedis and the Red Hot Chili Peppers and is an inspiring movement for the spiritual creating of making music and finding the ride tunes and the struggles of a rock band in the music industry.
So yeah, I just have a hard time accepting that Anthony Kiedis has this European cure all, but Steven Tyler had to do a tough as nails 11 month long Interferon regimen that took it’s toll on his marriage, and not to mention the hellish side effects of headaches, exhaustion, and feeling about 50 IQ points lower than where we started. I mean couldn’t Steven Tyler have afforded the same treatment? Yes, of course he could, and he must have researched it, and probably even talked to Anthony about it, only he didn’t go down that road….probably because Anthony read him a horoscope or something fruity and Steven decided to go with something more clinical proven…lets see what I can find a bout Pamela Anderson and her Hep C battle.

“Playboy girl Pamela Anderson has taken up the cause to promote awareness about Hepatitis.

The former ‘Baywatch’ star was diagnosed with liver disorder way back in 2001 after she contracted it through a shared tattoo needle but feels there is nothing to feel ‘embarrassed’ about the condition, The People reported.

The 43-year-old star controls the infection with medical help but personally wants to raise awareness so that other Hepatitis victims do not endure it.

“I’ve had liver biopsies. I get checked every single year, my doctor told me just keep doing what you are doing. I also have the kind that’s easiest to control. There is no cure for it, so the important thing is to encourage people to get tested and not be ashamed. People get embarrassed as you get it from blood-to-blood contact, but it is not just junkies who have it,” said Pamela Anderson.”

Well, I don’t know what I expected. Poor Pam, she is just a blonde bimbo out of Hollywood with her best years behind her. Lol, she’s dead wrong though, it is curable, and her Gastreoentologist has outdated information. Of these three Steven Tyler seemed to have his eye on the ball the most. You know what is intriguing though, is the fact that 3 heavy weight celebrities all received different medical advice. I mean you would think, paying top dollar out west in LA, these three would receive the same fucking consensus but no, all three get different advice, and then of course Anthony called the psychic hotline for a consultation, but still. Nobody laid it out for them in no uncertain terms, what is they have, what they are dealing with, and what is the best way to cure it and/or treat it. Goes to show you that you have to do your own research and take everything with a grain of salt. I’m glad my Doc here in Atlanta, Dr. Hersch, told me it was curable, through Interferon, and that the young do better than the old. I mean, poor Pam sounds like she’s being told to wait to treat it until it’s a problem, but my understanding from Dr. Hutchinson out of Duke, was that the young seem to be on the better side of the 50/50 early responders side, so then, that advice for Pam would be terrible. Sure, maybe they come up with something more effective and less harmful long term than Interferon, but hell, maybe they don’t, and she begins treatment after cirrhosis has set in, and then bam, bad luck Pam, you’re on the wrong side of the 50/50, you don’t respond to treatment, you have a year to live. Wow, that would really suck, and it would all be due to the different kinds of medical advice being offered to these three medically insured celebrities. Jesus, I mean, if these A listers (maybe B) all get different varying medical advice, what a fucking miracle I got good advice, without health insurance as a no name kid out of Atlanta. I must remember to count my many blessings… and pray that Anthony and Pam don’t realize they were wrong way to late.

Please take a moment to read about my average man’s journey through insanity, addiction, Hep C, Interferon, and AA on http://www.books4free.com and check out the strong reviews on amazon at:

-Jared Bryan Smith

www.newstalk1160.com – Technology Cafe – Books4free.com Plug :)

Posted: December 23, 2010 in Uncategorized
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We’ll sneak em in wherever we can get em I suppose. 99% of the interview is regarding the new awesome product the publisher is representing PlumReward, I was able to sneak in a word or two about books4free.com, and get a very brief overview of the book in there. With 50,000 listeners to that radio show, hopefully, God willing, that will sell one or two curious books, I mean cmon, 50000 people right! Of course it is on Christmas and the day after at noon for an hour, which probably isn’t the best time on Earth to air a two second plug of a book, but still, a writer can dream.

Regardless, it was cool that Gus Cawley allowed us on the show and then further allowed him to even mention books4free.com when the nuts and bolts of the entire show was PlumReward, the brain child of Jonathan Goodyear, or the “Angry Coder”, Maverick renegade coder of Microsoft with MVP status who has bled sweat and poured his heart in PlumReward now for the last few years, and has an amazing product. It was more than good of Gus to let us pimp books4free.com for even just a second. Hopefully it will lead to more media as well.

I’m so exhausted, I had so much to blog about today, but after hearing about the radio show, picking up a 4 year candle, and hustling all over Atlanta today, I’m exhausted.

Happy Holidays if I forget to get back to it though!

Jared Bryan Smith

My mom would be appalled, but Books4free.com has the #1 Book on Amazon for Hep C

Posted: December 17, 2010 in Uncategorized
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Seriously, if there was any room in that coffin I’m sure she’d be turning in it. We were very much strategically brought up in the southern manor of giving off the appearance of normalcy, even if child abuse, domestic violence, and alcoholism was the prevailing wind inside the house, you’d better had a good cover story when you left the home front. Today, I am an open book, and proud of it. But boy would mama be upset that I’d made it to the top of the list of all Hep C book listed on Amazon. What a dreadful shame. I can literally hear her southern drawl “But JB why would you want people to know that about you.” Haha, because mom, I’m cured of it, and hopefully somebody somewhere will find solace and comfort in that fact. She would have had a hard time arguing that, as she was a good and decent christian woman, just a little preoccupied with social status and the appearance of the status quo. Ultimately the conversation would have ended with “Well, at least you had the good sense to use a pen name.”  haha….

That wasn’t my good sense, I would have much rather written it under my actual name, but through years of trial and error in following my own counsel I decided to allow my sponsor and attorney have their way with that one. The 11th tradition states of course that we must be anonymous in press, radio and films, and therefore I am, regardless of how many Glenn Blecks and the like out there aren’t. It’s difficult though, promoting a book under a pen name.

That being said, we are still well under the 100 books sold goal. Hovering around 50. I had hoped the funny ass cartoons about AA relationships would make people curious about the book but that too hasn’t generated too many book sales. Oh well, I am pretty happy with the new ranking under Hepatitis.

Thanks again for all the grassroots support people, making the number one slot on the Hepatitis C list on Amazon is a big deal even if it’s only taken 50 books to get there! Hope we stay at the top of the list for a while!

Thanks again and I hope everyone enjoys their Christmas!

-Jared Bryan Smith

Mark Coker is a Genius

Posted: October 27, 2010 in Uncategorized
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Although I keep having to explain to people to press the downloads button to get the kindle version on http://www.smashwords.com instead of on amazon.com, Mark Coker’s smashwords format is a MUCH better alternative than the kindle monopoly at Amazon, period the end, so even if I lose a few ebook sales from people who can’t find the downloads button on books4free.com or who keep going directly to the Amazon page, I believe long term smashwords will be the recognized distributor of most ebooks, so I’m sticking with Mark Coker.

Here is his latest blog, about ebook publishing, definitely worth the read.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mark-coker/the-seven-secrets-to-eboo_b_751743.html

-Jared Bryan Smith

Guerilla Publicity, Reviews, Promoting a book…

Posted: October 27, 2010 in Uncategorized
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So the initial book launch has begun to fade, and with much stress I’ve watched the title go from top 50k, to under 100k, to 200k, and now is floating somewhere around 400k top books. Which is really still sad if you think of about it considering I’ve sold only around 30 copies or so. So now the real work begins it seems.

Getting the book to reviewers, getting those 30 readers to leave Amazon reviews, making sure Amazon lists it in proper medical categories, under Hepatitis C, Addiction, alcoholism etc, all very important. And then of course writing a decent press release, getting that press release and then hopefully a Press Kit into the hands of editors, producers, etc….  All it will take is one good hit, but it may be hard to do without the aforementioned reviews, and so , again getting the book to recognized reviewers will be crucial.

There are services that will do that for you, ranging from $250 bucks to 1500, but being unemployed, having spent every dime on the http://www.books4free.com launch and not being well funded, books4free is going to need to really begin rolling up their sleeves and getting it out there.

Fortunately his pain, followed by a solemn oath to avoid love again indefinitely, should definitely free up his calender…

-Jared Bryan Smith

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